That Movie I Made With Corey Haim in the 90’s

I haven’t told this story in awhile, it’s old and it’s about Corey Haim, RIP *crosses self dramatically* buuut The Precious Princess (I’ll link at the end, you want to read HER story 2^nd because it will make mine look SUPER LAME by comparison,) she reminded me with her REAL celebrity moment.

from alicetiara.tumblr.com

Her story takes place in Chicago, like mine, she had a special moment (2 days) with Oprah. I won’t spoil her story, but it reminded me that my sister was on the Oprah show with her friend, Murph, and that reminded me of the movie my sisters & I made with Corey Haim in the 90’s.

from thedailyomnivore.net

We all have our “15 minutes of fame” stories, mine are super lame because I don’t really give a crap about most celebrities, so I never waited in a long line to meet anyone or sent fan mail or even a freaking TWEET to Shatner, or anything. 

When I do see a celebrity I don’t run up and tell them I’m a huge fan if I’m not. I will approach if I LIKE them, I’m far from shy. I DID approach Joan Cusak in a water park, but that was only because I didn't think it was REALLY Joan, I was on a kick where I would take pictures of people that LOOKED KIND OF LIKE celebrities, which started with a hilariously delicious Little Richard look alike donning a TIGHT Speedo. The dude had fantastic hair and looked like he was smuggling grapes in his swimsuit. After that, it kind of became a thing for awhile. 

My favorite REAL celebrity run-in was seeing Johnny "Red" Kerr singing karaoke in a bar in Forest Park. He was singing country, terribly and in fact when I told him I was a big fan of his, he asked me "Of what?" (Meaning as a basketball PLAYER or hilarious Bulls announcer) and I said, "Well, not your singing!" and we both cracked up. He was a good sport, and signed a matchbook for my son. He still has it SOMEWHERE in his disgusting room, but I don't feel the time it would take digging in his smelly teenager room would be a good ROI here. 

I also saw a Chicago Bulls sports caster in a bar, Steve “Kashie” Kashul, and I did beg him to play Pop-A-Shot against me.

 ^Kashie ^                from NBA.com

He wouldn’t do it though, and I see his point.

If he won? He beat some local non-professional girl, big deal.

If he lost to some girl? He would never hear the end of it.

We did have a few laughs about how awesome Charles Barkley was (and STILL is) and how dangerous Bill Cartwright’s elbows were. If you’re a hoops fan from Chicago, you know.

I once did literally BUMP INTO Bob Sagat in Los Angeles going out to dinner with my Godmother. 

^FILTHY!^ pic from sho.com

He was with his daughter so no, he didn’t drop any F bombs that he’s famous for in his standup.

Tangent fun fact: If you haven’t seen it and you HAVE seen Full House and/or America’s Funniest Videos? Do yourself a huge favor and google his standup, it’s hilariously filthy. 

Anyway, nicest guy in the world in real life, he was looking for a bandage for his daughter, and long after I bumped into him, he remembered me and asked me “How was your dinner, good?” AMAZING STORY, right?! I'm looking for a buyer for the movie rights.

There are more, but I already forgot because that is what a total snoozer the “stories” are.

This one time though? 
In Johnny Rockets in Chicago? 
My sisters and I made a movie with Corey Haim. And that lady, Murph, who went with my sister to be on Oprah, she was there too. 

We were bar hopping on Rush Street, a Chicago street famous for tons of bars, (see "St. Elmo's Fire," among other movies) I vaguely remember a dude with a clipboard and a headset asking us “Hey, you girls want to be in a movie?” I know. We've all seen that episode of Law & Order.

I’m sure we were leary at first. Well, I imagine my middle sister, Moe, was ALL OVER this idea. She is our Aryia, all girl balls, no fear. I have no doubt my oldest sister, Binky, was very worried. She’s the oldest and that’s what she does. She was voted “Most Likely To Have Stomach Ulcers” in her yearbook, or something like that. 

I’m sure Murph and I didn’t give a crap either way. When you go out with my sisters, you’re going to have stories to tell, and sometimes super embarrassing pictures in kitty-cat eyeglass frames that have NO actual GLASS in them, one way or another.

Semi-Tangent Backstory Note:

My sisters are really good looking, and get kind of crazy when we go out. They are known to dance on top of bars, wear costumes and accessories, and have made out with known pirates and convicted serial killers. (Okay, I may be dramatically abusing the word ‘serial,’ does TWO murders make you a serial killer? Not sure what the rules are.) Anyway, they always get approached when I go out with them.

BUT I'M FUUUNNY!
from celebitchy.com

That might sound like a good thing, but for me? It always was and is kind of a nightmare. Mayhap because I’m the Khloe of the group, but even when I was younger and pretty good looking, it was still annoying. 

I hate being bugged by obnoxious guys, or almost any guy, at a bar. (Girls? Have never been a problem, as soon as you say you're not interested they go away, or just rap with you about how uncomfortable high heels are and shit like that.) But Guys? GO AWAY! I’ll buy my own drinks, thanks. If I want to talk to you? You’ll know. 

My gene pool is chock full o’ awesome women with big chests and bigger mouths, and the kind of guys that approach those kinds of women in bars? Are NOT the kind of guys I want to talk to ever, so I would always wear T-shirts and sneakers and be ready to K some A if I needed to.

Ugh. Even my tangents go off on tangents.

Anyway, back to the story: The guy with the clipboard and headset was looking for extras for a movie that shoots scenes in a bar. At some point between people talking about it, the lanyards and clipboards, and HBO swag, it seemed REALLY DAMN ELABORATE for a hoax of 4 women so we checked it out.

We went in, had to sign some paperwork, and were to be paid ONE DOLLAR when the movie came out. That was apparently the going rate (legal minimum to avoid lawsuits) for being an extra in HBO movie in the 90s. Our entire knowledge of the movie was the title: “Shooter On The Side” in which Corey Haim is a bartender, hence the shooting of scenes in a bar.

In the bar, there were MORE cameras and clipboard-carrying dudes directing people all over the place. People were buzzing about this and that and somehow we found out that Corey Haim was not only in this MOVIE, but the man was IN THE BUILDING. Cool!

The little brother from “Lost Boys” hell yeah! I don’t know if my sisters even knew who he was at that time, they are 9 and 10 years older than I am, so on their radar would be more of your Shawn Cassidys and the like. But the Coreys? SIGN ME UP!

This was Corey in the 90's, he still looked good. It was post-child star and before the hot mess "Celebrity Rehab" type stuff.

AFTER THIS

from missvintagepopculture.blogspot.com

But *BEFORE* THIS

from starcasm.net

After paperwork, we were sent up to the dance floor, where we had to dance to the SAME SONG for over an hour to quote “Get shots from all angles,” ugh, can't they see we are NATURALS at being in a bar?? We were directed, over and over, through a BULLHORN to quote “Dance sexier!” 

I don’t know if YOU could take that kind of direction through a bullhorn and take it seriously, but yeah, we didn’t do so well. After awhile, we stopped guffawing and just danced, so this part would be over and/or we could at least get a NEW SONG.

It might seem like fun to make a movie in a bar, but after awhile of the same song? It gets a little old. We had drinks, but once we were on the dance floor and our drinks were gone, it didn’t seem like a good move to LEAVE and try and get another drink, so we just danced as “sexy” as white girls from the suburbs could muster.

I’m sure my middle sister was a BIG HIT, this is her jam. I imagine short films of her style of dancing, where she would run her hands up and down her legs and make weird inappropriate faces, were probably made into mini-films and distributed all over the world to fans of midget porn. Oh, did I mention my middle sister is about 5 feet tall WITH hooker heels on?

Soon enough someone saw I was CLEARLY out of place on a dance floor, especially where people were supposed to “dance sexier” so some clipboarder grabbed my T-shirt-wearing ass and directed me to a DIFFERENT scene. I couldn’t even be offended, I didn’t belong in this scenario. 

He sent me to a different area where they were filming “bar footage” and I don't think I have never been happier that I dress like a schlub because when I got to the “bar scene” GUESS WHO WAS THE BARTENDER? Yep, Corey Haim. In all his Corey Glory. 

And then, THIS actually HAPPENED in a moment that was captured on film and I’m sure it made the cut into the final film:

Corey as bartender: POINTS TO ME as in ‘Want a drink?’

Me as patron: LIFTS MY BEER to him as in “I’m good.”

Corey: SMILES AT ME, WINKS AT ME, and gives me the index, aka SHOOTER-finger-with-thumb-up sign, as in “Cool.”  

TRUE STORY. 

That happened, and it was filmed. By HBO. My 15 minutes. (Seconds.)

That was it. I want to say we topped off the night partying with Corey, and went to his yacht on Lake Michigan with Corey Feldman and Michael Jackson, and the boat turned into a rocket and shot up into space....or anything else, because that would be the only way this story would have a cool ending.

The movie was never released on HBO, and that’s it other than our good-bye move. We were leaving, and the crowd suddenly cleared and sitting down not 10 feet from us was COREY HAIM. Binky said “Let’s throw him a big Dating Game kiss” so one of us yelled “Hey, Corey” and we all turned around dramatically threw him a big, cheesy stage kiss. He smiled really big, so I’m sure he never forgot it his whole life.

That’s pretty much the end of the story. The End. So great, right?!

from zazzle.com

Binky doesn’t want me to tell you about the part where a few weeks later, I mailed her a corny ass hand-written THANK YOU card and signed it “Corey Haim.” I wrote something super dorky like ‘It was such a pleasure working with you, and I hope we can work together again soon’ and drew a wink or something inappropriate like that. I thought this was hilarious, and that she would find it hilarious.

The part she doesn’t want me to tell you is how she showed ALL OF HER NEIGHBORS this card, and was super excited to have a hand-written note from THEE Corey Haim. It's not that bad of a story. I mean, how would you know how embarrassing that is for her? How would you possibly know that she should have recognized MY handwriting from my having written her letters every day for about a YEAR when she got divorced? How would you know that?

It is now 2013, we are STILL waiting for the dollar, and to hear about the movie actually coming out anywhere. That story and this blog are the only things that exist to prove this happened. I should make us T-shirts that say “I made an HBO movie with Corey Haim and I had to make my OWN lousy T-shirt.”

If you know anything about the movie, please let me know. It IS credited in Corey Haim’s movies, see below. I included a link to this page at the bottom.

See the movie highlighted in red? Yeah, I was in that movie.

Corey Haim’s Filmography

The Edison Twins (1982) (TV) Firstborn (1984) Secret Admirer (1985) Silver Bullet (1985) A Time to Live (1985) (TV) Murphy’s Romance (1985) Lucas (1986) Roomies (1987) (TV) The Lost Boys (1987) Watchers (1988) License to Drive (1988) Dream a Little Dream (1989) The Dream Machine (1990) Fast Getaway (1991) Prayer of the Rollerboys (1991) Oh, What a Night (1992) The Double 0 Kid (1992) Blown Away (1992)

Double Switch (1993) (VG) Anything for Love (1993) Fast Getaway II (1994) National Lampoon’s Last Resort (1994) Dream a Little Dream 2 (1995) Life 101 (1995) Snowboard Academy (1996) Shooter on the Side (1996) Fever Lake (1996) (V) Demolition High (1996) Busted (1996) Never Too Late (1997) Demolition University (1997) (V) Merlin (1998) (TV) Without Malice (2000) (TV) The Back Lot Murders (2002) Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star (2003) Universal Groove (2007)

Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008) Crank: High Voltage (2009) Shark City (2009) Terminal Hotel (2009) American Sunset (2009) Trade In (2009) The Girl (2010) The Pick Up (2010)

 from:

http://spicymoviedogs.com/1260/actor-corey-haim-found-dead-at-age-38.html

Here is the ONE movie review we can find on the movie. 

Soo SOMEONE saw it! In Pakistan in 2002 apparently.

Really not a family movie ... but better to watch with your girlfriend ... alone.

Author: Race-Bennon from Pakistan
10 March 2002

Well I saw this movie and really enjoyed the way it goes, and especially the sexy big breasted waitress, I kept on wondering if she shows herself up and then BAM !!! She starts the real hardcore and the way it goes WOW !!! Reallll cool, well overall I will rate it at almost 6.5 out of 10 and a must see once.

from:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0186541/reviews?ref_=tt_ov_rt

Here is a link to the Precious Princess’ date with Oprah, which inspired this killer story. So, you have HER to thank/spank for having to read this.