The $62,000.00+ Headache

I hate this title because it implies my headache is over, giving it a total dollar amount. I still have head pressure, that amount is JUST from the 4 days I spent in the hospital. 

Over $62,000.00

For a headache.

Yes, we do have insurance so that is not our amount, thank all the gods old and new, but how crazy is that. FOUR DAYS. No, I did not sleep on beds made of bald eagle feathers or eat lobster or caviar, or anything else that wasn't straight up hospital food. 

Which when your fighting nausea, "food" means pretty much just hot water run through various gross things. Mostly old coffee, or what was probably coffee beans at some point, who knows how long ago, and BROTH. Which is you guessed it, also dirty hot dog water run through what tasted like million year old bullion cubes and possibly old sweat socks. 

Don't get me wrong, I mostly slept for 4 days and people brought me food and I didn't have to do a dang thing except try to get comfortable, find something on regular TV and sit through commercials (UGH!) because they don't have DVR in the hospital, despite their insane Comcast-like pricing. You would think Comcast would be ALL UP in the evil hospital system, wouldn't you? 

It's a natural partnership.

Take it from someone who has waited for both an insane amount of time. One on hold on the phone, and the other for what felt like HOURS to come turn off the alarm just so I can go to the bathroom.

What I didn't get into in my last post about my month-long headache, was the fact that after the Spinal Tap they considered me a Fall Risk. Which is ironically always true, but in this case the only RISK from me standing up was me getting sick. I never even came close to falling. However, to protect themselves from potential law suits, whenever anyone is the slightest bit dizzy they put you in this "Fall Risk" lock-down situation. It's a nightmare.

You have to call a nurse BEFORE you can get up to go to the bathroom. If, sorry WHEN, the nurses are busy and take forever, if you happen to take matters into your own hands and stand up? A HUGE, LOUD ALARM SOUNDS. Right by your migraine-addled head. Awesome.

I don't know if you've been in a hospital lately, but you see a doctor for a total of 15 seconds a day, and nurses seem to only come into your room when they know you're asleep to put a needle in your arm and then immediately disappear again. 
When I explained how painful the whole situation is to someone being rehydrated by IV and told to drink large amounts of caffeine to ease the migraine, this was their solution:
The nurses gave me their mobile numbers. 

This way, instead of just pushing an easy little button on my bed's remote control, I could now have to turn on a light, look and see who was my nurse at this hour, look up their number, get the phone and CALL THEM just to have them tell me, 
"Um, I'll be there as soon as I can."

Instead of just pushing the dang button right by my head.
That's so much better since sitting up makes me sick.

Other than that, and them not noticing my IV got all jenky in the MRI and formed that painful golf ball of liquid, the nurses were great. I'm not even going to talk about the Bedpan Incident. TOO SOON.

Whatever nurses make, it is not enough.

Anyway, I wish I could wrap this up like an episode of House with a sarcastic line and an amazing diagnosis but I'm no Hugh Laurie (is that House's name?) and this isn't TV, so I'm sure this will end like pretty much ALL of my medical mysteries: Unanswered.
And with tons of crazy prescriptions because: America.

One such beauty is Nasal Spray, which is one of the most disgusting ways you can start your day. Unless you make the mistake of saying that out loud around my husband, who will then proceed to talk about things that are in fact more disgusting. The only one I can mention is,
"It's better than swallowing OTHER PEOPLE's boogers."

We have no idea what's going on, or what caused it at this point. My doctor seems to think the migraine was triggered by a combination of whatever viral infection my kids brought home from school like the class pet to infect us all, sinus pressure from that and allergies, and stress hormones which my body is currently not handling well. 

I'm trying to get back into yoga, and walk for exercise. That is supposed to be effective treatment for stress hormones and all that jazz: Exercise. Just what you feel like doing when you've had a headache for a MONTH, but the only other thing she suggested were some medicines and seeing a neurologist.

We have HMO so the soonest they can see me is October 13, one MONTH from when I called them. Awesome. Thanks, United Health Care. I'm just glad I have not had a migraine this whole time. Just a headache. 

That is also getting better. I don't reach for pain meds the second I wake up anymore. I've been waiting until the pressure gets really bad, currently around 10:00a.m. which is an entire DOSE of medicine later than last week. Hopefully my poor liver is still alive to hear this news. I've been at the MAXIMUM number of both Tylenol and Motrin every single day for 3 weeks, so I can't even drink. 

At least things are going in the right direction. I'm sure everything will be golden now that we've had our magical eclipse of the Super Blood Moon last night. Right? I don't even know if it happened because I live in the Midwest where it's always cloudy. And Branchy. 

Have you seen that commercial about satellite? 
If not, here it is and it's actually pretty funny:

That's all I have time for, as I'm now weeks behind in every single thing in life: Work, laundry, you name it.

Happy New Moon on Monday all.


  1. Gotta love the cost of healthcare in this country.That reminds me of a great quote from Josh Sunquist via his YouTube channel.

    "The average hip replacement in the USA costs $40,364. In Spain, it costs $7,371. That means I can literally fly to Spain, get my hip replaced, live in Madrid for 2 years, learn Spanish, run with the bulls, get trampled by the bulls, get my hip replaced again, and fly home for less than the cost of a single hip replacement in the US. That's crazy."

    1. Ha. That is amazing.
      ....ly embarassing for us.
      I used to think socialism was crazy, but the older I get the more I feel the Bern.
      Bernie Sanders, that is. He's all for socialism and after this headache? Sounds good.

  2. I laughed all the way through this but WITH you, not AT you, of course. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you will write soon about the Bedpan Incident. Right now my imagination is running amok. AMOK, I tell you.

    1. Hahahahaha I mean, only so many things can happen right?!
      (But I think I made someone quit their job.)

  3. I am so sorry, and I hope you're feeling better! In the meantime, I laughed my ass off at your nurse meme.

    1. Thanks, I am now. It's taken me awhile to answer this. I've been OUT OF IT.

  4. Wow, I got a sympathy headache just reading that! I hope you are feeling much better soon. That is crazy that the hospital charges that much money. They sort of take advantage of sick people, don't they, because they're like, "Just come in here and we will take care of you and make you feel better!" And then when you are better they say. "That will be TEN MILLION DOLLARS!" Not really fair, is it?

    1. Thank you Angel. The cost is CRAZY. I feel so bad for people without insurance. We have our government plan, which is a miracle, but I wish something could be done about these outrageous costs!