Turn Any Day Into A *G*R*E*A*T* Day

How to turn a good day into a GREAT DAY.

Step 1. Buy new LARGE Capri-Sun pouch, drink about half.

 

Given a flavor choice, I always choose BLUE

You may want to drink more than half, depending on how MANY pouches you can take/carry with you, and some other factors*.

Step 2. Get a flask funnel, (don’t even act like you don’t have one) use it to penetrate the bunghole, it's an industry term, of the pouch. 

You may say it's just a happy coincidence that the funnel for a flask PERFECTLY FITS in the bunghole of what is supposed to be an innocent juice beverage, and if so you're adorable, but one of two things is at work (play) here. It's obvy either a genius life hacker at Capri-Sun's Engineering Department, or my old man from beyond helping to finally give me good advice on how to rock this parenting thing. 

Either way.

Step 3. or maybe 2B? Fill with the booze of your choice.

 

Clean your FLASK FUNNEL after every use. Don't waste a drop.
Lookey, there's my flask I named "iPod' so I could tell my family:
"I'll be right with you, I just need to load my iPod!"

I recommend dark rum or Southern Comfort, unless you are going to be in close proximity to law enforcement or other adults. 

I imagine they will be my corporate sponsor one day

Shutup. I love this guy. He doesn't
judge your public drinking. Or Speedos.

If you are going to be in close contact with the general public (say bleachers at a t-ball game) and/or around Judgey McJudge-pants people, unless you're THIS GUY in the Speedo here, you probably don't want your breath to smell like rum. 

Career drinkers know that non-flavored vodka has that fresh, summery “I'm not drunk” smell. 

A water bottle works VERY well for this if you just want to carry plain vodka, or any clear liquid.

"I can't believe it's not water!"
Picture from hoax-slayer.com

Far from a *new* idea, my volunteer friends and I have been packing our "special water bottles" for over a decade now. 

These work great as long as clear liquor is your choice, you can carry this anywhere you're allowed to bring your own water. Just have at it, or discreetly pour some into your soda, lemonade, whatever your poison. I have done this with a small group of people and bottles of rum throughout an entire cruise. 

Drink ninjas. The kind of people you wouldn't mind getting stuck on a deserted island with.

My family and I have found our own way to quench our powerful thirst without calling attention to ourselves for as long as I can remember. My oldest sister Binky used to add cinnamon schnapps to a thermos full of apple cider for football games and throw in cinnamon sticks to mask the smell. Here we are making a roadie at my other sister, Moe's lake house.

Mmmmm, Disaronno and....anything

However if you prefer to add something that's not clear....say juice, flavored/colored or darker alcohol, these new pouches are your new key to happiness. Unlike cans, the top can reseal and unlike soda bottles they aren't full of soda and the promise of gas bloating and BPA.

On a hot day, the pouches are best if placed in the freezer for at least an hour before you venture outdoors. You can place in a cooler if you have that option, but don't use the same cooler as the kid's beverages. Those greedy little bastards will bogart the good stuff and having such a small tolerance, they will only be entertaining for a very short amount of time. I mean, that's what I imagine would happen.

*If you're only able to take along ONE of these, say because you are about to board an airplane so you can't take any with you, drink at LEAST half or more of the juice before filling the pouch with booze. Keep in mind: Your alcohol tolerance, your scheduled activities that day, and the possible need to operate any heavy machinery. 

ComfyTown always advises: FLASK RESPONSIBLY people. 

Seriously. 

Don't ruin it for the rest of us, or some uptight ass-bag will sue Capri-Sun until they will take these little beauties off the market and then what are we left with? 

Soda bottles? 

Giant old timey THERMOSES? Have you seen how BIG they are?

Actual flasks? Psssccht. Do you have any idea the kind of looks you get at a kids' baseball game when you take out an actual flask? Only pirates and Mad Eye Moody at Hogwarts can use an ACTUAL flask anywhere but in your own home anymore.  

In today's America, you can let your children watch awful ADD-inducing television all day long, let them play on an iPad all 24 hours, and feed them over-processed pink slime McAlmost-Food, but you can't have a drink or a cigarette in public without getting labeled as trash. 

I miss the freaking 80's. I don't remember much of the 70's, but they seemed really freaking groovy. Rambling into entirely a different subject, sorry. You need to be on your way to the grocery! Make it a GREAT DAY!

Takin it to the streets UPDATE:
I packed up a roadie and headed around town, trying it out. First, I took them to the bank because quite frankly looking at my bank account sober is so depressing.

Not a single fuck was given re: my drinking this in public

No one said a word so on to my not-so-secret Fashion Headquarters, the Goodwill. Yes, those are Dollar Store sunglasses, thanks for noticing.

Rocking my home-clipped SCHMEGGINGS: Jeggings shortened to Jorts

The pouch was almost empty at this point, one last stop: The grocery.

Bring on the spicy sausage, I'm well hydrated!

This store was the only place I ever had any concerns, that they would think I plucked this off the shelf and try to charge me for it. I finished it long before check-out and handed the empty a young-looking worker, who I didn't think would open it and smell it. She did not. Phew! 

In Conclusion: A full hour's worth of errands, enjoying my drink and minding my own bidness. Life the way it should be, taking ComfyTown TO THE STREETS.