2015-02-09

Too Granny For Grammy's

So there was a music industry butt-kissing festival on the idiot box last night. If that sounds like something an old lady would say, it's because I just did. I give up on keeping up with the music or anything else, but I do enjoy reading about on 'The Twitter.'  
Great googley moogley I love the Twitter.
I feel like I should call it based on the low amount of people I even recognized in the 5 minutes of show I caught at my sister's house. I didn't even recognize Tom Jones, and I feel like I should have.

I don't fault anyone for getting plastic surgery or turning themselves into a human Ooompa Loompa with spray tan if it makes you feel better, what do I care? I just can't recognize anyone anymore.
I don't know who this lady is, but she makes me want
to say "Barbie's husband Ken wants his hair helmet back."

And spoiler: She never does get sawed in half in that outfit.
We saw Pharrell give a speech, missing most of it thanks to my loud children. No seriously, thank all the gods for them because his speech seemed boring, and I swear I heard him say the word 'awkward' but maybe my mind put that there. He also said he was going to moonwalk off the stage in his tuxedo shorts, and then he DID NOT DO THAT. WTF? We were almost about to be entertained, why tease us?
I low-key love this look though. It's better than that giant Smokey the Bear hat. from Baltimoresun.com
People were really ripping on poor, sweet ole Madonna and AC/DC, but at least I can recognize them. I would recognize Madonna's ripped arms anywhere. You know how people who are afraid of tattoos always do that thing where they talk about how your tats are going to look when you're 80? Like that really matters at all at that point, but imagine what Madonna's bulging veiny arms are going to look like. 
So pretty. And healthy. That's healthy, right?! from dailymail.com
Can I just give a quick shout out to Sir Paul McCartney for at least looking like a PERSON?! Thank you, Paul. 
HOW VERY DARE YOU, whoever did this. from yahoo.com
You don't make Sir Paul sit down while he's dancing. After all that work Kanye did to make people know his name. *eyeroll*
from thewrap.com
Ugh Kanye. How I LOVE to HATE him. He's one of those people that make it hard not to hate people you don't even know. He's a media whore, and so he's mean and terrible you can't help but openly mock him. It's okay, he wants you to. It's part of that Michael Jackson lesson on PR: NO SUCH THING as negative press. You don't want his little stunts to work, but they do. I'm almost embarrassed to admit he is one of the few younger artists I can visually identify, just because he is so fun to hate. As a humor writer, it's kind of nice to have a 'bad guy' to just openly hate and mock without feeling bad. 

He paid homage to himself for that time he tried to take away Taylor's grammy with Beck this year. Watch Beck react like anyone would, like Kanye's about to mug the shit out of him. Kany-@$$ (what his name should be changed to) thinks Beyonce should have won whichever award he got a shiny gold award for, I think album of the year, according to the sign in the background.

I feel like Madonna could take a lesson from Beck. Every one of his albums has had a different sound, and he's had a new/different look. Madonna always has the same pop songs and scantily-clad no longer shocking weird outfits. She's good at that, but what ELSE can you do, Madge? 


I want to look into this person called "Sia." Do you know of her? She is a song writer, my sister says you WOULD KNOW her songs, but somehow she was forced (I guess) into semi-fame and like myself she hates the idea of people looking at her, so she performed, kind of, yesterday, while facing a wall and having a dancer and a comedianne dance to her song. I'm researching this as I have time, if you could clue me in I would appreciate it. This is her. I think it is anyway, facing the wall. I super love her for this, the opposite of Kanye.
from hollywoodreporter.com
Other things happened, more from Taylor Swift (yawn) but I didn't watch and I don't know who any of the new whipper-snappers are anyway. Just thought I would share a few chuckles this morning.

Did you watch?

Or were you tuned in to The Walking Dead? (NO SPOILERS, I'm like 3 seasons behind.)

If so, what stands out in your memory?

If not, why not?

You can play the Old Card, no one ever faults a person for that!

28 comments:

  1. Thank Gawd that Paul McCartney is "boutta blow up" thanks to Kanye. It would be nice if Kanye could help three more unknown artists named John, George and Ringo.

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    1. That whole thing cracked me up. I didn't get mad like a lot of people did, I was just REALLY IMPRESSED that anyone who is a fan of Kanye's is even on Twitter, because that means they can at least kind of read.

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  2. I didn't watch a single moment of it, and it was bliss, because I'm pretty sure I hate every artist mentioned in this post.

    My only question is this: Sam Smith won a ton of Grammys for Stay With Me, so does he have to give 10% of those Grammys to Tom Petty?

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    1. I'm not sure what their deal is. I have not heard the song, but I know a lot of people hate reboots/remakes of old songs. I usually don't mind them, but I'm not a huge music purist. I'm not even a big music fan, I usually listen to NPR or an audiobook because: NERD.

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    2. Oh, no, it's not a reboot, he just blatantly ripped it off. They settled out of court and Tom Petty now gets part of his royalties for the song since they are essentially note for note the same song.

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    3. Holy crap! You think someone in his posse (is that word still groovy?) could lob a call into Petty's people, but I guess not. Let that be a lesson to all the whippersnappers out there *shakes fist*
      Thanks for sharing.

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  3. I haven't watched an music awards program in more than five years. I don't even know who the "old" performers are anymore.

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    1. Well, you must know who Paul McCartney is, all thanks to Kanye.
      (I'll punch myself for saying that.)

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    2. I know, right. Thank god for Kanye (so much sarcasm here). You don't have to punch yourself, just listen to an entire Kanye CD instead. The pain will be real, and it will last longer.

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    3. No thanks! I really don't think I've ever heard a song of his, but my son's friends said that the Yeesus album was terrible, and I'm pretty sure they were fans of his before that. Maybe that's where all of his negativity comes from? Frustration that he's not as good?

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  4. The only awards show I ever watch anymore is the Oscars. That's punishment enough.

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    1. I can't watch the Oscars. I don't know any of those people either, and the speeches and everything are SO SERIOUS. Ugh. I love Neil Patrick Harris, he's my cousin's nephew in law, that I never met and probably never will. Maybe I'll watch the opening?
      Nah, probably 'watch' the tweets on Twitter and see the recap on the news.

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  5. You always make me laugh. Whenever I'm down I'm like "I know what I need to do. I gotta go read me some Comfy Town." I never watch those shows & could never understand why people do. Let's watch a bunch of rich & famous people who have it all get even more. Sounds like fun. Plus, it's about 10,000 hours long & most of it is boring. You can just get the highlights the next morning. This is my favorite: "she makes me want to say "Barbie's husband Ken wants his hair helmet back."
    And spoiler: She never does get sawed in half in that outfit." What a disappointment. Oh, and how Will Pharrell almost entertained. Brilliant.

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    1. ha, you're too kind.
      Those shows are WAY too boring.
      I mean, that would be a pretty cool dress for a magician's assistant.
      And sawing someone in half would be way more entertaining!

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  6. It was on, but I only glanced up at it occasionally. Kanye should be given a restraining order that keeps him away from all awards shows or access to a microphone. I do love Taylor Swift. Tom Jones looks like Nelson Mandela. Paul McCartney is still hot.

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    1. hahaha I think he's adorable. My husband thinks he looks like the butler from Aristocats. He's not totally wrong, I tweeted a side by side comparison, it's uncanny.

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  7. Eeek! That picture of Madonna made me wanna hide behind the sofa! The 'Material girl' needs to wrap some material around those biceps!
    I didn't watch it, but after reading this hilarious post, I wish I had.

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    1. I never watch it, but I tune into Twitter for all the funny. Then the next morning there are usually really funny recaps. It's great to laugh at.

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  8. My niece loves her too. I think I'm just too old :)
    You've heard Beck, right Lizzi? If not, you are in for a TREAT!
    Listen to the words of this song:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgSPaXgAdzE&list=RDYgSPaXgAdzE#t=0

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  9. You never never never fail to crack me the hell UP!
    Did someone once tell Pharrell he has nice legs or something? What's up with the shorts? And the only reason I recognize HIM is from watching The Voice--although I almost wouldn't have without his big ole Smoky the Bear/Ranger Rick hat on. Guess it didn't match the tux shorts.

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    1. Glad to hear that. I'm not sure what's up with the shorts, but it's different and a little silly so I like it. I usually only recognized him from his GIANT HAT, but now he has the shorts. Maybe THAT is the thing w/the shorts? You can't argue with the iconic thing that makes people recognize you, it works!

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  10. Why do my comments always get lost?

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    1. Pattie I HATE when that happens! It happens to me all the time! A few times I had a REALLY LONG comment, once on Lizzi's blog. I think in MY case? It was divine intervention b/c it was really long, and it would have been quite the reading assignment! hahaha Sorry that happened to you, it SUCKS!

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  11. Except for the ambiguous ones that suck? My original lost in the nether regions of the mother effing interwebz was funny...it was something about how I haven't watched award shows for more than 25 years because of all the butt sucking the celebs do to each other because obviously their adoring fans don't do enough of it. Ack...mojo gone.

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    1. Ha, I really do hate when that happens, and you're right. It takes the wind right out of your sails. It's happened soooo many times. I just throw my phone. Usually on a soft surface, I mean it's still my only phone! But it makes me not want to read or look at it anymore for awhile.
      The awards shows are terrible. I don't understand how they work, and I almost never agree with the winners. I do love to mock them all on the Twitter, though!

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  12. Gawd, I love coming over to your blog posts for almost certain gut laughs every time I visit, Joy! This one did not disappoint. I can't stand Kanye West. Now, AC/DC and Madonna...absolutely I'm in for tix. As a matter of fact I saw AC/DC in concert many years ago. Still, that Dan Amira tweet is freakin' hysterical! LOL. I didn't watch this year but read reviews that said the entire event has really deteriorated, not to mention that it's become impossible for East Coasters to see the entire show due to the time. No one in the right mind should tell Paul McCartney to sit down! LOVED this post, my dear! :)

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    1. I've heard AC/DC is amazing in concert! They're coming to Soldier Field in Chicago, but now I can't afford to go to pretty much any concerts. I agree about the award shows. Don't get it.
      And I TOTALLY agree about Sir Paul! Thanks for reading, glad you got a chuckle.

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