ComfyTown Chronicles: May 2013

2013-05-21

WW3: Get on the Bus, Gus

2013-05-20

80's Prom Pictures, Totally Tubular

Prom blog by You're My Favorite Today inspired me to look for my rad 80's prom pictures. They crack me UP.

These are the pictures I talk about in my prom blog post called “Prom-a Drama.” < -- click those words to be brought to that post if you haven’t seen it. It's kind of funny and tells the back story.

We’ll wait.

Okay, now that you know the back story, here are the pics. FYI: I heart the 80's. Mayhap you, like totally had to be there, dude. Try listening to 80's big hair band sensation Poison while you look at these. Here, click the link below, read while this song plays. It'll set the mood.

I found one without any ad. You're welcome.

In my defense, it was the 80’s, I was 16 and 17 in these pictures, and my sisters weren’t living at home to help me and my mom was.......well, a truck driver at one point in her life and she kept that “look” throughout her life.

The quality of the pictures is bad, scanner down, I took a picture of the pictures with my phone. Once again, bask in my hi-tech glory! If there is not already an award for "Worst Blogger Ever" someone may just make it up for me.

This is my Senior Prom. The back of my hair is tied into a scrap of ribbon from a Christmas present, held underneath with a bobby pin. That was a trick my oldest sister taught me and the ONLY trick I knew on fancy hairdo’s.

"This is like, totally gnarly."
"No duh."

Mullet? Yeah, it was like, the 80’s, dude. Totally. Just remember that if these styles make you want to like, gag yourself with like, a spoon. Even my DRESS is a righteous mullet: Business in the front, party in the back! Same as my boyfriend's tux tails.

I think everyone got tux tails then. Do they still? I wouldn't know, my son didn't go to his Junior or Senior prom. Most people opt OUT for tails at weddings these days.

That thing on my right leg, that makes me look like a battered woman? Is a velvet champagne glass with rhinestones in the bubbles, attached to the panty hose. People loved evil panty hose in the 80s, so much they made them in white and blue and red, and people CHOSE to wear them. That's right, even in their own FREE TIME, not just to work and not just as part of an assigned uniform.

I found them at a store that was only open for about a year, they specialized in special occasion hose, you could get WORDS put on them for an extra charge. The dress was from some wedding I don't remember, and is also the same dress in the phone below of my Junior homecoming, and probably in 87 of my family's wedding photos.

This dress came with the shoes! Uh maw GAWD, the shoooeess! In the 80's for weddings, people would always have lace shoes DYED to match the color of dresses and if it was the first (or even the sixth) time you wore those damn things, the ink would bleed onto your panty hose. It would slowly bleed up your panty hosed leg, and your feet would look bruised and battered for weeks.

It was a simpler time, regular everyday people didn't have cell phones or the internet, or talk about condoms openly. Explains a lot, doesn't it? Sorry about that burning sensation when you pee.

This one is my Junior prom, as explained in the prom post, the guy I was dating was down state or at state, or regionals or whatever. This is my Junior year BFF and her brother, with a killer fully-loaded mullet and 80's porn-stach. I'm wearing the dress I wore to be a bridesmaid in my oldest sister's wedding. Bolero jackets were hot.

"This backdrop is radical."
"I'm so sure."
"Psyyyych!"

p.s. I thought the city landscape background picture was SOOO BODACIOUS!

This next one.....Ugh. My Junior Homecoming. Is it just me? This picture gives me the heebs decades later.

"Dude, like bag your gnarly face."
"Eat my shorts!"

I do apologize if this Grody to the Max image haunts your dreams. What is seen can't be unseen. I've learned you can't gouge out you're mind's eye.

The creepy clowns in the background, I mean, what the hell kind of theme was it? Circus? For a high school homecoming. Good job, Dance Committee. Or whoever makes these decisions.

I look like a ghost, and my date looks like a pedophile. I decided at the last minute to go with this....person let's just say, (because I feel like someone on my Facebook page might still be in touch with him in whatever minimum-security prison he currently resides,) to homecoming my junior year. He is the winner that showed up late, with a HICKEY on his neck from someone else. We were not dating, but still. A class act.

I didn't know from makeup in high school. I still don't. I was so skinny, but I probably thought I was chubby or something. Because high school.

Fun Fact: My sister and I saw this guy years later at a bar in our home town and she was IMMEDIATELY creeped out. She made us bring our drinks to the bathroom with us so he didn’t try to put something in them! That is a good practice at bars if you’re not with a group you know, as gross as it may seem to bring your drink into the bathroom it’s better than waking up in a bathtub full of ice or something.

So here they are.

Do you still have your prom pictures? Funny old wedding photos? Awkward Family Photos? Anything funny or interesting to report?? I love 90's, 80's and before that style. I'd love to see yours if you have them!

Email any you have, or think are funny to comfytown@gmail.com

2013-05-14

WW RaNdOm Spring Pictures

2013-05-13

Comparison: 1st Anniversary to 5th Anniversary

Friday was our 5^th wedding anniversary. We didn’t do much, because let’s face it when you have 3 kids including two toddlers and a teenager, every day is just one big, romantic celebration. In case fonts don't translate on your media reader, that was big fat, hairy Sarcasm. With serifs.

Our Vegas wedding was a total blast but as I’ve said before, I am always more excited about the anniversary of our first date in October. The 18^th…ish. Neither of us can remember the exact date. This must be why couples make the biggest deal out of their WEDDING DAY anniversary, that's the only date anyone can remember because you have to fill out actual paperwork, send out invitations and schedule things.

Anyway, years of marriage and two children later, here is a quick comparison of our 1^st anniversary vs. our 5^th

1^st Anniversary Celebration: We threw a Vegas-themed party with cards, borrowed a felt-covered covered black jack table and I actually bought card-themed decorations. I found Bellini in a bottle, similar (kind of) to the Bellini drinks they make at the Bellagio in Las Vegas. For dinner I made crab legs, which he loves but hates de-shelling, so I made them early and removed the meat from the shell so he came home to pile of fresh crab meat already taken out of the shell.

5^th Anniversary Celebration: I tried all day to get to the grocery store to get food for a nice dinner, but wound up on the phone talking to everyone at my teenager’s school about what his consequences were for blowing off school AGAIN. (He has a possibly terminal case of Senior-it is.) I was still unloading groceries when the Husband pulled in after work. D'oh!

1^st Anniversary Libations: We had a champagne toast and talked about our wedding trip to Vegas, and our favorite parts of our trip and our wedding day.

5^th Anniversary Libations: I just barely remembered to get rum and pineapple juice to make the Count Mai Tai's at home, which we chugged over the screams of 2 crabby, hungry kids who were sick of grocery shopping.

1^st Anniversary Preparation: I made sure my hair was freshly dyed and cut, wore a nice shiny Vegasy shirt for the party and busted out the expensive from-the-mall makeup I purchased a year before for the wedding.

5^th Anniversary Preparation: My last container of pressed powder fell into the toilet a couple weeks ago when the 3 yr old tried to get her own toothbrush out of the cabinet. I captured to share with Facebook, the world should be inspired by our grace and beauty in ComfyTown.

Life metaphor?

I did take a bath with that kid that day, so at least I didn’t stink. I grabbed a clean shirt (pretty sure) and clean underwear. I think I shaved this week, but really it doesn’t matter.

Overheard at dinner 1^st Anniversary:

“Remember how we always used to say ‘EVERY day is a honeymoon when you’re married to your best friend?!’”

“Tee hee” *Dramatic winking*

“Barf” “Yeah, barf” *Smiling and smooching*

Overheard at dinner 5^th Anniversary:

"I want noga bar!” --Lola, age 3

“Aaaahhh!” --The baby

“Look, the kids are starving, this needs to get done so either take over the cooking or get the frick out of here. Too many cooks in this kitchen!” --Me

“AAAHH!” --The baby

"I can't like this!" --Lola

“Who cares if she won’t try it? We’re better off if the kids DON’T like crab meat. More for us!” --Count Comfula

“I made TWO poo poo’s today, Daddy!” --Lola

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” --The baby

Couple Stuff at 1^st Anniversary:

Probably not, we had been trying to get pregnant for a year and at that point, couple stuff becomes more about Science than Romance. Calendars, alarms, thermometers, ovulation predictors, beakers and Bunson burners and whatnot.

Couple Stuff at 5^th Anniversary:

The only action the Hubs wanted is for me to make a big pot of coffee in the afternoon, to stay awake after the kids went to bed, to play Game of Thrones card game. I couldn't stay awake through one whole round. ZzZzZzZzzzzzzzz

We're not getting older, we're getting COMFIER.

Here is us at our 20th Anniversary:

Except we already are too old.

2013-05-09

Issues: We All Have Them

First, I would just like to lay down a quick disclaimer and say that the “issue” here is not life-threatening, day stopping, cry-for-help issues. I use the word “issue” lightly, just as I use ALL THE WORDS lightly. My husband and I have little everyday issues that we have learned to accept, laugh about and work around.

I feel like all humans have an “issue” with something, big or small. If issues stop you from living your life, get help. Some are hilarious, some are frustrating to those closest to us, and some are just silly. I have many, from food issues, kid issues, and several clothing issues, but unlike most things here this is not about me.

One that entertains me is my husband’s issue with Work Clothes. Not a game stopper, deal breaker, or debilitating texture manipulation issue, just an issue with appearance and fit of his work clothes. I can totally relate to clothing issues. When I think about all my various clothing issues…the first thing that comes to mind is my favorite psychopathic robot, Roberto from Futurama, with his “Ever kill a man with a sock?” (I'll link the video at the end so you can watch it, it's fuuuuuuuny.)

The other day he told me “I’m out of work clothes.” I know what he meant, but I looked at the closet, and well, I would just like to share this picture of our closet with you. All but the 2 pink shirts on the right are HIS clothes.

Almost aaallllllll HUSBAND threads

See what I’m getting at? This is not the guest room closet, which is the graveyard closet that houses the ghosts of clothing that fit in the past, this is our BEDROOM closet. Where he typically hangs his everyday clothing.

He obviously meant he did not have the work clothes he preferred clean and available. Right off the bat, I recognized some of his quags. After 9 years together, I’m starting to understand his clothing issues, but I’m not all the way there yet.

The collared polo-type shirts are not work shirts in his mind, too casual. Yes even for Friday. On casual Friday he wears the same thing, khakis and a button-up shirt. It’s rare he wears any short-sleeved shirt to work for a number of reasons you probably don’t want to hear about. Meaning they’re not funny.

A couple of the shirts he considers “dress shirts” for special occasions, which means either the style, or more likely the FABRIC is shiny. I don’t even mean pimp, Vegas nightclub shiny,

from endawanda.com

I’m talking about 1% polyester.

You wouldn’t even know it was there, but that means DRESS shirt to him. A lot of his issues? Are about fabric.

I almost have his work shirt necessity list down.

This is what I know for certain:

The slightest bit shiny and it's a dress shirt.

They must be mostly cotton, NOT linen. Too wrinkly.

They must be THICK fabric, we don’t know from thread count but NO nip slips. Or anything like this:

from lurvely.com

They must be long-sleeved. With rare exception.

NO WHITE or light-colored BUTTONS. This is his “wire hangers.”

Pattern is better than plain, but not a busy or loud pattern.

They can’t be too dark, or too light. In fact, let’s talk about color.

A special section for COLORS:

Green is great! Especially lighter greens, but not light seafoam green.

from sodahead.com

Dark purple is good, depending on the pattern.

Not plain dark purple. Ever.

Blue is questionable.

Navy is good but not solid navy.

from zazzle.com

Light blue must have a good pattern.

Regular red is a NO. In all cases.

Maroon is okay, usually.

Yellow is a no, unless the pattern overwhelms the yellow.

Orange is a no, unless it has a visible Bears logo.

Brown depends on the shade and pattern.

Light gray is a no, dark gray can’t be too dark and again, flecked or a good pattern. Plain dark gray is just black's shadow.

Most black is right OUT, unless there is a busy pattern.

White is only for tampon commercials* and old timey milkmen.

These are not rules we have ever spoken about, these are rules I have learned the hard way. Meaning, I purchased what I thought was a perfectly acceptable shirt for him, only to be rejected for one of these reasons. Or another reason I can’t remember right now. After all this time, I still only run at about a 70% success ratio. Gift receipts, I keep track of them.

This past Christmas, I bought him what I KNOW for a fact would have been an awesome-looking shirt on him. I was leery, it had light blue AND regular RED in the plaid pattern, both no-no’s, but it also had a lot of green. He looks great in light blue, but he has a very special kind of love for light blue, mostly it's called hate, and this is a man who knows all too well that hate is the path to the dark side. It’s a dirty shame, with his brown hair it really looks good on him. He is not a fan, he really has some kind of light blue chip on his shoulder.

My theory? It has something to do with his green eyes. He is kind of sensitive about his eyes. I don’t want to get into it, but basically he has green eyes and he loves green, and he kind of HATES blue, and blue things, and all that blue represents. I have never met anyone with such distaste for one of the primary colors.

I mean yellow? It’s bright, maybe it reminds you of Hi-Liters or urine.

Red? Rage. Fresh pimples. Okay, I get that. It can be an eye punch of a color.

Blue? What the fudge could BLUE have ever done to you? Relaxed you too much? Reminded you of the sky. FUCK YOU SKY. It’s just silly.

Anyway, I have blue eyes and I love blue. Maybe it’s perception, maybe it’s eyeball racism, I’m not sure. But he? Doesn’t wanna talk about it I guess.

Besides the texture and color and having long sleeves and NOT white or light-colored buttons, the THICK fabric also cannot be itchy. Duh, I know, but he has dry, itchy skin as it is so that comes with a heavy dose of irrational fear of itchy fabric.

We were 90’s kids and Nirvana fans, total flannelcore, and he will not even wear any kind of flannel shirt anymore, which really blew part of brain away when I donated the last couple flannel shirts. We are talking about the man I named Count Comfula almost a decade ago, he should be decked in head to toe flannel 24/7, right?

He said he would still wear flannel if he “finds one he likes” but cannot tell me what that means. I am no flannoisseur, so after a few I just gave up on that. You would think life in ComfyTown would either be draped in velvet or total flannage. We still listen to Nirvana and this dude? Is sick with the comfy, and has a goatee. He is flanntastic, but I think he is afraid they will be itchy. His cheap wife bought some sketchy flannel bed sheets that SUCKED and itched like a meth-head.

The Count's Shirts: A Wrap-Up

Other than long sleeves, thick fabric, no white buttons, good patterns, no forbidden colors, he says anything goes.

______________________________

Happy 5^th Wedding Anniversary to my Count, you big, beautiful weirdo! This blog post? Is your anniversary present. DFILY.

p.s. We were married in Vegas 5/10/08 but that is just the day the paperwork made it legal to the government, and really who cares about those jackholes? Anyone who can’t legally be married yet, a piece of paper doesn’t define your love, you do it yourself EVERY DAY.

I prefer to celebrate November when he asked me to share the rest of my life with him or October, when we first started dating. This October will be NINE YEARS together. Neither of us remembers the exact date because we didn’t write it in our Holly Hobby diaries, and that was before we had Facebook accounts so we can’t just look it up, but we think it was October 18^th. Ish.

Since I’m too lazy to soak this word stew in my usual marinade of funny, I give you definitions of Clothes from UrbanDictionary.com because I might be lazy, but I am grateful when people stop by to read my brain vomit.

1.	clothes
	Pieces of fabric shaped and stitched so that they may be worn on the body. Are increasingly becoming a symbol of social status. Many people are being classified based on what kind of clothes they wear. You've probably done it, too.
2.	clothes
	The most effective form of contraception. Gavin dry-humped Roberta on the bus. Since they both wore clothes, copulation was avoided.
3.	Clothes
	The most useless invention in the history of mankind, in fact we'd all benefit from not wearing clothes. Man: Yo man clothes are useless! Woman: I already took mine off!