A million different things.
This year I have so many questions it's actually getting hard to Life.
|Not just THIS question.|
Once my son came along and started going to school, end of summer meant Back To Battling Homework. Some nights it took us hours. I know, it's not supposed to be that hard, and that's a long story. Still, at the end of summer I also felt glad to be back to a routine, a bit of a schedule which serves us both better, and also excited about the challenge of a new year. Is he ready?
Without really getting into it, Back to School is a tough time for some parents. Now with social media, watching all the 'normal' families post their smiling, happy Backpack and Getting on the Bus photos is a bit of a soulpunch. Having to have a plan in place with the school ahead of time helps you feel prepared, but you always feel unsure. Hopeful, but always doubting at the back of your mind.
Once he got to high school, each end of summer/new school year was a bit of a countdown. 4 more years, 3 more, 2 more.....Soon I would be done. I foolishly thought after high school, he would go on to take some additional classes or vocational training, or whatever on his own path to his future. What, when, and just how that was going to happen never really occurred to me to worry about.
Last year I was very excited as he was starting his journey at the community college. He was on his way! Of course I couldn't go with him, I couldn't do it for him, and he had a really hard time. Let's just say that this year, he's not going back or starting any journey with education. That doesn't mean anything other than what the words say, but it really makes me sad. Or scared maybe? Nervous?
That doesn't just mean a paycheck, but yes, we also do need a paycheck. If you're one of the lucky few, your place and your challenge will come with a paycheck.
For the rest of us, you find a way to get that paycheck in the least amount of your day possible, so you can do what you actually enjoy in your spare time. You just have to figure out one thing: What do I enjoy anymore?
Anyway, as he finds his way I have a feeling these next years will leave me feeling melancholy at the end of summer. Did I forget something? Did I mess up? Did I fail?
Luckily (?) enough, my middle child is starting her journey into education. Her father and I have pledged to put our girls' education at the very top of our list of things to worry about.
That's the parent quagmire: Am I agonizing over the right things? What is it that I'm not worrying about, that I'm missing?
So far she really enjoys school. She is smart, sweet and social. She likes to make people happy, make someone smile with a joke, or share her toys, she's amazing. I feel like she is really going to enjoy school. I loved school, and I never had half of her natural charm.
Maybe one day I'll be excited about the end of summer again. Instead of sad....and/or parent-guilty....and curious.
Do people know before they're going to have a nervous breakdown?
DID I leave the iron on?*
|Love this goofy bastard|
Oh, this was part of the mental-social experiment called "Finish The Sentence Friday." Click here to link up with some good people, great writers.