Prison Slang and Monkey Mouth

My wee one, Sadie Bug the pro-level 2 yr old, has an icky viral rash that had her very UNcomfy this week. Scary high fever for about a day, and a yucky rash making her crabby. 
Thankfully she's on the mend, no more fever, minimal scream-crying, unlike the early part of this week. 
I hope you don't get those really nasty ones in your feed, some are just GROSS.
That is from my Facebook page that I used to recommend you follow, but chances are you won't see the posts anyway so why bother? 
I'm falling out of love with Facebook, as a blogger. I spend less time there, as far as the blogging page is concerned, because it's a pain to take the time to type with my fat fingers on my phone's TINY keys, only to have 13 people see it. Not 13% of the people who clicked "Like" but 13 total people. Which sucks because I pink puffy heart LOVE my friends who have clicked "Like" there, but they don't see anything and it makes me want to cry.

Thankfully I am a member of several GROUPS on Facebook, and as a private citizen consumer I love it for those kinds of things, but as a Blogger it can kiss a very large portion of my pink hams.

However, I do love me some #ThrowbackThursday. My family brings up the best (and worst) pictures from the past and it's always fun. This is a picture of a restaurant from the Bridgeport neighborhood on the south side of Chicago. It burned down and sadly they never rebuilt. 
Amazing, right? It was.
It was a fantastic family restaurant with a mysteriously sparkly sidewalk, great food, amazingly thick milkshakes and they would leave the big silver cannister so you could drink an entire blender's worth of milkshake. Did I mention I was a child when we went there? Though really, those would be the best things to me as an adult as well. 

I haven't thought about this place in decades. My family shared memories of the place, and it was lovely. One of the characters I remember fondly was a man we affectionately called "Lester the Drunk." He would join us at our table, with his swollen, blood-red nose and accompanying gin blossoms, and never eat a single thing. My sisters told me Lester the Drunk used to come to our house when I was a baby, and pay them a quarter to bring him a shoot of liquor on Sunday, or early in the day before the city could legally sell liquor. ANY kind of liquor, Lester didn't care.

My cousin posted this beauty from the 70's that I didn't even know existed. Or maybe I did and I blocked it out.
As you can see, I was always super serious. Speaking of my Scott-like personality, I'm very super over-the-moon thankful to Clark for featuring me on his guest post this week at the Wakefield Doctrine! Click there to read an intro-flection, which I'm pretending is a thing, on my personality paradigm shift. It's hilarious to me to post anything about my personality type, since I always thought my type was: None. However, the Doctrine leaves no nerd un-turned. It seems I'm a Scott, with a Minor in Clark-ism.

Clark is one of the hosts of the party this post links up to: The Ten Things of Thankful. Click HERE to join in the fun.
The 2 yr old, she is better and she also learned to master the art of crawling out of her crib. She really seems to be a ninja. You don't even hear a PEEP while she's doing it, or any thud or crash when she hits the ground. 
She also, awesomely, crawled INTO her crib Thursday morning w/her Beary (luvie bear) and put HERSELF down for a nap! I KNOW. She's making up for all the scream-crying and middle of the night episodes from earlier in the week.

This week has been a gift from the universe weather-wise. Three days of 70 degrees, my kind of weather. We've been outside all day, having the WINDOWS WIDE OPEN! 

Well, except our bedroom window because it's right by the radon mitigation mechanism that emits a loud, annoying constant buzzing like a visitor being buzzed into a prison. But it never stops. The Screws never do go in or out, it's an All Day and Night sentence (which is life without parole, for those of the Pepsi Generation.) 

It's maddening enough to require Bug Juice* or Chewie Bleweys*, or at least swig some Pruno. The noise never bothers my Cellie, who snores like a Bear, but it keeps me up and in the morning? I feel like I was Beat Up from the Feet Up.

There's not much we can do so I ain't fitting to Bust a Grape, it's No Smoke. I just need to Hold My Mud until we can afford to move and get out of this Jolt.

Don't mind my Wolf Tickets, I recently read a piece on prison slang.

Incidentally, if you're looking for a Pen Pal, here's a web site to help you write to a prisoner(s). Cleverly, the site is called www.writeaprisoner.com that's a link if you have extra time, or looking for material to write an article or post. 

Okay, enough with the Monkey Mouth. 

We also got to hear very loud construction, thanks to neighbors across the street. The kids got to watch Dump trucks leaving mounds of dirt, and whatever you call the trucks that move the dirt, and all of the trucks backing up at an ear-piercing decibel. 
I imagine this is sewer-related, as we seem to have major sewer problems in this area of town. Constantly. 

Hopefully they're building something amazing over there. Like a Fountain of Youth, or at least a water slide. They seem like nice people, and by that I mean they are some of the select, very few, ever-shrinking group of people in-my-neighborhood that I don't despise. Yet.

Here's a pay-off for enduring my Monkey Mouth.
Hopefully, anyway.
*Prison Slang Translation, since as Clark pointed out, I often write with the AUDIENCE in mind, being a monkey-mouthed Scott.

Pepsi Generation: New prisoners
Bug Juice: Psych meds
Chewie Bleweys: Xanax
Pruno: Prison wine
Cellie: Cell Mate
No Smoke: Being agreeable
Bust a Grape: Make a big deal, 
  (literally burst a hemorrhoid. I may have to use this in my daily slang.)
Beat up from the Feet Up: Tore up from the floor up.
Hold My Mud: Not being a rat
Jolt: Long sentence
Wolf Tickets: Bluffing
Monkey Mouth: Unlike Urban Dictionary's definition of morning-after-drinking mouth, in prison slang a Monkey Mouth goes on and on and on and ON about nothing. 
from funnyjunk.com
I should really change the name of this blog to MonkeyMouth.com 

I wanted to do a whole post with this slang, but who knows if it will ever happen and in the meantime I found these interesting.

Good day. Good week, Sirs and Madames.


  1. Hey, there was a Monkey Mouth in season 2 of Orange is the New Black! There was only one way to shut her up, LOL!

    1. hahahaha I had to think for a minute WHO that was, duh Joy.

  2. Thanks for the intro to prison lingo. Never know when it might come in handy.

  3. Replies
    1. That happens to me a lot, then I think 'Maybe the comments came in JUST as I was coming in?' But no. My phone or laptop just goes to a cached version of the page, without the comments for some reason, and then when I go to comment and hit "Publish" THEN I see the comments. No idea why that happens.

    2. *headdesk* That sucks. I've done that a LOT this weekend.

    3. Not sure if it will work, but I know on my computer if I click F5, it refreshes the page.

  4. No. Not even close. Crap. Why didn't the fuggin other comments show up *growls*

    LOVE this though - so much fun, and silly prison lingo I never knew (and will never have cause to use). And most of all (though I do adore the picture of little-madgirl-you on rollerskates) - how come the pavement was sparkly? That's AWESOME!

    And sorry Facebook's such an asshole to you :'(

    1. I would try to use the prison lingo in your everyday speech. Especially if you come across any teenagers, teens love slang! Espesh the Monkey-mouthed chatty ones!
      The sparkly sidewalk, there are a bunch of them in NYC and San Francisco. I'll link to pictures so you can see it, I should have put a picture in the post so you can see what I mean.
      It's called Silicon Carbide. It comes in powder form in bags and then you work it into the surface of the concrete as it’s curing.
      Facebook says it's just trying to give CONSUMERS a better experience, which I appreciate. However the whole "click Like and comment on what you want to see" is a farce. I click Like on TONS of stuff that doesn't make it's way into my feed. I even make and use Lists, but they don't work on my phone :(

    2. I'll have to Google it - that sounds amazing! I definitely want to know, and have NEVER seen a sparkly sidewalk, so I'm quite excited! (how sad!)

      FB shows me *entirely* different things on my phone feed than it does on my laptop, too - there's real disparity, which seems utterly bizarre to me! BUT the people - those I manage to keep up with :)

    3. It's really pretty, especially at night! Again, I hadn't even thought about sparkly sidewalks in forever and it was another lovely Throwback memory!

  5. Replies
    1. I thought it was pretty funny, but I am a Banana head :)

    2. I just consider myself lucky to have opposable thumbs!

  6. I am so glad that there is no one here right now to hear me laughing like a loon! Oh my God! I can't stop. I am saving this to look at anytime I need to a good laugh because it's priceless!!

    That said, I'm glad your little one is better and I hear you about Facebook. I'm getting pretty over it myself!

    1. So glad you got a chuckle! I love a good chuckle.
      Thanks, most rashes are nothing to worry about, but some of them are just GROSS. And itchy :( she's better now, running around like a little monkey again!

  7. Could have used the prison lingo when I was teaching, Joy! Those teens I had in class were close to being residents!

    1. Yikes! Hopefully not, but I'll bet they would have gotten a kick out of the lingo. Teens love slang, yo.

  8. you are way welcome, it was totally my pleasure you were every bit the 'hell-no!-I'm-not-saying-anything-you-tell-her-that-this-'thehappywithyarn-blog-and-this-Wakefield place that we hope for when it comes up on 'scott week'

    agree on the Facebook thing, even the fun of complaining that the snickers ads that sneak in ('your best friend wants you to know the inside story of Snickers'), are pornography wanes after a while. (I used to have fun writing Comments to the fake postings like, 'Chicken McNuggets… less than 1 percent human fingernail clippings for over 30 days in a row'!)
    …sure, kinda immature lol

    1. hahaha I love the McComment, too funny! Immature is my color. Or colour if I'm talkin to Lizzi :D
      And probably true, though nails are good for you. My mom used to FORCE me to eat Jello to help my own icky nails. They're still icky, maybe I should eat more McNuggets???

  9. Loved this post. Very interesting slang you have going on. lol. I have just finished my TTofT and I also made the statement that Facebook is beginning to bore me. I actually don't link my two blogs to Facebook and have had Facebook since 2010. I'm going on a year and a half of the blog world. I live in such a small town, that most of my Facebook friends, well, they know me in everyday life, so Facebook is more like a stalker heaven in my part of the world. :)

    1. That's nice you have contact with people in a small town. That used to scare me when I was younger, everyone would know my (many) mistakes. Now that I'm older I think it would be lovely. Of course I do make fewer mistakes, maybe that's why?
      I love the friends I have on my page on Facebook, we used to interact and for awhile I rarely blogged because I got the interaction I needed from my Facebook page friends. Maybe it's a good thing, now I'm actually posting to the blog at least once a week. Who knows? Thanks for reading!

  10. I love seeing old photos, too.

    Your daughter put herself down for a nap? Wow! I know some kids do that sort of thing, but mine never did (until they were teenagers, that is!)

    1. That was the FIRST (and so far ONLY) time she's done that, but YES. I was very impressed that she did that!

  11. Facebook annoys me to death. Zuckerfucker (per Julie DeNeen) does not need to gouge us no-money making bloggers so he can add to his gazillions of dollars. Prison lingo is da shit! Thanks for sharing. Ima get gansta and give a monkey a ciggie. Because nothing is funnier than smoking monkeys. Digression.

    1. hahahaha just watch out when you take the stoges away, nothing worse than a nicotine-craving monkey mouth.
      I want to call him a jerk, but if the big corporations are paying it, he's also a genius. He got us hooked, EVERYONE and their mother is on Facebook, even people who claim to hate computers and technology. The pictures of the grandkids suck them in, and then they're hooked and they can see ALL THE ADs. It would be really hard not to try to capitalize on that I'm sure. Plus now that they're public he has all those stockholders to answer to. That's when it started to turn south.

  12. I am very thankful you didn't post a picture of the rash. My boyfriend has been breaking out in hives for the last couple of weeks and that is enough skin madness for me! Love the photo of you- looks like you should have a hula hoop going.

    1. You're welcome. I belong to some local mom groups and those ladies do NOT understand putting pictures in the comments. And their kids have some BAD rashes apparently. And they/their husbands have dry, cracked feet. I don't think we need a VISUAL of that, you know? We know what dry, cracked skin means. NO PIC REQUIRED. Please and spanks.

  13. Glad your daughter is on the mend. Does the prison lingo work in the metaphoric prison?

    1. Thank you! The lingo makes me laugh, but I don't think the kids really get it. They do pick up words like "hams" for butt and those kinds of things, so that's always amusing.

  14. Prison slang! Sweet! You should have gone on vacation with my family for the prison tour portion.