J-Lo Gave Me The Dang Fever

Gaht@mn you, J-Lo. I was innocently taking and posting pictures of shiny objects that caught my eye at Kohl's today, like these beautiful blinged out, bunyon-friendly Bingo boots.
Merry Christmas, Aunt Bea!
I mean just because you have to accommodate mole skin on your feet is no reason to stop dressing like a hoochie mama. 

Then I saw this. At Kohl's. With my family. MY KIDS were there!
The blanket and pillows are covered in SEQUINS
Caution: Objects are MUCH SHINIER in person

*GASP* Well, flick my Bic. Is it the 70's again already?? 

WHO the hell could sleep INSIDE a disco ball, on a sequined pillow? 
THIS GIRL, that's who
from Pinterest/bidgegiff.com

Don't get me wrong, this Disco ball theme is pretty amaze-balls (see what I did there?) for a Vegas hotel room and an upscale(ish) whorehouse, but in your house

Could you have this in your HOME where you live? Presumably with your FAMILY?

Let's not even think about the oxymoron of a sequined pillow, that's right up there with Porcupine Tampons, but the VISUAL of how shiny and bright this is, I can't even. 

My camera can't even. 

The picture doesn't do it justice. There is no justice anymore. Know what? I'm taking you down the rabbit hole with me. 

I was wondering if sequins and/or disco balls were making some kind of weird comeback. It could happen, someone posted on Facebook that pubic hair is making a comeback. Yay, just like my clothing, my secret garden is so far out of style it's back IN style again.

I made the mistake of searching something to do with a disco ball, somehow I was given this gem.
So much cool. My husband is lucky I don't have any money
from jmgregoirebooks.com
The Disco Ball Deathstar started to turned me around a little bit. This is pretty damn cool. What if you did a whole Disco bedroom?
from ca.movies.yahoo.com
Then I guess you would be Superman. 

What about the rest of the house though....
from Pinterest/bidgegiff.com
Is it just me, or do these millions of mirrors refracting light all over the place kind of make you feel groovy? Can you dig it?

Disco Ball Kitchen? No, no say it ain't so, Joe. Oh, it is SO.
Hmmm, maybe this is where I draw the line?
from redbubble.com
This would probably me for most of the day, too, so maaaybe the kitchen is not the best idea.

But the rest of the house....it's ON. Like Donkey Kong, at the break of DAWN, and other words that rhyme with on.

from interiorsystudiom.com
Don't be so square, you cheese weasel. This is Dyno-mite.
Well that escalated FABulously
from hautekhuuture.blogspot.com
I don't know. I went from "I can't even" to my best Veruca Salt impression:

I started picturing replacing our current colorful, Rainbow-ALL-The-Things with shiny, reflective balls. How can that be wrong, I ask you? Scope this out, Foxy Mama. 
from hautekhuuture.blogspot.com
I want to take a Twilight Two-zee
from taipeibathrooms.blogspot.com
I'm not sure how you make this Hover Disco Ball happen, but that backyard dance party would be Kool and the GANG.
from Pinterest/bidgegiff.com
I might need some new threads.
Funkydorae. Do you think this comes in XXL?
from hautekhuuture.blogspot.com
I don't know if my old man will go for a disco ball themed crib, maybe just the downstairs bar area.
from weheartit.com

Damn you and your sequin sheets, J-Lo you jive turkey. 

Now I've got the Disco Fever! 

And I don't think More Cowbell is going to cure it. We have a small disco ball light in our basement, so I brought it up here to groove on.

Peace, Pigeons

What else could we do. We had to boogie, 70's style. 

What choice did we have?

Hell yes we have a mini disco ball in ComfyTown. 

And a complete pimp outfit. 

And this necklace for some reason. 
Pimp Comfula says:
"Where's my money, ho?"

Don't you?

We took some video of our dance party but it's really long.

As soon as it starts, skip ahead to about a minute and a half in. The baby does a pretty funny number at the end.

Catch you on the flip side, cool cats. Peace!

Even gave Bruce Jenner and Kris whatever got the fever.

TToT: No Thanks For BS Black Friday

Thankful, thankful eeerbody's thankful. Good time for Ten Things of Thankful!
So much:
  • Pies
  • Turkeys
  • Turkey Gravy Martinis (probably a thing)
  • Stretchy clothes
    It's a HOLIDAY

and that all goes without saying, but since it's TEN THINGS and my TWO little girls are fighting for attention, so let's just count that as things, m'kay? Thanks.

4. I'm thankful that BSBF B.S.Black Friday is OVER, because it makes my soul want to puke. If you don't know what that is, thank all the gods, old and new! American retail stores offer slightly discounted prices, mostly on sub-standard electronics, but you have to go when stores should be closed: ON actual Thanksgiving Day and/or through that night, when you should be SLEEPING. This makes people crazy. Obviously.

Ever watch reality TV shows? You shouldn't, they're whore-ible. They keep people up late, and wake them up early ON PURPOSE, because it makes humans coo-koo pants crazy to go without sleep. It's a FACT. 

There were shootings in a Kohl's parking lot this year not far from my home, and I live near Chicago so yes, that happens every day unfortunately, but should we be ENCOURAGING this madness, America? For a few extra bucks to stores that are NOT hurting for money. Shame, shame, we know your name. And it's a swear.
Lie, I do not. I kind of love it.
from redvinesandredwine.blogspot.com

5. Thankful for my blog where I can vent about it, give people ideas for NOT Black-Friday-ing, give ONLINE places to get great gifts and deals, and also laugh about the madness. Sometimes whattayagonnado? You have to laugh. 

When I say 'you' I mean *I* have to laugh.

6. My blog's Facebook page, where I can vent about my soul nausea and get the adult human interaction I crave, and have a much-needed laugh.
 7. Speaking of online shopping: That. For the years I was big, fat, painfully pregnant during the holiday season, this SAVED MY mind and body a great deal of stress. Cyber Monday is amazing, and the discount sites EVERY DAY!

8. Specifically e-Bay, the best thing in the history of forever, for a girl who HATES freaking shopping. With the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. I did EVERY SINGLE BIT of my holiday shopping online 4 years ago, and I swear I could hear choirs of angels singing in my head as I sat in my comfy recliner on my fat hams with my fat feet up. But that might have been the YouTube videos I played of angels singing. 

We were broke, I was in pain, and I got everyone little tchotchkes (pronounced 'chach-ki' Polish word for "junky knick knacks") and jokey-joke gifts and didn't have to wait in any roller coaster lines. I did have to start in August to spread out the cost, but I got everyone at least SOMETHING and they were all super happy, and said my gifts ruled and I should be a personal shopper. So if you need me to do that for you, email me at comfytown@gmail.com. The End.

I already bought myself a 2013 Christmas/Birthday gift (well, my husband approved and he did pay for it, so it counts.) I ordered these amazing, comfy Star Wars stretchy pants to go with my husband's fleece Darth Vader ComfyTown house pants. You can have them too for the low price of $12 NO SHIPPING! Act now.
I'm REALLY going to test the stretchy-ness of these bad boys!
9. I'm MOST thankful this week for Perspective, which was provided by son's friend who used to live with us. Click "Perspective" for the full back story, don't worry it's not a tear-jerker, but hopefully it's a knee-jerker (?) spiritually on some level. 

10. Speaking of teens, this is weird, but I'm thankful for Disney and the kids of Disney growing up before our very eyes, some of them determined to let everyone know they are NO LONGER a Disney kid, and full-on rebelling hard core! 

Well okay, hard care might be a bit dramatic, they're not violent murderers exactly, just eye-rapers with their scary gross fashion choices, on stage weed-smokin' (in Amsterdam where it's legal) icky-music producing, young adults. 
JOKE. Found at Snarkfest Blog's Facebook page

Somehow this makes me feel better as a parent. It just goes to show that even under THEE MOST STRICT of guidance, teens are going to be teens. Some are going to rebel, push the limits of their boundaries, and test the patience of everyone and everything around them. My son is a Jedi Master of this. I keep feeling I messed up, I was too strict, I know I was with food, I didn't do this, I did too much of this, High Fructose Corn Syrup, other b.s. crap people throw at you, and blah blah blabbety blah and I really need to CUT THAT $HIT OUT. He's a good kid, he'll work it out. Eventually. 

In the meantime I'm thankful for booze and venting in blog posts like these!

I am enormously thankful for ALL-A-YOUS who read this nonsense, especially anyone and everyone who leaves comments, I love me some comments.


Most Thankful For: Perspective

Thankful, that word. That is the hardest thing to be, isn’t it? Would you rather be filthy rich and not grateful, or able to really be thankful for what you have? 

Making money is (relatively) easy in my America, we never need miss a meal and our ‘hash-tag First World Problems’ are so plentiful, they’re always trending on social media. If you know what that means, and have access to the internet, this is what I’m talkin’ bout Willis.

Yet, with all of this life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, it’s easy to take it all for granted. I’m not above this, not at all, just a human meat bag making some observations. I’m posting sarcastic thankful posts, weird turkey pictures and boozey Thanksgiving memes, just like the best of us.

My teenager does a great job of making sure I never forget to be thankful for what I have. I have a healthy, happy family. That is an enormous sentence from someone who went through what I’ve gone through. My life hasn’t been, and will never be perfect, and I don’t even shoot for perfect. Just happy. We’re there.

We are happy and thankful, and enjoying toddler wonderful silliness and typical older teenage issues. Sometimes they feel overwhelming, heart-breaking, “oh, what have I done wrong?” type stress, and then….something gives me perspective. He brought home his friend that used to live with us. Just for the night this time. He wanted to be with the closest thing to a family on this day, since he can’t be with his family today.

His friend is 18 years old, he JUST graduated high school, and he represents the many homeless in America. Through no fault of his own, he has had to provide for himself completely since before he turned 18, thanks to whatever battle his mother is always fighting. She kept him around, occasionally dodging him, moving the family all over hell and back, and often not answering his calls, until he turned 18. That is when she stopped getting support from the government for him, so she had no further use for him apparently. Beyond heart breaking. I haven't the appropriate words.

I don't know a lot about her battle, she hasn't chosen to share with me or receive help from me, or from a lot of people. Only she knows what she's going through. It's not my place to judge. It's very hard not to, lemme tell you.

I have been in dark places, faced some demons, so I know a very little bit about struggles you hide from everyone but yourself. I wish I could help her, but instead I helped her son.

He was still in high school when that happened. He stayed with us, we fed him, got him what he needed, communicated with the school, and he graduated, and he is thriving. He has 3 jobs and wants to go back to taking classes at our community college, if and when he can find the time. He’s a sweet kid, a good person, takes nothing for granted. He has asked us politely for everything we have ever given him, refused many things offered, and continues to thank us when he sees us. We don’t see him often because he’s always working. When we do see him, he is always smiling.

He is part of an amazing homeless program that helps him get and stay on track. They give him a place to live, he gives them his paychecks and they help him plan and budget. Anyone who doesn’t believe in social programs, REALLY needs to sit down and have a talk with this kid. This man who was forced to be a man when he should have still been a kid. He works hard, he’s always in a good mood, clean and polite, he takes nothing for granted. He is amazing.

I’m grateful to know him and to have helped him. I’m glad he was a part of our lives. My children love him, my Lola talks about him all the time. Today he just wanted to be with us, because his mother is in rehab again so he can’t be with her. I’m beyond grateful that he’s here, that he wanted to be here.                                                                                                                     
I’m grateful that I was raised by a family that taught me to always help people in these situations. Not to be afraid of people that need help, not to turn my back, but instead to stretch out a hand and ask “How can I help you?” even when I feel like I don’t have any KIND of my shit together.

I may not have been very grateful for that growing up, but I sure am now. In our world of plenty, what we lack is regular, everyday people who appreciate whatever they have, and are willing to help others. I know no matter how I struggle, I can still help people. Even *I* can make someone else’s struggle a little bit better. 

My family growing up had more than our fair share of struggle, beyond things not going as planned. I don’t think Lifetime Television could have but planned or not planned our drama, but we always had “extra” people. My sisters would bring home people that had nowhere else to go, and just wanted to sleep or shower inside for a change.

We often had a friend of someone’s staying with us, or living with us, or taking a nap in someone’s bed (and yes, sometimes they were just ‘sleeping it off’.) This gave us perspective. And I would lying, through my social-smoker yellowish teeth, if I didn't say that hopefully this kind of shit guaranteed us a good spot on the Karma bus. Because seriously, you bet your spiral-sliced hams we could use it honey.

These extra people, these situations, were a gift from the Universe whether we knew it or not. My family got through our hard times, we are stronger because of it. We don’t let our petty bullshit drive us apart, we speak our minds, we own who we are, we are not afraid of anything. We help people. We’re weird, we make mistakes, but we give back to this world more than we take. Probably. We teach our children to do the same.

Today is Thanksgiving, and that we are. We are celebrating with my husband’s family today, I was relieved that this year I don’t have to host it, I don’t have to do all the cooking. I don’t have to do a damn thing but dress myself and my girls, oh and I offered to bring a ham. Knowing that my son’s friend is here, I got up and started preparing to roast a chicken, make stuffing and a pumpkin pie so he can have some good food to eat right here and now, and some to take with him. I’m happy to do it. I wish I could do more.

Being the super prepared person that I am (not,) it appears I used all the canned pumpkin in the kids’ oatmeal and yogurt this week so I will have to make a “pumpkin” cheesecake, and by pumpkin I mean butternut squash. I read somewhere online a lot of canned pumpkin is mostly squash, so hopefully no one will know. It beats going to the store on Thanksgiving Day, which is canned bullshit. We’ll make do. People have for centuries, we can too.

And we will all be grateful to do it. 


I am beyond thankful for my strange lovable family, my wonderful husband, who almost understands why I have to suddenly cook a huge meal this morning, and kind of understands why I have to also write about it, instead of enjoying my family right now. 

Of course I'm thankful for my children, my second chance at children, who don't understand me at all, and are standing here wanting attention, the baby crying "PIE!" because she sees the pie crust on the counter. 

I am thankful for my many mistakes leading me to a place where I can be HAPPY and grateful. Today I'm most thankful for that perspective. If I hadn't gone through absolute misery, could I be absolutely happy? Who knows, who cares. Life is not perfect, and it would be effing BORING if it were. 

Enjoy the good times, learn from the bad, enjoy every single stinking day because it's all we get! 

This picture reminded me of my weird, tattooed, very real, very 'Murican, very loving family. We have "DFILY" tattooed variously on our family members and it stands for: Don't Forget I Love You
Well, we don't ALL have tats, and only my mom watches Nascar

Happy Thanksgiving from ComfyTown, where gratitude pours from our horn o'plenty!


Blog and Social Media Hop

Hiya Snappers! Welcome back to the 29th week of the Tattler Thursday Blog and Social Network Hop!

It's time to tattle and hop!

It's a share your crazy, gross, hilarious, in-the-trenches parenthood stories, or any tattle that you may want to share with us, that has nothing to do with kids, kind of blog hop! We love funny stories and we want to hear yours! You don't have to have kids to participate!

Just leave a comment with your story, post not required! So think of your funniest, wackiest or favorite stories, leave a comment  with your story/tattle, follow your Hostesses and Co-Hostesses, visit and discover other blogs, and have fun!

Remember the easiest way to get a follow back is to like/follow other pages and leave a comment! So hop around, tell your friends and share, share, share! This is a hop designed for you to have fun and share! Happy Tattling!

about the Blog Hop HERE!

Tattler Thursday Button

The Rules are:
1- Follow Your Host and Co-Hostesses
2- Grab the button and display it on your blog or hop page/section
3- Leave a comment with a funny, wacky, or gross kid story/tattle

*Be Sure to Hop over to other blogs and visit/network and share the Hop

*Have fun Hopping! (and come back next week!)

Your Hostesses
The Wild and Wonderful World of GingerssnapsComfytown Chronicles

The Co-Hostesses
Complete Bliss Blog    I'm No Hum Drum Mum

***If you have any questions or suggestions, you can reach us at tattlerthursday@gmail.com***


Black Friday: NOPE

I don't know how anyone else feels about Black Friday, but I can sum up my feelings in this .gif:
Found at AwesomeLuvvie.com
I know some people really love it, like my sister, and if that is your bliss, well follow it I suppose, just please try not to stampede anyone at least. I don't like shopping in the best conditions (post-apocalypse) let alone in the middle of a freezing cold night with hopped-up strangers.

Being super pregnant around this time of year has taught me a few things, mostly really gross food combinations, but also now to avoid Black Friday. Also, almost completely avoid holiday shopping anywhere but the comfort of my own Lazy-Boy chair. I'm talking on ANY budget. 

My budget for the holidays the last few years is negative dollars, which means: 
Remember that Flintstones episode? From sodahead.com
Charge it. I HATE credit cards, so yes, keeping the cost low is a necessity. I did most of my shopping those years online. A growing trend indeed. You have to be careful, some sites inflate prices compared to those you can find in a brick and mortar store. 

You also have to keep things like shipping and handling costs. Those handling charges will kill you. You also have to leave enough time for the items to ship, say if you don't pay attention and order something from Hong Kong 2 weeks before Christmas. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Hot items can sell out quickly. If you were looking to get your loved ones the delicious (?) Kentucky Fried Chicken candles, they sold out in 1 minute. People obviously thought you could eat them.
NO, I did NOT make this up! from eater.com
There are tons of online-only retailers, Overstock.com (I've never found anything great) and chain stores also offer online options, Target.com and did you know if you order from Toys R Us online, you can save on shipping and have your purchase ready and WAITING at the store? You only have to go to Customer Service, and you can PAY online, eliminating some lines.

Best of all, these online kiosks from heaven deliver to you at discounted prices. My favorites are e-Bay (many wholesalers have NEW items,) Half.com, which is e-bay for books, and Amazon.com, which has a used section, and a site I recently discovered called Swap.com which sends out emails with FREE SHIPPING codes about once a month. I have purchased books for PENNIES. Plus shipping.

With these sites, try to search the SAME SELLER to save on shipping, btw.

e-Bay will cover everything from baby items and clothes, 
to toys for toddlers and kids, 
Legos, dolls and toys for all kids, 
collectibles for older kids, 
music posters and paraphernalia, e.g. earbud earmuffs, for older teens and adults, 
books and clothes for any one, 
and even foodstuffs and vitamins for the "young at heart," which is a polite way to say OLD PEOPLE. 

And no, that's NOT insensitive, I can say that having purchased vitamins and flaxseed from e-Bay, because I'm "I have purchased items to help me poop" years old. 

You may have people on your list that are difficult to buy for, or that funkle (fake uncle,) or mayhaps in the office grab bag you drew the Larry Dallas of the office. 
The caramel Booty.
Variety of colors.

No worries, don't start unpacking your tent for Black Friday! 

Try a Booty Pillow. Yes, it's a pillow shaped like the small of a woman's back including buttocks. Buttocks is a fun word, and even more fun as a gift. 

When I drew the office weirdo's name one year, he creeped me out way too much to get him a Booty Pillow, so I got him a subscription to The Onion. It went over our monetary limit, but since everyone in the office got to read it after he was done, I considered it a loophole. Plus, The ONION! They have calendars, mugs and many, many items to chose from. That sentence is a link you can click, after you read this whole helpful post that is. 

If you're shopping for an even less mature (ironic) crowd, perfect. That's right up my alley. Here are some amazing online stores that have HUNDREDS of items at all price levels:

Perpetual Kid

^ Also a link. One of my favorite places to online shop. They have everything from gadgets, like a mechanical ice cream cone that spins itself, to the trendy, including a complete section of "mustache" items, some classics, whoopy cushions, bacon-flavored everything, to the practical:
A variety of funny-labeled hand sanitizers such as "Maybe You Touched Your Genitals". 

Yes, there is a rainbow and unicorn section, including Unicorn Corn on the Cob Holders.

Click on "Perpetual Kid" for a link, I mean AFTER you read this whole thing, scroll back up. 

They also have an amazing home-made CRAFT gift where you can make artwork from chewed up, spit-out gum. You might have to see it to believe it: Click here to see: Chew-By-Number. You could also DIY one with gum and a coloring book.

You WILL see something you like, here are a couple of coupon codes.


A little something for everyone, girls, boys, squirrles (they have squirrel underpants.) Neato Shop is chock full of stocking stuffers like zombie gingerbread ornaments, DORK socks, T-shirts, minion merch, French Fry lip balm, inflatable toupees and bears, fashionable sashes such as "Miss Appropriate" and other essentials. 

Think Geek

I could spend thousands here, and probably have over the course of my life. My husband is very difficult to shop for, and we're both pretty geeky.

They have everything from Star Wars and Trek, Big Bang Theory, Game of Thrones, Marvel comics, Minecraft, an entire Bacon section (can we move past this already or what?) and much, much more.

They also have a whole week of deals!
 BLACK FRIDAY WEEK!   20% Off Orders $40+   Use the code BLACKMAGIC

If you're thinking "What about girls?" I've got you right now.

Something small and different? How about a bottle of mood nail polish? Changes color, from top to bottom color.

The color CHANGES (with your body temperature) from TheMoodPolish.com I haven't ordered from HERE, so I can't say whether these work, but I did get a bottle of changing polish on a cruise, and it did change color in the sun and go back darker inside. 

Their clothes are great

This is so much better than it sounds. I'm not a girly girl and I could (and have) spent ALL DAY just looking at the cool stuff on this site. They have the coolest clothing, jewelry, ornaments, Home Decor, stuff for kids, pets.... and Stocking Stuffers are 15% off this week.

Click that link for everything from "Think Ink" tattooed footy pajamas, to retro bird cage babydoll dresses, to steampunk octopus jewelry. You're welcome, my friends.

Dads and Dudes? I got that, too.

Always the hardest to shop for. If you don't have a Sharper Image budget (and who does?) try Firebox.com 

They have a wide variety of random stuff like Duff beer in a can, but warning a case is $40 plus shipping and it probably tastes? Pretty bad. 

Mayhaps you're better off giving the beer soap for under $10, or try underwater chromatherapy lights for $12. 

Gadgets and Gear

Dali watch
Just what it sounds like, and so much more. Not only do they have tons of cool nerdy stuff, like mustache watches, gag gifts, and also a bacon section, check out this Dali watch where the mustache IS the hour and minute hands. 

WHO wouldn't want that??

Before you answer that question, there is something for everyone here. Check out the below. You can actually give someone a Flying Fuck. 

I think you're holiday shopping just finished itself.

Some random GOLDEN gifts, no gift receipt needed

For anyone who likes beer:
Beercandy. You read that read. Click it if it sounds too good to be true, that's what I once thought. Caramels made with beer, beer taffy, hopdrops and even merch.

Christmas Day is my birthday, and don't worry, you can totally order liquor online. I'm registered at Binny's Beverage Depot, as I am every year. 

Happy Holidays everyone! And before you go on a "Say Merry Christmas" rant, you should remember a couple of things:

1. Say whatever YOU want, it's your America too, but 
2. Don't ever tell me what to say, and
3. I have non-Christian friends who celebrate different holidays in December, and that's OKAY. I'm not taking the "Chris" out of your "T-mas" if I want to include my Jewish friends, and my one Wiccan friend (they celebrate the birth of the Sun, not the Son, in December) in one fell swoop. 

Here is a quick visual to help you out with this tricky verbal quagmire, to help you realize when you ARE and are NOT being religiously persecuted.