Halloween Conversational Candy

You know those Valentine's Day lame conversational hearts made of scrap chalk? Why can't we have those with sCaRy Halloween sayings? 

I had a long talk with Google, and I couldn't find these anywhere. Well, ONE. I'll put that at the end.

You can personalize the hearts. These are awesome: 
from pajamasandcoffee.com
Right? GLEN.

Another good idea when you break up with someone. I don't want to see your face anymore, here's some crappy candy. Peace out.

I did NOT make this one, found it like this.
You LOVED that about me at first, EDWARD!
from edwardhotspur.wordpress.com
I think it would be rad to see these at Halloween time in the shape of ghosts or maybe giant tombstones with Halloween sayings. 

I found plain Necco wafers and made a couple of examples to show you what I mean. The photo credit is where I found the picture of the PLAIN Necco wafers. I added the words in PicMonkey.
I know, I stink at graphics. You get the idea.
Necco wafer picture from lovemarks.com

How about quotes from horror movies?
Poltergeist and Friday the 13th
Necco wafter picture from makehealthyfun.blogspot.com
from naturalaspossiblemom.com
Oh, it's no worse than the lame V-Day hearts. 

We are ready for this as a society. Confectioners, can we make this so? This "candy" can't cost more than a fraction of a penny to make. 

Do you think I can put this post directly on Kickstarter??

This picture I found as-is, no touch-up needed.
Not sure what this was about. But I like it.
from coed.com/20130214


Down The Rabbit Nasal-Cavity Hole

Here in the Midwest, everyone knows about the change-of-seasons Battle of the Boogers. The weather changes quickly, temps go up and down more than people in a Robin Thicke video. Pretty much everyone gets sick. 

You know it's coming, you try to take care, maybe vitamins, eat gross things like yogurt, because probiotics. But germs, like Gloria Estefan says about The Rhythm, they're gonna get ya. 

My kids usually only get sick for about a day and then they're magically fine. I, on the other hand, thanks to things like asthma, allergies, hypothyroid, the "itis" (being a lazy slob,) I take a little longer and once in awhile I really have a long uphill struggle. 

When I’m Sick, By Day

Day One

Me: “I’m getting the sniffles, better arm myself with soup, citrus…” and other healthy, natural foods and tinctures. 

from sciencebasedpharmacy.wordpress.com
Day Two

“It’s getting worse, I should get some Airborne with Zinc and echinacea.

 Antibiotics are the devil. I can fight this!”

I make chicken soup, drink as many liquids as my time, schedule and bladder permit. I eat plenty of oranges, other citrus and red peppers for Vitamin C.

from photobucket.com
Day Three

“Sleep, I need more sleep…" zzZZzzZzzz

More difficult to stay hydrated when you're asleep.

Day Five

The longer I'm sick, the harder is to be on Team Natural Cure. 

“So much pressure in my head. Natural Schmatural. Sudafed me.”

Ah, Sudafed. That's the stuff. 
Down the rabbit hole. Hello pseudo, my old friend.
from vintagedisneyalice.blogspot.com
Some Day (or 2) Later

I know if I still have a lot of pressure and pain after taking Sudafed for a couple of days, this is not a fleeting case of the sniffles.

“Oh my aching face-holes. Can your head actually explode from sinus pressure? If I lean too far forward, I see stars.”

About the amount of sympathy I get from the Hubs
from zrhbzeds.homeip.net
Day Eight
(waited too long to call the doctor, no evening/Saturday appt)
“Okay, I need something stronger, do we have any old half-finished antibiotics anywhere?”

*Digging through every cabinet everywhere*
from npr.org

Day Nine
“Aaahh now I have a rash! This has to be all connected. According to WebMD I have meningitis. That sounds serious. 
I can’t cook, I don’t want my last days on earth to be spent in the kitchen.”

I mean, really.

Day Eleven

“Why do I taste metal?” 
I look MUCH more pale & creepy-clownlike than either of these ladies.
from photobucket.com
Day Fourteen

“I took all the random antibiotics, and some random yellow pill I found in the box o’ medicine. I feel be…………” 
from photobucket.com
Day Sixteen

“I've been sick since when? Really?"

*Telling Google all symptoms since the beginning* 

“According to the internet, these symptoms are signs of an apocalypse.”

 from zombieresearchsociety.com
Luckily, the apocalypse was a Zombie apocalypse so I'm no longer dead, I'm just the usual undead of parents with small children: Mombie.


I'm finally feeling better. No doctor, so suck it healthcare system. 


Note: We do have insurance and a doctor, but having to drag my 2 kids to the doctor with me, waiting half an hour in the lobby, and another at least half an hour in a tiny room with 2 little ones that HATE the doctor's office is more torture than getting high medicating with decongestant and "toughing it out." 
By that I mean whining at my husband that I'm probably going to die soon.


5 Minute Friday: Together

I am trying something new today. I just saw this "5 Minute Friday" post concept at Mom's Don't Say That, you get a topic and link up at LisaJoBaker.com. The beauty of it is, you're only supposed to take FIVE MINUTES to do the post, no over-thinking, over-editing, just what comes to mind in 5 minutes. Sounds like something I can actually DO for once.
The theme today is "Together" and the first thing I think of is my 2 daughters, because we're ALWAYS together. Every beautiful minute of every glorious day. One is sitting on my lap now, which has ALREADY made this post take more than five minutes. Which is totally fine, blogging will always be there, my girls will only be this small and cute and WANT to be together with me for so long. I treasure every minute, as I have a teenager, who thinks he wants nothing to do with me right now. 

The girls & I are together all day almost like conjoined triplets, as I stay home and watch extra kids in my home, and right now I would have it no other way! Well, I wouldn't mind a baby sitter every now and then, parents need some alone time and a break from the chaos. 

(Speaking of the chaos, the younger one just jumped up on my lap and I had to stop so yes, I started this almost 15 minutes ago now, but I haven't been writing for 5 minutes yet.)

I used to be together with my husband non-stop for years, probably because when we first started dating we couldn't be together very often. I was a single mom, and the only time I would go out were the days my son would go with his dad, usually Tuesdays and Thursdays and parts of every other weekend. Those were the only days we hung out for a long time. 

He actually had to have a talk with me, at the advice of our mutual friend, about that. I realized I was afraid to introduce him to my son, and we had been dating for SIX MONTHS. It was obvious we felt strongly about each other and this was going somewhere. Our friend kept saying "It's time." It was. I was just a total scardey cat. Skardey cat? How do you spell that? (Part of the deal with 5MF is not to over-think.)

Anyway, once he met my son Tinny, it got a lot better. They got along fine and we could see each other more often, and it was obvious I waited too long to introduce them. We have been together, every minute of every day, ever since for years. Literally because we worked together, we would go to lunch together, and hang out after work. Every minute of every day for years. You really get to know someone. 

We have many flaws, but we obviously get along. If you can spend that much time with someone, especially someone I THOUGHT I hated when I first met him, you marry that person. It turned out I don't hate him, we just had communication issues we worked out. And "Work Alex" is kind of a dick. Meh, it happens. 

(Interrupted again, no idea how long I've been writing. THIS is why I don't blog often :)

Soooooo, we've been together 9 years now, almost exactly because our first date was mid-October. Neither of us can remember the exact date, he thinks October 18 was our first date. This is why people celebrate their wedding anniversary. For us, that wasn't the best day, that was just the day we made it legal with an Elvis impersonator. Because Vegas. 

But the point is, the DATE of the wedding is in our brains because of all the PAPERWORK! I feel more passionately about the anniversary of our first date, or the date we moved in to our first TOGETHER HOUSE here in ComfyTown, but we're not exactly sure when that date is either.

We don't celebrate certain dates, even when we tried, we can never get a sitter on those dates, it's more hassle than it's worth right now, we celebrate every day. We treasure our time together, together with family, which is all the sweeter because we met late in life, and neither of us had ever felt so comfortable, so right with anyone else, so very TOGETHER before we met each other. 

Right with the little ones, that means there isn't a log of US together, but now it's WE together, so it's a beautiful thing. 

Hopefully one day the kids will be more independent and OUR together time will return, and in the meantime we are happy to be together with our babies, who love to be together with us every second of every day. They are very lovey and from the very SECOND he pulls in the driveway after work, he has a little 2-girl parade to EVERY ROOM in the house! They stop following me, and start following Daddy. Good thing he loves all the together!

I have no idea if that was 5 minutes, or if this makes any sense, and this is probably why I don't blog on the fly much.


WW Comfy-Tober

Baby Bug: You're doing it wrong :)

Lola & Bug at dolphin tank, Brookfield Zoo

This lazy zoo Sea Lion  is my spirit animal

Kangaroos chillaxin, that kind of day!

Beautiful path, girls in the stroller

I latticed this bitch! (& yelled that in front of the kids)

Baby "Knights Who Say Neee"

Child of the corn (maze)

Bug & Lola at the park, leaves starting to fall!
From a friend who was a Girl Scout! Jack Skellingon and ADVENTURE TIME cookies! Awesome.

Not related to us, unfortunately. LOVE that mustache!


Lame, I mean EASY Kid Halloween Craft

I wanted to title this “Lamest Craft Ever” but would you have clicked to read that? 
You would?! If so, you are totally in the right place.

I have never done a craft post because just like with dinner, if I need a craft I google whatever supplies I see laying around and pick from what comes up.

I also don’t know how to make crafts funny. Without booze I mean, and not only are these KID crafts, but if I can’t hit that *fun*buzzed* window while crafting before Liquor Mortis (zzZzZZzzZz) sets in: Craft FAIL.

We needed some non-scary Halloween decorations, (because daycare) and I live to keep my 3 yr old busy, I mean STIMULATED, so two birds, one stone.

Ghost, flip it over for Witch/Frankenstin, Pumpkin
I decided to let my 3 yr old and her 4 yr old cousin decorate their own Halloween faces. 

It was literally easier than bringing 4 kids age 4 and under to the Dollar Store. And cheaper.

I cut out very basic shapes from colored/construction paper by tracing items from my kitchen.

Pumpkins: By tracing a circular small plate.

Ghosts: By tracing a large glass on one end and cutting a wavy pattern at the bottom of the other end.

Witch or Frankenstein

This SAME Arch shape, flipped over also makes Witches, and/or Frankensteins, when you decorate the face, just add warts and a triangle hat for a witch, and a Caesar haircut and bolts on the neck for good old Frankenstein.

You can make them as friendly or scary looking as your children can tolerate without therapy.

Know your kids. Here's what I mean.
AAAHHHHH, that ghost! What is seen cannot be unseen!
To decorate ours, I of course took an easy route. 

I just took black paper and made circles, squares, rectangles and triangles because those are easy to cut....oh and LEARNING. Using shapes is learning. Learning!
(Why do I hear Jessie Pinkman saying “Yeah, Science!”??)  
Ooorrrr, Shapes!
I showed the kids some jack o’lanterns and witch faces from my friend Google, and with glue sticks they made their own designs for the faces. 

That's it. Easy faces with cut out shapes. Yeah, Geometry! 

LOVE the crayon hair 3 yr old drew
The black paper I found first came from a notebook, so it had the spiral and the 3 holes along the side. 

I used the spiral-hole part to make pumpkin stems. Super easy and the kids loved it.

Also, on the witch's face below on the far right, I cut "fancy" eyes very easily using those notebook holes. I think they audibly "Oooohhhh"ed. 

I know, how does she do it? Who knows. Magic. It's BitchCraft.

These faces are adorable, right? Kept the kids busy, cost Zero Dollars.
Forget the Dollar Store, these not-so-bad boys are all over ComfyTown's windows and no one is a-skerred. 
My kids don't know about Frankenstein. Yet.

These were fast and easy, perfect for my preschoolers. You could make them look scarier, and make the craft last longer BE MORE FUN for older kids with various items you have around your house. Use yarn for hair, or fashion some out of twisted toilet paper, or dryer lint. 

Look around for things like buttons you may have put aside and never actually sewed back on, or all those beer bottle caps. See I'm not a big drinker, I do it all for the CRAFTS.  I also buy a lot of puzzles from resale and Goodwill, they're often missing pieces. You could paint those pieces and bam, they become Craft Supplies.

Try to use the fall leaves from the yard. I envision part of the project is having them PICK UP ALL the leaves. Crafting is hard work, kids. I'm sure there are many everyday items you could use that I'm not thinking of. Any small thing like lids/packaging can be cut smaller and painted.

Just remember, if you bedazzle something with glitter, and you use free-range glitter -- as opposed to easier to contain glitter glue -- be ready to take it to your grave. Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.


The ComfyTown Burbs

We have some new neighbors, very exciting for me. ComfyTown’s neighborhood is relatively safe, very quiet and you would swear it was abandoned if you looked down our street at any time of any day, buuut our neighbors are not exactly what one might call neighborly. They are polite enough if you have good timing, but they are rarely outside. Ever.

People do come outside early in the morning to manicure the hell out of their lawns. Our cross the street neighbor dons full riot gear, including a surgical mask. I’m hoping because of allergies, but no way I'm going to find out. Our next-door neighbors said to avoid them at all costs. Once you talk to them, they never leave you alone.

She told me some stories, one about when The Mask first got his car, he kept asking them what shade of white they thought it was. I didn't even know that was a thing with cars. “Um, is that WHO CARES White? 
Or I Don’t Give a Bird-Crap White?” 
Something about sterling white vs. eggshell white, I’m sure my mind wandered off to think about soup, but he was sure the dealer tricked him, and he wound up taking it BACK. Over the difference in the shade of white.

The only exchange we ever had with The Masks (other than waving and quickly walking away) was because of 2 car accidents. One was with my niece’s boyfriend. The Mask backed into my niece’s car, parked on the street. Her boyfriend went out to talk to him after he hit the car, and then attempted to drive away without leaving a note. When my niece’s boyfriend chased him and made him stop, he then proceeded to tell him that he parked too far from the curb. 

Oh, okay, then I’m pretty sure the law is you can just RAM any car with your vehicle and drive away. I think our forefathers wanted to guarantee us that freedom in the constitution. You b-hole.

The other accident, he backed into a car while he was pulling out of his driveway, and another car was backing out of my driveway. A weird neighbor from a few block over whose bratty children I used to watch. That piece of work is a whole separate post. The accident could have been both of their faults, or her fault, she always lied about all kinds of stupid things. They were both backing out and hit in the middle of the street, but of course he swears up and down it was her fault.

I refused to get involved, and a pulled a “My name’s Paul, this is between y’all.” The accident brought THREE police cars, nothing better to do I guess, so I explained to the other neighbors what was happening. Between the 3 squad cars with flashing lights, and a hunky police officer named Caliendo, which we called Officer Caliente, I met more neighbors and got more scoop that day than all the other days we have lived here combined.

I found out that next door to The Mask is apparently some pastor that does some sort of service for his church that requires strangers to continually come to his house, sit in their cars in front of his house, our house and all over the street with their engines running until it’s their turn, to have their souls white-washed or whatever the frick they are doing over there.

The neighbor on the other side of The Mask, in between shamelessy flirting with Officer Caliente, was complaining to me about all the cars and strangers coming and going. I already forget her name, because that’s how I am, but let’s call her Mama June. She is quite a bit smaller, but it seems like an appropriate name, as in her side yard is a TRAILER with a window shot out. She explained that the neighbors behind her (on not a great street) are the ones that shot out the window, then wouldn’t do anything about it and wound up moving out before they settled it.
Mama June on her wedding day
from PerezHilton.com

That house behind hers seems to be a rental. When the Shooter Family moved out, in moved a family with a large, scary dog that freaks out my kids when we walk past. Neither family seems to care for yardwork, cleaning, vehicle maintenance or music that wasn’t “louder than hell.” Quoting June.

The only other time I have ever even SEEN June was during one of our street’s famous floods. There is a side street right there, at the corner the sewer constantly fills up and gets blocked, flooding the entire street. We tried pulling the leaves and debris out during the last End-of-Times rain, even though it’s in front of our neighbors house, but it didn’t help.

Anyway, the street flooded, and the village had bigger fish to fry than to fix it, or even send Officer Caliente to put construction horses there to block people from driving through it anyway, and as always, one car eventually got stuck. The person in the car just SAT IN HIS CAR, for a really long time, not wanting to get out. I went out to see if the driver was okay, he opened his window, barely spoke English and basically mimed that he didn’t want to get out of his car. I guess he didn’t want his pants to get wet, couldn’t tell you, I don’t speak whatever language he was throwing down.

I held up my phone, did he want to use it and he nodded “yes” but wouldn’t come out. Then he just pointed to me, then the phone and rambled on. I called the police, long story short they said they would come help him. Since I had 2 babies in the house, I went back in. Mama June at one point came out of her house, went to the edge of her lawn to TAKE A PICTURE OF THIS GUY IN HIS CAR, then she just went back in her house. I am not making that up. I totally posted it to my ComfyTown Facebook page, because it seemed like something you hear about and think “WHO does that?” My neighbor does that. 

Long story short, (TOO LATE) the mime in the aqua car eventually did have to get out, he did get his pants wet, and the car was towed.

The few other neighbors I have met? Some are jerks, some are okay and a couple have some weird quirks, nothing like driving their garbage down to the curb and beating it with a baseball bat like that movie with Tom Hanks and Princess Leah.
The Burbs, great movie. from fanpop.com
However, that said, our back door neighbor did disappear quite suddenly. Just like his many little yappy dogs that kept mysteriously disappearing, he just up and “moved out” one day, leaving his family behind. Along with the many random loud power tools he worked on IN HIS BACK YARD all day every day. I have no idea where he went, the son just said he moved out, but according to a former neighbor he is a (quoting) “big, stupid drunk who refuses to work” so I am a little curious what his options were.

I hope he’s all right or whatever, but I am over the moon happy not to look at him constantly drinking beer, smoking a stoge and cutting wood outside every day for “projects.” Now, I am the last person to judge another for day-drinking, I'm a big enthusiast as you may know, but when I met him I was pregnant, so: Jealousy.

If asked, all he would ever tell me about his wood-cutting is he was a "carpenter by trade." As opposed to "by night" I guess. My former next-door neighbor, before she moved, said he hadn’t held down a job in decades, and never even finished his alleged projects, which seemed to be the only thing he ever worked at, other than beer and constantly telling me I need to trim my trees that were growing over in his yard.

He would always tell me he was just trying to save me money, because if the branches fall and damage anything in his yard, we would have to replace it. He kept saying trimming the tree had to be cheaper than that. He also tried to get me to call ComEd, claiming they would trim the branches for free. As you may know, branches have to really be interfering with power lines. So, thanks for all the "advice" but we’ll take our chances, Beery. We’re gamblers.

Unfortunately when he left he also left their yappy dogs, the 5th and 6th dogs they have had, and that is just since we moved in. We have only lived here for 5 years. When the first and second disappeared, he asked if I had seen his dogs. I was shocked that I didn’t notice the lack of barking. He was concerned because they were “expensive” dogs. 
from petsafe.com
I don’t know anything about small, loud dogs but you would have to find a deaf buyer for these things.

Somewhere around the 3rd or 4th dog that left home for a pack of smokes and never came back, he mentioned the coyotes they are always warning us about. I seriously get email alerts and “Breaking News” emails from our town to Beware of Coyotes, secure garbage cans and pets. I do see articles in the town newspaper about small pets being eaten by coyotes, which begs the question, HOW do they know someone’s pet was eating by a coyote?

Did someone see it? If so, why didn’t they stop it?
Are we paying for coyote autopsies to examine the stomach content?
Did they get a signed confession?
Are the coyotes gangs taking credit like terrorists?
Coyote Gang will F your dog UP, sucka. Step off.
from deviantart.com
My money says one of the neighbors got sick of the CONSTANT NEVER-ENDING ALL DAY, EVERY DAY yap-barking and took matters into their own hands. From the few encounters I had with Beery, I would also bet whoever ‘took care’ of the many yippy dogs also took care of Spuds McCarpenter. And I would really like to high five that person. 
Enough about that Joker 1.5

When that next door neighbor moved, she and her daughter were replaced by a young guy last year. He’s maybe 24 and has already told me to keep my kids off his lawn. Literally. He lives on the corner, so the teenagers cut through to the side street. He claims they’re “wearing a path through his lawn.” They are not. They are teenagers, they can be loud, play annoying music, and a couple of them are um, let’s just say sketchy-looking.

More than that, I feel like he just doesn’t want anyone getting close to his house, because he is that one neighbor we will eventually be interviewed about. 
"No, we had no idea. He was so quiet." 

We are watching him, as much as we can from on our lawn of course. His lawn, his rules. He doesn’t really bother us other than that. He goes out of his way to avoid contact, the only time he’s outside is when he’s mowing and he’s wearing earbuds.

On the other side, our next door neighbors with the daughter are about the least annoying of all. They are quiet, well the parents are quiet. When they're not running a snowblower, leafblower, or lawnmower. Their daughter, I call her Taz, has one of those county wide ex-screech-iating voices, it makes my neighbor on the other side constantly close his window when she’s outside. 

She also has a never-ending enthusiastic, um, vitality that the government should really be tapping into to solve the Earth’s energy crisis. I know she could power at least our block with her constant running, whipping stuff at full speed within inches of our faces, heads and glass windows, and climbing all over everything. Or she should at least be in a sport. Or pulling a rickshaw.

The dad does do sporty things with her when he’s not running his leaf blower to remove every single stray blade of grass from their property, but between her allergies, all of the yardwork, and her ability to have immediate issues with any kids anywhere, she doesn’t do team sports. The Mom explained they try to keep the yard trimmed because of the girls allergies, but from talking to her, I think she is just a neat freak. Which is fine, I don’t understand that, but there are certainly worse habits. Other than a little more discipline, and a lot less germ phobe, we can’t complain about them.

I feel like we would all get along much better if our houses weren't so damn close together. Our neighborhood's claim to fame is putting houses sideways on the lot, to jam more houses in a small area. I can literally see into each of my neighbors kitchens, one from my kitchen, and so vice versa for them, and the other neighbor? His kitchen window is just a few feet from our bedroom window. I should take a picture, it's like:
"Oh hi, making eggs? Yeah, I'm just changing. Yes, this is a new bra, thanks for noticing, neighbor!" 

Mayhaps that is why he hates us. I am the kind of annoying person that forgets about that crap and walks around while changing, with the curtains open. And walks in front of our front door while it's open, and front room windows with the curtains open, etc. It's my own combination of Neighborhood Watch meets Scared Straight, as in 
Kids: This is what having babies does to your body. Don't have the sex!

Soo anyway, here’s hoping for the new neighbors. They moved in 4 houses down, next to the Yellersons. I don’t really know much about the Yellersons except they are at least 20 years older than we are, so no kids in the house with them, and they fight, a lot. One day when we were walking, they were having quite a loud, heated discussion, and by that I mean screaming at each other, including a fun chase out the door and into the car.

Good luck new neighbors. They were having a driveway sale, a good way to get to know your new neighbors in my neighborhood. No one is going to bring you cookies here, including me. I did however, bring over a couple of brochures from good places to order pizza. My husband thought that was tacky, but I thought it was a good idea. 

They seemed to like it. She said not only did they have pizza for dinner yesterday, they had it for breakfast this morning. So far, I like them.

They also have 2 boys, the SAME age as my girls, so I am glad about that. I also told her I would definitely not remember her name the next time I saw her, I literally forgot by the time we walked away, and she laughed and said same with her, so no pressure when that totally happens.

I will keep everyone posted if anything entertaining happens.