2013-11-22

Interviews With The Inappropriate

This is the first of hopefully many cross-blog interviews with my favorite bloggers, inappropriate bloggers. 

I don't know why they asked me to join in? Moi? I mean who, pray tell, is more appropriate than I? 
If you answered "Every person everywhere," you win. 

1.       What made you start blogging?

My husband. Quite literally.

I had talked about it, as in “maybe in a couple of years,” and then he got the domain www.comfytownchronicles.com 
(which I don’t love the 2nd word, but whatever) for my birthday and *voila*. I’m so not ready, I hardly post, my posts aren’t great as you can see, I mess stuff up ALL THE TIME, but I’m doing what I can, when I can. It has sucked lately, hopefully not for long.

2.     What is the meaning behind the name of your blog?

It was the name I gave my husband’s house where he grew up. I’ve never felt more comfortable anywhere in my entire life, as a child or an adult. I wrote a post, geniusly entitled “What the hell is a ComfyTown?”

I actually miss the house, and it was an old, lived-in (beat-up) house with ONE bathroom and rickety unsafe stairs I fell down several times. In the houses defense, we drank a lot and I am very clumsy.

We had to move from there, long story, but we agreed that anywhere we live is just a building and ComfyTown can be anywhere we bring it. I know, we're freaking adorable.

3.     How has blogging affected your daily life and do you get nervous when posting your thoughts for the interwebs to judge?

READING blogs helped me immensely. I don’t like a lot of what is on television so it’s major entertainment for me. It also helps to know I’m not the only one who feels this way. Parenting small children is a lot of fun, but it’s hard, lonely work. Parents NEED a network, not only for the bond, but also to learn from people who are so much smarter than I am.  

Mmmm, mostly I don't.
Being a weirdo most of my life, and having older sisters I could never live up to has given me the magic ability not to give a shit if people don’t agree with me, most of the time they don’t. 

I just wish people were a little more open-minded and willing to listen to other people’s opinions and experiences. That doesn’t mean they have to become yours, but learning about other people and what has happened to them can only make you grow as a person.

I realize it’s in people’s nature to judge, we can’t help it. I welcome a calm, relatively polite debate. Usually. One lady told me on my Facebook page that if my kids had a ball go in her yard, she would keep it. I told her she sounded like an asshole, and went on and on about how she should drive her pickup truck to Wal-Mart to get extra hemorrhoid cream because she sounded like a super big asshole, but then we kept talking for some stupid reason. She explained she was raised by her (forget the exact word, something between “strict” and “crabby”) old grandparents, so that’s why she feels that way.

I never did hit the “Delete and Ban” button, and I don’t think she unliked my page, but I can’t remember her name. My hope is that she didn’t leave and we are both better people from this exchange, but I don’t live on a rainbow or work at an “Asshole Repair Shop”, so quite frankly if she’s still an asshole, (which I'm not saying I'm not an asshole, we all are sometimes if you're doing it right,) hopefully I can at least make her smile once in awhile with my silliness.

4.     How does your partner/others in your life feel about blogging? Do they find it invasive or do they fully support the blog effort?

My husband is very supportive, in a “Well, just write a best-selling book and get us out of this poor house” way. If it were just that easy.

He does, however, think that by taking the kids outside for 15 minutes, I should be able to bang out thoughtful, well-written posts for the week, and maybe some bloggers can do that, but I am not there yet. Obviously, if you’ve read my writing.

5.      What are your limits on your blog....?  (What don't you talk about, who don't you name, ect)

I don’t talk about our sex life because I imagine people do not want to know about that, and if you do PLEASE for the love of all that is lubricated, do NOT tell me. If something hilarious happens, I’ll let you know.

I often don’t talk about things that make me crabby because I’m not always able to make it funny, and I don’t want to bring anyone down. If I’m away from my blog and/or social media, it’s because I’m super busy or super crabby. Or often: Both.

6.     What is the most inappropriate/awful/shitty thing you ever blogged about, and did it you actually post it to your blog?

I have blogged about strippers, sock puppets, day drinking, binge eating, I’m not really sure which is THEE shittiest. That seems kind of subjective, you know?
The stripper I met that got stabbed in her breast implant, and said she hates that she drops her son off for school smelling like booze and “guys,” forever ruining strippers for me, that was pretty shitty.

7.      How do you feel, as a writer, about the digitization of books? Do you prefer your Kindle or an old fashion paperback?

PAPER. Forever. I don’t really consider myself a writer right now, my blog is more of a silly comic strip, and I’m glad for ANYONE to point their face at it, in any way.
I don’t know, eventually for the ease of it, I’m sure I will start to purchase e-books. I have gotten a few already, to support fellow bloggers that wrote books, etc., but I always prefer paper books.

I get the concept, though. Life has to be about what is easiest, there is just too much going on. I would rather be able to get an e-book online, than wait to try to get an actual book, in my life, that doesn’t happen right now. I actually have to listen to audiobooks right now, while I’m strolling with my kids, in my car, sleeping at night, or I would not be able to read much of anything. THAT would suck.

8.     What 3 things are you reading online (blogs/websites, e-magazines, or social media) do you follow or always read when you see new content, even when you’re busy?

I follow a ton of blogs, but I MAKE time for bitches gotta eat. I love it hard.
I like Bitch magazine, definitely for the name, and Huffington Post, even though most of their information comes from other sources, and their format of “Top 10 blah blah blah’ and having to click the damn SIDE ARROW to go to yet ANOTHER screen full of damn ads totally annoys me, but they seem to cover a lot of territory and I don’t have to go searching for what’s current. I have NO clue what’s current, half the time when people mention celebrity names, I have no clue who they even are. That makes me feel even older. Don’t be twerking, especially not on my lawn, you kids.

I follow several liquor manufacturers on Facebook, it’s easier to stay current there, and I just saw YESTERDAY that Pinnacle vodka (makers of Pumpkin Pie Vodka) have made a Cinnabon flavored vodka.
I wanted to do a PicMonkey picture of an entire thanksgiving dinner made of flavored vodkas, but my life won’t allow me the time to do this. If you’re great with PicMonkey, have at it, please mention my name and the idea is yours J I have a million of them, actually, if anyone would like to barter for these ideas I never have time to follow up with.

9.     What song/singer/band is on your iPod that would surprise people the most?

For working out, I have some Brittney songs. From like 10 years ago, that’s the last time I gave a crap about music and things like working out.
Other than that, I have old jazz because I’m an old lady in my soul, and a lot of Sneakerpimps, because ear-cake.

10. Who is your biggest celebrity crush?

This is always awkward for me. I don’t know that I have them, except for Patrick Stewart and William Shatner. I did a blog post called “Old Man Crushes” that explains it, it's actually one of my funnier posts. 

basically I am usually not attracted to most people just for the way they look. I like people for the way they make me feel. William Shatner and Patrick Stewart are dead sexy and make my lady parts smile.
He gives you a lady boner, you know it.
11.   What is your guilty pleasure?

What ISN’T?


(See my blog description for an idea.)

12. If you could offer a baby only one piece of advice (kind of like the fairies in Sleeping Beauty), what would it be?

Try to BE QUIET. Mommy needs quiet. 
In my experience, babies give zero shits what you tell them, they do what they want. That's why I like babies. They're awesome. Do your thang, baby. Just, quietly.

13. Has your biggest fear ever come true?

I am thinking it might, but I may just be an over-protective mom. My son hates school, he just started college and he really, really hates it. Like Americans hate eating healthy food, and Republicans hate helping fellow human beings, that is how much he hates it. I know, college doesn’t make or break a person, but I do want him to find his place, and use his creativity. He has a gift to share with the universe, I hope he can find a way to share it.

14. When something awesome happens to you, who do you call first?

The news. 
My husband, and then my sisters. But I might put it on my blog’s Facebook page first. Is that weird?

15.  What is your passion and do you do it for a living? If not, why not?

Reading, and making people laugh, or I’ll settle for a smile. 

Get paid? Dude, I cannot give that shit away right now. I’m trying.

16. Give us your worst/funniest/silliest/most interesting SELFIE picture. 

This is gross, I rarely take good pictures and this is a DOOZY. Yes, I still get perms because my hair sucks balls and this makes getting ready EVERY SINGLE DAY way faster, plus it will always be the radical, tubular 80's in my heart.
Forgot the duck face. So sexy.
17.  What is your favorite childhood movie?

This is tough, I loved the few movies we saw at the theater:
The Dark Crystal, Return of the Jedi (Yes, I’m that old) and A Christmas Story, which my dad had a friend from work take us, in his car, that he very obviously lived in, and told us about that on the way home from the movie. True story.
My brother and I thought it was awesome. I have no idea how well my dad knew this guy before paying him to drive off with us, but nothing bad happened and he was a nice guy, so it turns out mayhaps my old man was kind of a good judge of character after all ??

18.  If you could be any kind of animal, what would you be and why?

Definitely some kind of sloth. I’ve been tired since I was born. I’ve never been the same since then.

19. What's your favorite adult beverage?

Booze, but you probably mean specifically. Usually beer, unless it’s been a tough day, then Southern Comfort or whatever brown liquor I can get my grubby hands on.

20.                      How many drinks does it take before you get drunk and what is your bad drunken habit?

Not many. I had back to back babies, so one of the bonuses is you get to start all over again tolerance-wise. Shots summon Drunk Joy, and  you never know what you’re gonna get. I may just sing Rawhide as I did (badly) last Saturday night, or I may escape and send my husband on a wild goose chase all over Las Vegas. I have no idea why I did that. Well, amaretto and champagne at the Black Jack table I guess is why.

21.   If you had to appear on the popular Gameshow, "Baggage" as a contestant (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baggage_(TV_series)), what would your 3 pieces of baggage be? (NO explanations)

a. I will cut you, or walk out of a wedding, or punch you in your stupid jerk face if you disrespect me, especially in public.
b. I cannot tolerate Romantic movies or any such nonsense. NO!
c. I was married to the World's Biggest Jerkhole.

21. Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms?

Lawd no. Too old, tired, lazy. It seems like it would take less energy to fight off whatever disease I might get then support my massive weight with my clumsy, doughy legs while keeping track of 2 little ones. Germs can suck it, I’m stronger than that.

22.                       What's the strangest talent you have?

I can do a few good impressions, but they are REALLY random, most people have no idea who they are: Harry Carry, Velvet from Elmo’s World, randos like that. I wish I could do more, but my voice is weird.

23.                       If the zombie apocalypse were to happen, how long would you survive and why?

I feel like I could survive quite awhile, whether I wanted to or not. I have a lot of built-up anger I could channel if I needed to shovel a zombie off of me.
It wouldn’t bother me to learn to hunt and butcher my own food, and if need be, I can survive quite awhile on gross, canned food, and/or just apples for weeks. I know this from experience, I don’t want to brag or anything.
I have been “look for change on the ground” poor, so I don’t feel like I would fall apart without Starbucks and whatnot.

24.                       What are 3 things you think people usually assume incorrectly, misunderstand or don't "get" about you either in real life, or as a result of your blog?

I’m not sure…..I talk about my laziness and horrible eating/day-drinking habits, but I also do take care of my children and make sure they eat healthy food.
I support breast feeding, but I do NOT want to talk about it, argue about it, or see your boobs. Yeah, yeah, it’s natural, so is pissing and I’m  not posting pictures of that on the internet.  I honestly don’t give a shit what or how you feed your kids, those are YOUR KIDS, and even though I’m a mom and fall under “Mom blogger” I would rather have my eyeballs removed with toothpicks than argue with crazy people about how to raise your kids. Just use your head, and leave everyone else alone about it. The arguing makes me rubber-room crazy. Do what YOU want with YOUR kids. And then SHUT THE HELL UP about it.
I really do shop at Goodwill for our clothing, toys, and housewares. I give zero fucks about the latest fashion, technology, spending money on bullshit. I’m not judging, it just doesn’t make me happy. Paying off credit cards and/or going on vacation make me happier than material things.

25.Last question, at the end of the day…what will have made your life a success?

All the bad things that happen make you stronger, mistakes make you smarter, going through tough times make you appreciate the good times. I’ve made so many mistakes, I should write a blog on “How NOT To.” I mean, if I had time to….

To view the other participants, click these links:


12 comments:

  1. Well, that was very informative, LOL! When I was a kid, everyone got home permanents. We didn't know there was any other kind!

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    1. THAT is exactly how I got started! Rave smelly home perm the summer before 8th grade. It's literally the ONLY way my hair will have any body, hold any kind of curl or wave, and not be stringy straight mop strings. Anything I try to put in my hair falls right out if I don't have it permed, pins, barrettes, ponytail holders, they slide right out. I hate that. If I never discovered the permanent wave, my hair would be super, duper short and I would look like a boy. Even more.

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  2. I LOVE this! Oh, there is so much to love and laugh at. You are hilarious. AND a good writer.

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    1. You are too kind. Please do stick around!

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  3. I heart you, Joy. I really, really do. My friend posted a picture of about 8 kinds of Pinnacle holiday-seasonal-whatever flavored vodkas on Facebook, and that is the only thing that got me excited about the fact that Thanksgiving is less than a week away. True story. I'll be toasting you with my caramel apple vodka. Well, if there's any left by Thanksgiving :)

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    1. That made me smile all over! You're such a hilarious writer, and it means a lot that you would say that! I posted about 6 different recipes for Pumpkin Pie Martini after talking about them (for kind of a long time) with my hairdresser. The idea never dawned on him somehow. As soon as I saw "Pumpkin Pie Martini" I knew I would never have to worry about Thanksgiving recipes again. And my show, The Chew, showed me that if you want to rim the glass with something like graham cracker crumbs, use CORN SYRUP. I know, it's also the recipe for diabeetus, but hey, HOLIDAY. And a 'Murican holiday at that.
      Have a great one!

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    2. I don't really understand flavored vodka. It tastes nothing like the flavor it says its going to taste like! But I am a wimp and I have to drink girly drinks and when people buy drinks for me at the bar (because I hate ordering for myself) they always have to clarify, "It's not for me!"

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    3. hahahaha I have heard a LOT of people say they don't like the taste of alcohol, it's not just you! THIS is why they make sweet drinks like coconut rum, sooo good, and things like grenadine to add! Grenadine is really good, you can add it to vodka to make it sweet and it doesn't sound like you're ordering a Shirley Temple!

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  4. Joy, great read, you are very funny. And cannot believe you have a kid who just started college - you 'read' as a much younger person. Of course, that is all over the place nowadays - I am 43 with an 18 month old - what the hell was I thinking.

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    1. Funny you should say that, I'm almost 41 and I have an 18 yr old, an almost 4 year old and almost TWO year old! So I had an 18 YEAR old and an 18 MONTH old at the same time. Not a great idea, but hey: LIFE! My first marriage sucked, and years and years later, I found someone that could tolerate me enough to have another family with. They keep us YOUNG, right?! hahahaha I always laugh when people say that!

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  5. LOVED IT!!! It was my husband who actually gave me the push to start blogging also...but there was no fancy gift of a domain with that. It was all about the free sites!! ;) You are hilarious and crack me up! I checked out bitches gotta eat, because when you tell me to read something...I read it damn it...and it's hilarious. And BTW...that is one hot selfie you got going on. You could have gone on a full on shopping trip to Walmart just like that. I also have a kid in college due to starting out young on the having babies thing, and it freaks me out most of the time because I feel like it happened way too fast. I feel like we just sat and had coffee and I got to know you in a whole new way. :)

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    1. Oooh, I'm glad to have introduced you to BGE, she is soooo funny and raw. I love her hard.
      I wish we COULD sit and have coffee. I feel like I would have to wear an adult diaper to keep my pants dry, but it would be worth it!

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