Strippers, Sock Puppets, and the BEST $5 Ever Spent

Recently I saw a great movie review, complete with a recommended NUMBER OF DRINKS required to watch the movie, (nice touch btw) on the awesome NextStep Blog for the movie “Magic Mike.” 

Magic Mike is a movie about male strippers -- I mean, male DANCERS if you ask any of them. Anyway it’s basically the male version of the fantastically campy “Showgirls” movie from years ago. If that movie name automatically makes you cringe, you probably want to STOP reading at this point. We’re going straight downhill from here, people.

The Next Step Blog’s movie review is hilarious and made me smile for so many reasons. Not only because I like strippers-- er clothing-challenged DANCERS-- which I do in concept, the whole consenting adults thing, but a lot of times they make me sad. For one thing, it's very depressing that some girls don't even realize they have other things to offer the world besides their looks. Parents, make this right and check your nieces, cousins, in-laws and that kid down the street in the tube top if you can.

Another lifetime ago (“a score” of years ago,) a friend of a friend of a friend actually was a stripper--I mean Pole Worker, and the first friend kept trying to get the 2nd friend to bring her stripper friends to parties. They were fun and had lots of good stories, except for one of them. One of them pretty much ruined strippers for me. 

She was so sad with her tragic life story, and she KEPT showing everyone the scar on her breast where she was stabbed through her breast implant, which exploded, and then she had to save FOR YEARS to get her boob fixed. She couldn't even be a "good" stripper, because she had crooked boobies. I almost cried.

Yes, I spent over an hour one night telling her she needs to learn how to type and learn word processing. I offered to make her a resume, (above the sound of people calling me ‘Buzz Kill’ and worse) so she could at least get a day job with benefits, and she wouldn’t be covered in glitter and smelling of booze, smoke and man slime while dropping her kid off at school in the morning. 

I mean, even with the worst office jobs I’ve had were better than that. Yes you bring dudes coffee vs. beer, (professional women got their own coffee in my experience) you don’t get tips, and yes you still get ogled, objectified and treated like crap, but at least you can cover your lady biscuits, keep a small amount of dignity, the dry humping is OPTIONAL, I never once got stabbed, and I always had dental.  

Anyway, let’s get off strippers.

“I will if your dad will.” *nyuk nyuk*

What made me smile, besides her writing, is the memory of literally the BEST $5 I’ve EVER SPENT.

Now since we were talking about strippers, I can only imagine what you’re thinking, but to this day, the best $5 I have ever spent was over a decade ago going to a sock puppet show performance of the movie “Showgirls.”

I know.

from theatermania.com
Let’s let that sink in for a minute.

Someone had the foresight to make a sock puppet show of the movie Showgirls. 

Another “Damn why didn’t I think of that?!” moment for me.

It was kind of a big thing thanks to Harvey Finklestein taking this to real theater, or is it theatre? Either way. I looked and they’re charging $15 and I have to tell you, STILL worth it. EVERY PENNY. Twice that.

I found a review for his show at katewestreviews.com and here is a synopsis direct from a show program, in case you don’t know the story of Showgirls:
"An angry girl escapes to Las Vegas to become a dancer. After all the f*cking and bad acting she ends up having to leave Las Vegas because she hurts a bitch and opens a can of whoop ass on a celebrity, and because she is a whore, and they don't allow whores in Las Vegas." With that enticement, how can you say no?
"I'm NOT a whore!" Famous line from movie.
from cafearts.com

But before Harvey Finklestein got a hold of it, at least ten years ago a group of college kids put together a performance in a bar. It was beyond funny. Unlike most other days in my life, I actually L’ed OL, and practically R’d OFL, like for REAL. That is how funny it was.

Mostly the reason I didn’t think of this, is that somehow I had never seen the Showgirls movie, probably because of the breast implant stabbing thing. 

Upon my friend’s brilliant suggestion, we forced ourselves to rent this movie. Let me just tell you, it’s bad. Not just campy bad, which yes, can sometimes be funny, and some of the over-acting and horrible writing is so bad it is actually funny. But mostly it’s just BAD bad.

I hear the “badness” is intentional, there are drinking games and some cult following of the movie, I don’t know. I tried for a minute to google it, and you probably don't need me to tell you what you get when you google anything about “Showgirls,” and this post isn’t worth being filed in that list with the NSA.

Long story short (too late) we made it through at LEAST half of the movie before we either passed out, or went to get more booze, or went to an actual strip club, or whatever we did when we were bored in those days.

Anyway, I’m glad she forced me to watch it, because whoever wrote the sock puppet show, watched the SHIT out of that movie, and really grasped what made it kind of funny. They made fun of the bad. In a hilarious way.
No, it's NOT a zombie movie.
from widerscreenings.com

Having watched at least some of the horrible movie made the puppet show that much more fun. The people next to us said they saw the movie years ago, but they apparently didn’t remember a lot of the scenes that made the puppet show so freaking funny.

For example, there is a scene that starts in a parking lot with some EPICLY overly dramatic “acting” and I mean, we’re talking pre-teenager on her period tantrum, where the main character, Elizabeth Used-to-be-in-Saved-By-The-Bell (well, she should really just change her name to that) yells, screams, assaults an innocent car, and inexplicably vomits. Then the owner of that car comes, starts to yell at her, then suddenly she saves her from oncoming traffic, they have an awkward almost-kiss, yes right after Blondie VOMITS.

Then – yes, this gem of a scene just keeps on going - that lady buys her food, which she also assaults violently. She stabs at her drink with a straw and beats the crap out of an order of French fries, like she really hates this food. I can’t even use words to describe this. I found a clip. You HAVE to see it to believe it.
(You might want to watch this before you continue. If not now, come back and watch later because this scene is a prime example of WHY this movie is SO BAD it’s good.)
from youtube.com/watch?v=kVQk8HHUD3c  

So funny, right? Those fries really GOT SOME AIR! The drama didn’t escape the props people in the sock puppet show either, during this scene the fries really fly. Not only does that little sock puppet act it’s ass (?) off being overly dramatic, it Samuri-sword fights a straw into a cup, and then it shoves it’s little sock head into the fries and starts whipping them at the audience……

and suddenly from behind the stage area, LOTS of hands pop up and throw LOTS of French fries at the audience. I mean tons. It’s French FRY-Mageddon.

It was like French fries mated with the Greek mythological Hydra monster, where you cut its head off and it grows THREE MORE HEADS. 
You get it, LOTS of heads.
from hundredmythologyhaiku.blogspot.com

French fries were like Visa, they were EVERYWHERE you want to be.

If you just watched the movie, it was even MORE HILARIOUS. 

Also if you’ve had a few drinks, which is just another reason why I loved this show so much, open bar.

*ding ding* TAN-it’s that time again-GENT

You’ll be shocked to know that not all sock puppet shows in Chicago serve alcohol, even the adult ones. I know right? 

Another show I went to, A Christmas Carol puppet show, served NO ALCOHOL and you were warned not to bring any in. I’m not sure how smart this was in retrospect.

That just forced patrons to over pre-game, and with a carful of people you couldn’t really pack booze. Not even in the 90’s. Sooooo, some people who shall remain nameless, were FORCED to chose the easier to carry, don’t have to pee as often, mushrooms, and then certain patrons were disproportionately laughing at e-hev-erything, and probably ruining the show for others.

Certain patrons even lost their shit craughing (cry/laughing) after trying to explain a simple poop joke. The sock puppet Ghost of Christmas Future and the sock puppet Scrooge visit the grave of Scrooge, where someone has defecated on his grave, and the SPGoCF says “Eeeh, I think you were visited by The Cosbys.” Then I—err, some hypothetical, nameless patron tried to repeat it to my their sober sister and could only cry out (way too loud):

“He said the Cos-” pause for annoying laughter,
“The Co-,” determined to finish the sentence,
"THE Co-“ and then bust out in hysterically mostly crying fit, while being majorly whole-room-shushed by a an entire small theater full of people. That doesn’t happen with open bar, you just get usually-appropriate laughter. Just saying.

M’kay, back to Sock Puppet Show Girls: Another scene you had to see the movie to appreciate is the “Pool Scene.” I don’t remember much about the movie Pool Scene, except that it’s famed to be one of the literally WORST sex scenes of all time, like two dolphins having seizures bad. (More about that later.*)

While we watched the movie, all we could notice was that the sound effects guy (or girl) was REALLY OVERZEALOUS with the water sounds, you kind of couldn’t miss it. The water and splashing seemed to get louder and LOUDER and LOUDER AND LOUDER for no reason.

You started hearing water sounds, like "Did we change the channel to Jaws?" type splashing sounds, even when they seemed to be just sitting there talking, not even moving, which was really funny in itself. During the puppet show Showgirls, it was obvious this fact didn’t escape them either. 
from thrillist.com

There must have been either pre-recorded splashing sounds played, or they had a baby pool behind the stage, and the sock puppet characters started talking quieter and quieter, and the splashing got louder and louder until the crescendo, which was again a BUNCH of hands from behind the stage, popping up with military-grade water guns firing away, pointed at the audience. Some people got SO SOAKED they were pissed off, which of course made us roar with laughter! 

We got wet but we didn't care, we had to pee but we didn't dare miss a moment, and almost literally rolling on the floor at this point, I literally had to catch myself from falling out of my chair. I laughed through trying to explain to the people next to us why this was so damn funny. They did NOT agree with us. Should have watched the movie again, assholes.

In addition to the classic cinematic moments like that, just the visual of sock puppet strippers is enough to give your funny bone a major woody. 

For the following, you are welcome, no charge. Tell your friends.
from datalounge.com  The Actress in the movie
Sock Puppet Stripper. Uncanny don'tcha think?
from katewestreviews.com

Kate West’s review says they have added some props, namely:

“Cardboard car cutouts and metal poles also help direct the imagination to recall the movie.” 
This sock is THE SEX, amiright?!  from flickriver.com

She also mentions sock puppet dance numbers, which I don’t remember from our version, but how could that NOT be hilarious?

We enjoyed it so very much that after the show was over, we promptly met back up with our friends at the bar, they didn’t want to leave the bar for a sock puppet show, idiots, and we went to her apartment and started to build a stage and make puppets to act out this show.

Now, most of our friends hadn’t seen the movie in years, or some not at all, so they didn’t think it was anywhere near as funny as we did. They also were afraid we would get them wet, but her good friend was always amused by how much she & I could make each other laugh, even when no one else found us funny. I hope you have friends like that, they are priceless!

We were pretty excited and could barely get through our own little “show” because of laughing so hard. We didn’t have french fries, or water guns, or people who just saw the movie, or thought we were "funny" BUUUUT the two of us laughed and laughed until our stomachs cramped like the insane for hours. I'm laughing just remembering how much we laughed. I have rarely laughed that much in my life, and for this show, we only had a couple of drinks. 

Good times. For FIVE DOLLARS. Plus two drinks, but I would have had more than that at the bar anyway.

Seriously, if you ever have the chance to see Sock Puppet ANYTHING, change your plans, get a sitter and GO. Take pictures if you can. Then please send me an email about it.

*To prove I wasn’t just being dramatic about the pool scene being bad, I googled “bad movie sex scenes” and got this handy list. 

The Top Ten Worst Movie Sex Scenes1.    Showgirls: Elizabeth Berkley and Kyle MacLachlan (1995)
2.    Damage: Jeremy Irons and Juliette Binoche (1992)
3.    Killing me Softly: Heather Graham and Joseph Fiennes (2002)
4.    Body of Evidence: Madonna and Willem Dafoe (1993)
5.    Crimes of Passion: Kathleen Turner (1984)
6.    The Specialist: Sharon Stone and Sly Stallone (1994)
7.    Gigli: Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez (2003)
8.    40 Days and 40 Nights: Matt Sullivan and Shannyn Sossamon (2002)
9.    Matrix Reloaded: Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Ann Moss (2003)
from PerezHilton.com

10.  The Stud: Joan Collins and Oliver Tobias (1978)
Yep, it made the list at NUMBER ONE!

Why anyone would need or want this list, I’m not sure, but hey to each their own. I really love bad movies. 

One of my favorites is Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. I don’t think there are any sex scenes thankfully, but a horrible song called “Puberty Love” is worth the price of admission on that one. 

Mayhap that’s another blog post….or a sock puppet show.....stay tuned. 


  1. socks puppet showgirls = genius! i think it's time i finally watched showgirls to completion! hehehe.

    1. I wish I could tell you if it's worth or not, I never made it to the end of the movie. That may say more about my attention span than the movie though. What were we just talking about?

  2. I gotta watch this Magic Mike lol. Every female I know has watched it, regardless of the cheesiness.

    1. I'm mostly heterosexual and I haven't watched it, and I doubt I will. Just not my thing. If it has crazy cheesey over-acting like Showgirls? I'd consider it, but that seems like a once-in-a-lifetime type of so bad it's good movie.

  3. I simply must see this. I love bad movies.

    Now then, if you want to see truly the worst movie ever made, that is just epically hilarious for all of the wrong reasons, watch THE ROOM by Tommy Wiseau. Basically, a man who barely speaks English makes and stars in an incredibly overdramatic film where every single character talks just like him (because he forced them to say the lines EXACTLY as he had written them).

    It's so bad they have annual showings of it here at the college campus where kids get together and throw spoons at the screen (you have to see it to get that). We go every single year. Every. Single. Year. And each time I come out of that movie having laughed myself hoarse.

    1. That movie sounds like a giant can of Awesome. Speaking of bad movies, I recently saw your Mike's Hard commercial, holeeeey crap that was hilari-ass. I was tempted to buy some of that stuff, even though it is the exact recipe for heartburn, just because they chose your commercial! I can't wait to see it on Magic Box. I hope I recognize it in Fast Forward on my DVR, which is how I see all commercials.

  4. I feel like I have been missing out on life. . . LOL

    1. Missing sock puppet shows? Working in an office? Or being a stripper?
      Wait, did I just write your Bucket List?

  5. Showgirls is the scariest horror film I've ever seen.

    I prefer the sock puppets version. well done.

    1. I prefer the sock puppets too. That's a really weird fetish to have in common.

  6. It would be like watching an MST3K film! Must see it.

    1. I would pay MORE than $5 to have MST do this movie!

  7. Oh my God, I saw Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. My sister forced me. It was awful.

    You have thoroughly talked me into a sock pupet show. And I liked how you were very diplomatic using the proper name of Pole Workers instead of strippers.

    1. Hahaha well somewhere under all the makeup, hair extensions, glitter and implants, strippers have feelings too. Most of the just drunk ones anyway.
      Killer Tomatoes is another soo bad it's good movie!

  8. I like how this movie (the Sock Puppet one) targets the adult audience through the deception of sock puppets, which would seem to be for children. A clever marketing tactic for the mommy crowd. :)

    Very similar to how Showgirls had "that girl who was on Saved By the Bell," (and her very presence suggested wholesome goodness with latent sexual innuendo), but...BAM...straight up nakedness.

    If we're deconstructing the movies, I'm pretty sure these are significant parallels.

    Lovely movie review! Thanks for linking up in the Mischievous Mondays hop. It was truly a mischievous movie review.

    1. Wow, and I thought *I* over-thought it! You sound way too smart to be reading my blog ;) but I'm glad you did!

  9. Sock Puppet VLOGS! That can totally be your niche.

    I mean, socks are COMFY and you wear them when you go to TOWN, RIGHT??

    Just remember who suggested it when you are rich and famous... ;)

    1. hahahaha that might actually WORK! I can't stand watching MYSELF on video, but a sock puppet me? I accept that. Thanks!

  10. I tried to watch Showgirls when it first came out, but lasted all of 5 minutes and never tried again. At least you made it through halfway. I applaud you. The sock puppet version, however, I'd see. Even if it meant getting soaked.

    1. I do really have a thing for movies that are SO BAD they're good, especially campy old horror and SciFi, so between THAT and the promise of a sock puppet parody coming up, those are the only reasons I got that far.

  11. As a former male stripper (yes, I said stripper) I wholeheartedly approve of this post! Showgirls was a joke of a movie. As for sock puppets well there was a time when I wore one in my performances!

    Hot damn you're a crazy one, and I like that! Just dropping by from Terrye's blog hop. I just signed up to stalk you, uh, I mean follow you by email, bloglovin, twitter, outside your window, etc.

    Hope you follow my NYC humor and food blog too. I dig stalkers.


    1. Do you introduce yourself like that all the time? Because you REALLY SHOULD. Are you running for mayor of NYC? You can text me a D pic if you want to know if you "stand up" to Anthony Weiner. I mean, the BIG Apple needs a big ma---MAYOR. Ok, I have to stop now.
      I'm way ahead of you, already followed you after your "Let's Erect Carlos Danger" post, and I didn't even know you were a former stripper then, so you know my like is REAL.

    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    3. Hahaha! So glad to meat, um, meet you!

    4. Nice! Way to get the last worm. Word.

  12. Girl Show Girls is the best movie to watch completely wasted face!! It is ridiculous and you feel pretty. Oh and I knew Jessie would grow up to be a "pole worker" and for the record???? Sock puppets tell the truth.

    1. I wouldn't even TRY to watch any of that sober. Is that your super power? I have no evidence of sock puppets lying, maybe they're just REALLY GOOD Fuzzy Little Liars?

  13. All those beautiful sexy women, and the film still sucked. Boring! -- Norine of Science of Parenthood

    1. Well a scientist like yourself knows, sometimes it's MORE than just a formula that makes something good :)

  14. LAWD, those sock puppets are hilarious!!! I do love me a stipper though 'cause those chicks put food on my dinner table baby, and they pay in cold hard cash!!!! My hubby is the implant king. It's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it right?

    1. There are plenty of dirtier jobs. Nothing wrong with any of that, and I love happy strippers! Just the ones with awful daddies, horrible stories and ugly scars make keys sad.

  15. I have a confession. I actually saw that movie on the big screen. I paid good money to see it. I don't know if I would pay money to see the sock monkey version, but it sounds much better than the original. I did have fun reading this post, though. I would pay the most money of all three to read this post.

    1. hahaha AWESOME! Do we want to know WHAT (or who?) inspired you to PAY to see that movie on the big screen?? Not judging, just wondering if there was a good story, or some kind of deal, behind that :)

      p.s. I'm taking a screen capture of your comment and framing it! Move over pictures of kids, Momma has a NEW favorite thing to be proud of! So glad you enjoyed it.

  16. Who'd have thought that we'd both have Magic Mike references in the same week? Yours was way better though!

    Have you ever seen Sifl and Ollie? This gave me some disturbing flashbacks... HILARIOUS! THanks for hooking up to the Humor Me Blog Hop!

    1. I have not seen Sifl and Ollie, but I will be googling that!

  17. sadly the last strip scene I can think of was in Mr. Mom and Chris Farley - I like comedies (who woulda guessed?!) by the sound of some of these maybe they were comedies??

    1. I LOVE Mr. Mom. My brother & I know every word. "Irv, we weren't even IN Aisle 4!" It was a comedy to me!