2015-08-31

My Husband's Ashley Madison Profile

So unless you're living under a rock (and if so, do you want a roommate?) you've heard there exists in our world a web site wherein married people can search for other married people with which to break their wedding vows. Freedom isn't free, Murica.

That's right, I'm joking about a "very serious topic" and before you send me hate messages about how this is not funny, just know this:
YES IT IS. 

Everything terrible can be laughed at. SHOULD be laughed at. That's how we get through this. You laugh, you thank your Lucky Charms whatever the terrible thing that's currently happening in our terrible world isn't happening to you, and you move on. And if you're smart, you have some Lucky Charms. They're magically delicious.

And also? There is something else terrible waiting tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. And we have to move on however we can move on. And I move on? By laughing at things. If you don't like that, you're in the wrong place.

So when we learned about this, and just HOW MANY MILLIONS OF PEOPLE are on this site, we were....not at all surprised because my theory of humans remains unchanged:
People are the worst.


It was difficult not to be at least a little tickled at the idea that hackers broke in to their database and threatened to release the names. Yes, it's a travesty to all of us to have privacy breached, but also EFF A CHEATER. NawI'msayin?

Then I heard you could actually SEARCH the list to find names. My husband and I used to work together so we immediately thought of people we both knew that were probably on there. The people that are still alive, obvs. Anyone who used to work with us immediately knows who I'm talking about. A dirty cheater. Who died.

Notice how I'm not adding RIP or any other thing people do to suddenly respect a sh|tty person as soon as they're dead. Because: NOPE. I'm not doing that. I'll see him in Hell, and thank him again for recommending me to go to Florida for training and telling me to rent a car and have a good time. I did have a great time. I often had a great time and if I go to Hell for it, it was worth it.

Anyway, I heard on my phone you could search for names or emails and being the old-beyond-my-years person I am, I hate searching for things on my phone. I never did make it to my laptop to search because I'm lazy. Really lazy. 

Way too lazy to search for people I don't really care about. Way too lazy to have an affair. I mean, I would never betray my family like that. If I am not happy in my life? I will let you know, sir. But also, I imagine infidelity to be exhausting.

It's got to involve grueling, tiresome things like remembering lies, and also shaving my legs and whatnot. I'm not doing that any more than I have to. I've said on social media, WHO are these people that have the energy to lead double lives? I can barely handle my one relationship. 

I'm way too cheap and lazy to even set up a profile online to have sex. It seems weird to me. Maybe those people haven't heard of bars? I don't know, man. When I was single a friend of mine wanted me to fill out the leeeengthy questionnaire for e-Harmony. Have you heard about that? I literally answered less questions to get a loan for my condo. Not kidding.

She told me, 
"They need a lot of information to match you with your soul mate."

Aw sweetie. I don't know crap about romance you'll be shocked to hear, but if soul mates were real? My soul mate would never sit here and fill out all of these questions. Not in a million years.

I got pissed off a few weeks ago when I went to order PIZZA at a new place, and to place your order online you had to set up a profile. OH NO. I just called them. This is supposed to be an easy to get food. Take my money: The End.

I also couldn't do this online profile monkey business because I have a problem with my....what do you call that thing? Where you store the stuff? Oh yeah, BRAIN. 


This would mean remembering ANOTHER login and password

Nope. 

Know how I remember mine? 
Right before I get locked out I call my husband. 

That convo would be pretty awkward I'm guessing.

But I couldn't help but laugh at what my profile would look like.

"I like stuff. Do you?
Don't answer that. 
NO talking. Ever.
Hope you're not allergic to awesome."

Then there would be a million blank spaces/questions and probably some kind of notice that I'm behind on payment.

And I thought about what my husband's profile would look like. 

Now maybe you have to had met him, but really just know that he is the Stanley to my Helen Roper in the relationship. The very idea of him expelling energy to have to expel more energy is beyond funny.

I know he had done online dating before we met, and how I know that is well, that's a long story for another time. But I picture his profile to be a ton of lies about things he thinks he likes, because he thinks he's SUPPOSED to like them, but doesn't actually ever do. Like golf. He drove around with what may as well have been a toy set of golf clubs in his car for over a decade before I finally put them in the garage when I had to take his car to the grocery. No idea if they're still in the garage or still exist in this world or any other.

He had to fill out some personal things for a poster to hang in his cubicle at work and it may as well read:
"I'm a lying liar sitting on a throne of lies."
giphy.com
This poster is full of things he actually hates in real life. 

He says his perfect day would be:
Sleeping in (ok, that's legit)
Golf (hasn't gone in decades)
BBQ (I have to FORCE him to grill anything)
Bonfire (he HATES this, and all things outside espesh if he has to DO anything) 

So if he had to fill out a profile, he would probably just look for another person to play video games with. Not even in person, he used to play his friends online. 

He would add a ton of Sportsing to his profile, a lot of Star Wars pics and if there were any truth to it:

"No funny business tonight, playing video games."

And that might have been more funny if I had taken the 5 minutes to copy an online profile and fill it in, but I'm not doing that either. 

How about you.

What would YOUR profile look like?
Your spouse or significant other?




2015-08-17

Aw-festi-FUL

It's summer, and I'm all for a festival. Nothing beats drinking from a paper cup in the street, am I right? But not all festivals are for all people. I need to be better about looking for signs.
Before you send me a message about this picture, READ this post.
Or at least the blog DESCRIPTION, re: SATIRE.
Google Satire, research it, and if you can't wrap your head around it:
UNFOLLOW and do NOT read this blog. Thanks, have a nice day.
from dailymail.co.uk
Some have great music, some have the mayor's cousins's garage band that does a fair Steve Miller band cover. We stumbled upon a high school band that really played their hearts out. However, they can't all be gems. Yesterday's trip to VeggieFest, or as my husband calls it's "Yucky-Fest," got me thinking we should probably do some research before we just go.

I wasn't expecting much. The vague description of 'vegetable talks and demos, music, family activities' told me we wouldn't be eating Shark On A Stick watching an aging, though respectable, David Lee Roth perform slowly like at Naperville's famous Rib Fest. 
Just to get IN to the fest from survivorsucks.com
I also thought maybe we wouldn't have to wait in long lines for everything like Rib Fest. George Wrongington. 

Admission was free, and there were a lot of crafts for kids, run by cranky vegans that really needed a good....serving of meat. They had a brilliant little open play place with toys for toddlers. I thought, "Wow, why don't more festivals have that?" Well, here's why. Because: People.

During the half an hour we endured this Tot Tent, we saw TWO different unattended toddlers. One who kept taking all of the toys right out of other kids' hands until I literally had to go pick him up and explain sharing. I don't think he spoke English and he didn't pay attention anyway. Good lesson for my kids. We watch children in our home, so they're used to having to explain sharing, and defend themselves. 

The 5 yr old's signature move is whining "He took my toy!" and breaking down in a pool of tears. The 3 yr old on the other hand is a baller. She yells something like "HEY!" and gets her toy right back. Usually making older and larger children cry. We're working on tact, but we don't worry about her survival skills in the cold, cruel world. 

So needless to say, we left that scene. There were 5 other adults in the tent when we left, so we didn't feel guilty about leaving the already unattended toddlers, still unattended. 2 moms were trying to figure out where the wandering 2-yr old girl came from. I pointed out a "Family Meditation Tent" and said maybe the parents were in DEEP meditation? *puff, puff, pass* might make the food better?

We walked past a long line for face painting, which is Lola's jam, but waiting in line? Not so much. We walked past several tents marked for speeches. Speeches about vegetables? Sounds corny. There were tents of organic products, and castille soap which I already use and my husband thought he was funny running over to look for a list of actual uses (you can make EVERY KIND of cleaner w/castille soap b-the-w.)


from thepoke.co.uk
Other than that, there was a long line for food tickets, huge sign read "NON-REFUNDABLE" and some food tents with long lines. It was over 90 degrees and we were surrounded by people who eat nothing but vegetables and wear natural deodorant, so without brutal detail we jogged to the air conditioned car. 

We went swimming at my sister's house, and that's the BEST SUMMER FESTIVAL I've ever found so far. 

Have you been to any good, or really bad, festivals lately?

Check this one out below, called The Boring Festival.

The chap from the Süddeutsche Zeitung was awfully polite as he quizzed Hamish Thompson, one of the organisers of the annual Boring conference, which took place in London on Sunday. 


He gestured to the Boring buffet: 
bowls of undressed iceberg lettuce, 
cucumber chunks on sticks, 
piles of white sliced bread, dry crackers and 
label-free bottles filled with tap water.
It was undoubtedly a Very Boring spread. 
Yet the conference was sufficiently interesting to attract not just the classier end of the German press but also 500 free-willed people who paid up to £20 each to spend a Sunday listening to a series of lectures on superficially tedious things: the relative heights of celebrities; letterboxes; and the features of a keyboard. Kathy Clugston, a Radio 4 announcer, discussed the shipping forecast.

2015-08-10

The Strangle Is Real

Quick post to say "Hello my friends on the internet. I miss you so," and let you know why I've been neglecting you.

It's not you, it's me.

Summer, watching extra kids, taking on extra computer work, dragging my 3 yr old kicking and screaming to the potty 20 times a day, and trying to re-introduce my body to exercise (barf!) have kept me "busier than a puppy with two peters." I feel tempted to include a picture, but also afraid to Google that.

Don't worry, I'm not going all Maria Kang on you. I'd rather resolve to wearing nothing but judges robes and graduation gowns every day for the rest of my life.

It's just that my clothes are at their very limit. They still fit. Much in the way Bruce Banner's clothes still fit The Hulk. They're on, technically. Mostly.
"I WISH I were this tan, though!" from comicvine.com
They're making me quite uncomfortable. And they're mostly stretchy-type clothes so that's really saying something.

I hate shopping for clothing, and the paying for it part is making that not a realistic option. If I go one size bigger than I wear I'll have to have my clothes special ordered. The neckholes will be so large everything will just fall right off. 

My gym shoes feel like they have my feet in a headlock after about an hour. If I opt for the next half size up, they're too big for someone already very clumsy. So I tough it out. By afternoon I'm dying to take them off and throw them out the window. This must be why you see shoes abandoned on the side of the road. The Foot Strangle Is Real y'all.
There are entire Pinterest boards
dedicated to abandoned shoes.
I am thisclose to just wearing crocs every day, but since I'm not a famous charasmatic TV chef I doubt I could pull that off.
Whatever, I love this guy.
from gawker.com
I started participating in something called The Gravity Challenge. It made me cringe at first, you have to weigh yourself and send the picture of the numbers to your friends. Who PUBLISH that picture on the internet.
from pragmaticobotsunite.com
I thought I didn't care about the numbers, but just SEEING them for the first time in 2 kids and then thinking about OTHER PEOPLE seeing them freaked me out a little bit. The image of that number haunted my brain all through the day for a good 3 days. It made me not want to eat anything. How did it get so bad so quickly? So yeah, time to start at least thinking about thinking about it.

I started by just making better decisions, a little less sugar, a lot more water. I throw down a salad now and then. I do, however, remain firmly against kale

I am at least a Colonel in the War Against Kale. I can't find that meme I made that says "Kale tastes like f*cking spiders" but know that it still does. 

I said years ago, before Jim Gaffigan put it in his stand-up routine, that if kale is the only way to avoid cancer? I'll take the chemo. Every time. 

Kale is grown by heartless people in haunted caves and that place where Voldemort hid the necklace horcrux, and I do not need that level of evil inside my body right now. I would definitely go all Ron Weasley and start saying terrible things to people about their dead parents and whatnot. I'll pass.
This is me when I tried kale. I'll stick with lettuce and spinach. With fattening salad dressing because let's face it, I'm not going for a shiny magazine shoot anytime soon.

More water, kaleless salads and a few less carbs were enough to knock a couple pounds off just by itself. I know that can't remain enough, so I'm trying to fit in a workout or two every week. On top of our casual family walks and that kind of thing. 

I know I have to start slowly or I'll abandon ship pretty quickly. I once got a free week with a personal trainer. The dic--dude I mean, told me he would start me 'slow' and I could barely walk the next day. Yeah, that was the end of that week. And ever even talking to a personal trainer again. Buh-bye.

I've lost a lot of weight a few times in my life and I know for me I have to limit calories and exercise. That's the only way weight ever comes off. The slower it comes off, the longer it seems to stay off. I've started posts about this but never finished.

I can't diet food away. Well, I can with the help of pills that are either illegal now, or should be. As soon as I stop taking the diet pills? (Which b-the-w almost rendered me completely insane, yes even worse,) the weight comes back and brings friends. Not worth it. 

Don't believe the "miracle pill" hype. It's a system designed to create yo-yo dieting lifestyle. You take the pills and if they work? You lose weight. You stop the pills, you gain weight back. So guess what you need again? The pills. That's how they make money. 

Realistically you can't take any pill forever. Your body gets used to any pill you take, then you need more and more to have the same effect. At that time the side effects will cause major damage somewhere. Besides that, the ones that actually work usually mess with your sleep. Bad things happen when you don't get restful sleep. Trust me, having a job, and people who talk to you, is more important than fitting in those skinny jeans.

Soooo, I sadly will start trying to fit more exercise into my life. The only possible time I can realistically fit that in is the morning, which used to be the time I used for blogging. D'oh. Hopefully I'll work out a balance at some point. You probably don't want to read the angry things I would say after exercising anyway. 

You know how people say they hate words like "panties" or "moist?" Here are my most hated words:
Lunge
Squat
Plank (ESPECIALLY THIS ONE!)
Kale

Anyone have any suggestions? What has and hasn't worked for someone who hates exercise and refuses to "diet?"


2015-07-20

The 4 Quick Things You Need To Do If You're Not A Feminist

It's no secret I'm not a fan of writing about topics that aren't ridiculous, but sometimes someone has to.

Feminism is one of those things that I tend not to think about. I live it, I have just never had to chose it consciously. I was raised in a matriarchal family of strong, smart women. We actually need to pay special attention to our boys. Like the Polish Kardashians, but without all the plastic surgery and money. 

Anyway, It's not something anyone in our family has to think about. That is, until I see an injustice or see someone who needs some information. The "someone" is a lot of people, actually.

It seems there are people, even young and smart women, who feel like feminism is synonymous with hating men. 

First thing you should know: It is NOT.

Feminism doesn't mean anything negative about men at all. I'm a feminist and I chose to be married. Twice. I chose to take my husband's last name, to stay home with my children, putting my career aside to be the homemaker, diaper changer, CEO of Toilet Cleaning. That was a choice we made together, my husband and I.

Most of the time when someone talks about feminism, or being a feminist, really all that means is they believe, as do I, that women and men should have the same rights and opportunities.

This is from MiriamWebster.com


from miriamwebster.com
In case this is too small on your phone, it reads:
"Feminism
   noun
: the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities."

That's really all it is. 

Equal rights. Equal opportunities. Period.

Yes, we're also fighting for equal pay for EQUAL work, and it's hard to even figure out what that means sometimes. We know men and women are different, so you don't have to come at us with tired old examples like,
"Oh, so men should be surrogate mothers and wet nurses?" 
*eye roll*

No one is suggesting a woman run for Chief Output Officer at the Sperm Factory. We're just saying that in general if a woman has the same education and experience as a man, they should be on the same pay scale. That's it.

They should be able to apply for, and hold, the same positions.

Yes, there are a lot of factors that tip the scales, different college majors, maternity leave, etc. WE KNOW. Most feminists just really want a more equal opportunity.

Part of the solution would be for women to ask for, and demand when necessary (it's almost always necessary) to be paid what we are worth.

I've had to fight, I've had to demand. I've left jobs that told me "You're already at the top of the pay scale." Then when I found another job and gave my notice, hey all of a sudden it turns out they CAN actually give me a raise if I'm actually going to leave. Well, whattayaknow? I never studied finance, but is that a supply and demand thing? Not sure.

I don't want to bring up crazy quotes from celebrities who really just don't understand what words mean. It might not be the best idea to look to television actresses as an example to live our lives. I'm actually trying to help here. A little information goes a long way.

Don't hate the idea of feminism. Especially if you're a woman. Why root against yourself? Feminism is about choices. If you chose to get married or not, or have children or not, or change your last name or not, or have a career or NOT, it should be YOUR CHOICE. Period. 


That's it. 

Just let us have the same choices.

We're fighting for what men just automatically get. You don't have to choose that, but why shouldn't it be available? Even if you don't believe in equality in general, maybe just don't stand in the way?

My point is this:
If you don't think men and women should have equal opportunities and rights, that's your business. Here are 4 things you need to do RIGHT AWAY though:

1. Close your computer. (After you read the rest of this.)

2. Cancel your internet provider.

3. Sell or donate all of your electronics. Especially the ones that help you communicate with people.


4. Churn butter for the rest of your life. 


It's obviously the 1800's in your head, and hey awesome, it's your America too. But please do make yourself useful. Butter is delicious.




Yes this is a celebrity, but it makes sense.
from feminspire.com

2015-06-26

LOVE Is Legal and I Forgot Everything Else I Was Going To Say

I had planned to write something this weekend, so many ideas swirled around like fallen twigs clogging the sewer drains all over the Midwest causing all the flooding. What to write about that anyone else would care about, but my funnel of thought was BLOWN AWAY by SCOTUS' decision to lift every ban on same sex marriage across the United States. 

Way to go, USA! Finally a step in the right direction, however long overdue.

My social media feeds were more filled with rainbows than this weekend's Pride Parade. I really needed to see that, too, because Thursday we went to Brookfield Zoo's first ever Pride Day and got there late so we didn't get our rainbow fix. We saw one rainbow flag in the whole place. No signage. Nothing on their social media channels. Hmmmmmm. 

Anyway huge step for Team Human. And don't tell anyone but I cried a little. Well, YOU read this and try not to cry. 

And if that doesn't make you cry, don't tell me because that means you're dead inside. And my particular hollow insides are always attracted to those kinds of people, so let's just HIGH-FIVE finally having one damn good reason to be proud of our country.

I hate that it took this long, but I am also thankful it's done. Let's move on to the next thing. 

Like taking down the confederate flag everywhere that isn't a museum or a sad footnote in history books. Don't come at me with Southern nostalgia. We all know the creator of this flag wanted it to be the symbol of white supremacy and segregation. We all know that past and current hate groups literally use it as a symbol of hate. Racism and hate trump your nostalgia. Done. Next issue.

Oh I love when things zip along.

I'm thankful with each year of my life, along with losing muscle mass I gain the wisdom to make decisions more easily and move on. I'll take that trade. Especially since there isn't much I can do about it. Except exercise, but let's focus on GOOD things we're thankful for right now.

We're getting End of Times rain and flooding in the Midwest right now, so the Silver Linings there are:
It's not snow. 
We're not in a drought. 
We finished our basement repairs just in time. Not one drop of water got in! 
Well, except for a little condensation from leaving the windows open. Did I mention we can OPEN the windows now?! Huzzah!

So many good thankfuls I need to focus on right now. I thought we were going to be good work-wise for the summer, but decided the new family wasn't a good fit for us. It bummed me out for awhile, but it's done. It was the right decision. I need to focus on the positives and forget the rest. 

I don't want to be negative, so I'll just say I like to keep my group small so we can do a lot of things: From walks, parks, games, arts and crafts, books, all kinds of things. This isn't just a business, this is my family. I like them busy, learning, having fun, getting TIRED. Certain people/situations make those things difficult. I can handle almost any kind of kid, but there are certain kinds of parents I just can't work with. 

Kids need a little guidance, structure, to know what their boundaries are. They NEED boundaries. They will always have them, different everywhere they go, there is nothing wrong with that. Parents have to be strong, have to be in charge and make the rules. Otherwise it won't take long before kids walk all over you. Then when they get to school it takes them longer to get with the program. 

They can't learn if all the time is spent getting them to catch up with the others in terms of sitting in one place, following very simple rules, eating real food in a calm manner. If you don't even want to try that? I can't fix it in a couple hours 3 days a week. Neither can teachers. You HAVE to start, however small. If you're not even willing to try? Have a nice day, somewhere else. I don't have the patience for that. Nor should I have to. 

My kids will only be this age once. A couple dollars isn't worth making them wait around for other kids to get with the program. Parenting is hard enough. Keep your village tight with the right kinds of people. Like my sister says, get rid of the weeds before they poison the whole garden. I'm thankful for her guidance in this way, and that my husband is understanding. I'm sure he'll be bummed at the paychecks this costs us, but seeing his kids active and happy is worth it. 

I'm forever thankful I have these options. That I live in a place where we won't go hungry, however tight the budget gets. I'm also thankful I was able to get some side work from a friend of mine to get us through the summer. Work at home has unique challenges. I'm glad I can do it and be home with my kids, no matter the ups, downs and WTF's! Soon enough they'll be teenagers and off with their friends and doing their own things and I'll be forever grateful for this time.

That has to be more than 10! I have to bring my son his phone he left in my car and go enjoy our time to be together and go things before my house gets filled with kids and reasons why we can't. 
Sorry if takes me awhile to hop around and answer comments lately. SUMMER!


2015-06-22

Pleasant Leibster from A Pleasant House

And now for something completely different....
Smells like CHLOROFORM 
No, not like that. More like this.
I'm still unpopular and unread gracious and humble enough to be over the moon when someone nominates me for ... well, for anything. I'm a lot like my 3 yr old, even negative attention is better than being ignored. But this isn't negative at all. The lovely writer of A Pleasant House blog (that's a link, and it's as lovely as it sounds) was kind enough to acknowledge my existence. I know, I was pretty hard to deal with when it happened. And since my last line of posts came to a weird halt, this seems like a good time to start fresh.

This works as follows:
The nominator asks questions and tags bloggers to answer, the nominatee answers the questions and tags other bloggers, and they tell 2 friends and they tell 2 friends and we all wash our hair in a grid like the beginning of the Brady Bunch. 
It was called Faberge shampoo.
I had this hairstyle, we all did.
Wait, no, that's a shampoo commercial.

Anyway, here are the questions.

1) How did you decide on the name of your blog?

That was the easiest part. My husband's house that he lived in was one of those old, really comfy houses where you could do anything and it was okay. Like he full-on SMOKED inside the house. And you could tell he and other people had for years. You had to see the house where I grew up, but that made me feel right at home. Immediately. We had a pretty messy mashed potato fight one night and left it all there for like 3 days. But since I moved a lot for years before we met, and it was so comfy and filled with memories, it almost immediately felt like home to me. Just driving there I started to feel more calm, happier. It had good juju. 
We strive to continue that everywhere we live. Nowhere has matched the original Comfytown in terms of comfy-ness, but we try to make it a state of mind. You could drop spagetti or spill wine here, and it would be totally okay. S'aul Good, man.

2) Where does your inspiration come from?

Day to day living, past memories, and years of being raised by television. I come from a big family of weirdos, so there are just so many funny stories. I wanted a place to get them down, and to share them. And to have a sense of community. Being home w/small children is where I wanted to be, but it's also very lonely. These kids do not get me. It's like Monty Python jokes go right over their heads.

3) What is it you most love about blogging?

The community. The comments are always more funny than what I've written and a lot of times whole extra conversation comes about in the comments.

4) What is your favorite food?

Tacos. Forever.
Though lately in my middle age I've broadened my horizons to include:
Chip tacos (or do you call them nachos?)
Taco Salad

5) What is your favorite drink?

Beer.
But if I'm driving:
Juice w/water added because I'm weird.

6) What item can’t you live without?

My van.
Yes, really trying not to be a suburban cliche I have a minivan, but it fits my kids and extra kids and extra stuff I find at Goodwill, furniture people give me, stuff I drive by at garage sales, stuff people throw in the garbage, or leave momentarily unattended...etc. I'm very che----FRUGAL.

7) If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

I love London and the surrounding area. Not sure if I could be that far away from our families though.
I love living near Chicago, the city, the people, so many parks and things to do. Even though the weather proves if there is a deity? He/she hates this area.
We say when we get older we'll move somewhere warmer.

8) If you could meet anyone from History (past or present) who would it be?

Frank Zappa. That guy is hilarious.
.
9) What is your favorite outdoor activity?
Floating in the lake behind my sister's lake house in Michigan. In a big tube. With a beer.
Bonfires. With beer.
Hiking, slow and easy terrain where I can bring a Capri-Sun bag spiked. Especially if we're stopping to have a picnic lunch.
Yeah, I'm all about outdoor drinking obvy.

10) Where do you see yourself in five years?

The thing is, I don't know.
Probably still living here in these boring but safe suburbs. My kids will be in school full time so I'll have more options of where I'll be job-wise. I'll have to be somewhere with a paycheck, but again I'll have more options.
Blogging? I'm not sure. There are parts I love about it, and so many parts I hate about it.
I hate having to constantly promote myself to get anyone's eyes over here, it's exhausting. I hate click-baitey writing and things like:
1. Numbered Lists in blog titles, "12 Reasons Why You Will Die Horribly If You Don't Read This, click here"
2. Open Letters to __________ people I don't care about.
3. 13,000 people's exact same thoughts on the SAME subject matter
4. Bucket Lists
BARF! If you like that kind of thing, awesome. I can't swing that way.

I think there is another part to this, I have to go back and get the rules. But in the meantime, you get the jist.

Ta da!!!


2015-06-15

Summer of Discontent. Ish.

I haven't posted in awhile and you're welcome. I probably should have changed the day I had designated for posting. Monday is usually the day I can wake up early, feeling refreshed and sit to write. For 10 weeks, thanks to the rapey weirdos at HBO, I would wake up each Monday tired and confused.

WTF HBO?

In case you don't know what I'm talkin bout Willis, Game of Thrones is on Sunday nights. For 10 weeks anyway. p.s. when did 10 hours become a SEASON? 
I guess when each episode takes $197 million dollars to film.

Don't worry anyone who hasn't watched, only vague spoilers laid down here.

George RR Martin promises on his blog, Not A Blog, that the show and the books will end up at the same place in the end. Why he keeps getting interviewed everywhere instead of FINISHING WRITING THE NEXT BOOK? Is beyond me.
"Shireen did not leave the cockadoodee castle!"

However.

What/how they the shows get to the end? Is apparently left up to a group of people including Bill Cosby and the creepy guy who sang Blurred Lines, the national anthem of rapists.
Don't get me wrong, I know the books are hella violent. I know that medieval marriage was quite different from today. I know that GRRM has a unique way of writing that rivals Waterboarding for inhumane torture. It just really seems like the writers at HBO only know ONE TRICK for getting us to hate a character.

Someone up in there REALLY needs some counseling.

Let's take one example. Ramsay Bolton. There are so many other ways to get the audience to hate Ramsay. Their HOUSE SIGIL is a person about to be flayed, in which they have their skin cut off while still alive.

Ramsay is a special brand of family insane. He likes to physically hunt people before flaying them. But that's not enough for HBO writers. Nope. What could we do to really drive home how awful he is? He needs to rape someone. WHAT THE HELL?

There is one scene in the 9th episode. I do not understand in any way. I hate to spoil it for people who have say, read the books but haven't watched the show. I'll be very vague.

There is one guy who calls himself "The One True King." And, by law, and thanks to his murder of a sibling that would inherit the throne, he actually IS supposed to be the king. Except they don't have Jerry Springer to throw down a DNA test and tell Cersei,
"He is NOT the father!"
and have everyone do that victory dance they do when they get the results.

So, he takes it upon himself to conquer the world. Then, this show would have you believe he orders the death of the only possible heir to his throne.

WHUUUUUUUT?

Why in Seven Hells would anyone do that?

Can anyone help me out here?


_________________________This post was interrupted by the person whose child(ren) I watch, who had given me a schedule showing this week and next OFF, and then inexplicably pulled into my driveway. Good thing I was awake and had some actual clothes on. Pajamas, but my all of my clothes can double as pajamas so no one noticed.
SURPRISE! I don't have this week off from them.