2015-07-20

The 4 Quick Things You Need To Do If You're Not A Feminist

It's no secret I'm not a fan of writing about topics that aren't ridiculous, but sometimes someone has to.

Feminism is one of those things that I tend not to think about. I live it, I have just never had to chose it consciously. I was raised in a matriarchal family of strong, smart women. We actually need to pay special attention to our boys. Like the Polish Kardashians, but without all the plastic surgery and money. 

It's not something anyone in our family has to think about. That is, until I see an injustice or see someone who needs some information. The "someone" is a lot of people, actually.

It seems there are people, even young and smart women, who feel like feminism is synonymous with hating men. 

First thing you should know: It is NOT.

Feminism doesn't mean anything negative about men at all. I'm a feminist and I chose to be married to a man. I chose to take my husband's last name, to stay home with my children, putting my career aside to be the homemaker, diaper changer, CEO of Toilet Cleaning. That was a choice we made together, my husband and I.

Most of the time when someone talks about feminism, or being a feminist, really all that means is they believe, as do I, that women and men should have the same rights and opportunities.

This is from MiriamWebster.com


from miriamwebster.com
In case this is too small on your phone, it reads:
"Feminism
   noun
: the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities."
: organized activity in support of women's rights and interests

That's really all it is. 

Equal rights. Equal opportunities. Period.
Women should have rights.

Yes, we're also fighting for equal pay for EQUAL work, and it's hard to even figure out what that means sometimes. We know men and women are different, so you don't have to come at us with tired old examples like,
"Oh, so men should be surrogate mothers and wet nurses?" 
*eye roll*

No one is suggesting a woman run for Chief Output Officer at the Sperm Factory. We're just saying that in general if a woman has the same education and experience as a man, they should be on the same pay scale. That's it.

They should be able to apply for, and hold, the same positions.

Yes, there are a lot of factors that tip the scales, different college majors, maternity leave, etc. WE KNOW. Most feminists just really want a more equal opportunity.

Part of the solution would be for women to ask for, and demand when necessary (it's almost always necessary) to be paid what we are worth.

I've had to fight, I've had to demand. I've left jobs that told me "You're already at the top of the pay scale." Then when I found another job and gave my notice, hey all of a sudden it turns out they CAN actually give me a raise if I'm actually going to leave. Well, whattayaknow? I never studied finance, but is that a supply and demand thing? Not sure.

I don't want to bring up crazy quotes from celebrities who really just don't understand what words mean. It might not be the best idea to look to television actors or actresses as an example to live our lives. I'm actually trying to help us here. A little information goes a long way.

Whatever you do or think, don't hate the idea of feminism. 


Especially if you're a woman. Why root against yourself? 
You don't think you should have rights? Please explain.

Feminism is about choices. If you chose to get married or not, or have children or not, or change your last name or not, or have a career or NOT, it should be YOUR CHOICE. Period. 

That's it. 

Just let us have the same choices.

We're fighting for what men just automatically get. You don't have to choose that, but why shouldn't it be available? Even if you don't believe in equality in general, maybe just don't stand in the way?

My point is this:
If you don't think men and women should have equal opportunities and rights, that's your business. Here are 4 things you need to do RIGHT AWAY though:

1. Close your computer. (After you read the rest of this.)

2. Cancel your internet provider.

3. Sell or donate all of your electronics. Especially the ones that help you communicate with people.


4. Churn butter for the rest of your life. 


It's obviously the 1800's in your head, and hey awesome, it's your America too. But please do make yourself useful. Butter is delicious.




Yes this is a celebrity, but it makes sense.
from feminspire.com

26 comments:

  1. I'm like you - there was never anything but feminists in my background, except I called them Mom, Gramma and Aunt. And yes, we do almost always have to demand equal pay - I worked for one employer who preferred to only give the "Manager" title to men. Women got "Supervisor" even if you were actually doing the work of a Manager. The difference was only about $20,000 a year.

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    Replies
    1. UGH. That is so crazy. It's amazing how many people, not even just men, think that women can't hold certain positions. Yes some women are very emotional, and you know what? So are some men. We're all different. Take us all as individuals.

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  2. When my wife was at her old job, she got promoted at the exact same time as another guy, to the exact same position. She later found out that she was making $5,000 per year less than him, even though he was 5 years younger, had 2 years less of experience, and didn't even have a college degree. So yes, this shit definitely matters.

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    1. It's crazy sometimes how different it is. I was an executive assistant (aka secretary to the CEO) and he most important thing they ever told me is to make sure no one can find out the salaries. Yes that tends to make a person curious. The women, in the SAME DEPARTMENTS with the same titles, experience, etc., made around 20% less than the men. Even the men who sucked at their jobs. Girls, ask for a raise if you think you deserve one. If you don't think you deserve one? Step up your game.

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  3. I too was brought up in a household of strong women and never really had to think of these things! It's ridiculous how the word 'feminist' has been twisted to mean something completely negative!!

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    1. It's great that you had that example, Roshni! And yes, crazy that some people still think that. I know a lot of people have been opting OUT of reading news-related items because they're depressing, but I still don't understand how women can be so negative. Is that fear? Defeat? It's sad.

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  4. It's the media and patriarchal interests that deliberately twisted the meaning of feminism to make it the "dirty word" it is today to so many people, women included. Thinking people understand that. Unfortunately, there's a lot of non-thinkers out there.

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    1. It's gettin hard out there for white dudes. They're scared.

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  5. I guess a "Woman, make me a sammich and get me a beer" joke would be out of order here, huh? :D

    Just kiddin', ladies. I have a great Mom who would kick my ass if I actually thought along those "get me a sammich.." lines.

    Nice work, Joy!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. And you know I never mind a joke, even a bad one! It's a sad state when you can't laugh at yourself.
      My husband makes those jokes all the time. But he is also lowkey afraid of me and my sisters.

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  6. Hell yeah... amen! get your own dang sammich! lol

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    1. Hahahahaha I cannot tell you how many times I have to remind my relatively modern husband that I'm not a waitress. Or a maid. Or his secretary.....

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  7. I've taken a while to learn how to be a feminist. I sometimes get it right.

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    1. You're doing just fine my friend. And you're not spreading misinformation, so that's a beautiful thing.

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  8. Hi Joy, thanks for this post. I feel I am a feminist but I don't really put that label on myself. My daughter is a strong feminist. The men in our family are chauvinistic so there was always and still is, that struggle close to home. Great points here, and churning butter? Great activity for a traditional person, male or female (equal rights). :)

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  9. I love this. I've never really considered myself a feminist because to me it always had political connotations and I am hugely apolitical. (Which is like being asexual, but with even fewer dicks.) But even I get that equality isn't a reality yet and whether or not I CALL myself a feminist I still believe in the ideals.
    And I get the fact that not everyone is taking up the fight, I'm not an activist. I just don't have it in me to do marches or sit-ins or whatthefuck for a cause. I can't even get my fucking laundry done. BUT I don't get people who would speak out against it. That just tells me they don't really know what they are arguing against.
    (And JFTR butter IS fucking delicious!)

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    1. I love the line about fewer dicks, good stuff. I am not super political, but I have strong opinions and even though sometimes mine are different, I at least like to get it out there and explain. That's how I've learned t he most in my life, when someone much different than I actually took time to explain why they feel a certain way. Even if I don't agree, I learn why they are the way they are. That helps me. A lot of people don't have a great reason for their opinions, or they will drilled into their heads by their parents and they just never questioned it.

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    2. I love the line about fewer dicks, good stuff. I am not super political, but I have strong opinions and even though sometimes mine are different, I at least like to get it out there and explain. That's how I've learned t he most in my life, when someone much different than I actually took time to explain why they feel a certain way. Even if I don't agree, I learn why they are the way they are. That helps me. A lot of people don't have a great reason for their opinions, or they will drilled into their heads by their parents and they just never questioned it.

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  10. I can't imagine living any other way. Being a feminist is just a subset of being a humanist. Equal rights for all people.
    except maybe serial killers. And whoever invented the jughandle turn.

    great post, Joy. xoxox

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    Replies
    1. Agreed.
      *chatting w Google re: jughandle turn*

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    2. Agreed.
      *chatting w Google re: jughandle turn*

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  11. Replies
    1. *drops mic...
      into a giant vat of creamery butter*

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  12. As a dude feminist, I find that my job is to give fair warning to anyone who sells any of my three daughters short. And to create a reality, at least from their home and upbringing, that gender mainly serves as a label to get us to the correct bathroom. My girls asked once, "there's never been a woman president?" to them it was a foreign concept, or a fluke of nature, like, "the Detroit Lions have never won a Super Bowl?" If they navigate life the way they've navigated the co-ed soccer field, they'll also lead by example.

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    1. Sounds like you're doing everything right. There hasn't YET been a woman president, but we're at least seeing one run.
      Smart writers, bloggers, parents are sending the right messages, that's the important thing. I just saw that Target is removing any labeling of gender - specificity on their toys. All moves in the right direction. Thanks for reading and for your comment. Your girls are going to do amazing things.

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