I mean the whole legality, or I guess ILlegality for some people, and the especially the ceremonial parts of it, have become so....expected?
Lame as Hell. Yeah, that.
Who decided these ceremonies have to be so damn boring? Why are we all just playing along like we like this?
In my defense I come from a big family and I've been to hundreds of weddings, and stood up to weddings in many different-colored lace, taffeta and other uncomfortable, non-flattering fabric dresses.
Once I even had to wear gloves AND carry a parasol. It was end of June, hotter than Haiti and guess what happens when a young child gets sweaty and is expected to carry a parasol wearing wet, slippery fancy gloves for HOURS of pictures? It's the recipe for Wedding Rage. And decades later I'm still a rage-aholic when it comes to boring weddings.
I know that people like traditions, but why do they all have to be exactly the same? Why can't we switch it up a bit, NOT do the same things ad nauseum?
Sure people have their themes, but they just go through the same motions in different clothes.
|Their vows are like, Leah: "I do." Han: "I know." from johnmichaelboling.com|
Would it ruin someone's life to have a Harry Potter wedding JUST ONCE? Would the very cable-knit sweater of society unravel if there was a Fiesta Wedding with a freaking taco bar?
Why can't we just stop it already with the bouquet and damn garter belt? You never even find these fake garters anywhere outside of pornos and weddings anymore. NO ONE WEARS THESE. They're stupid. How do I unsubscribe?
Well wedding-wise I Opted OUT by running away to Vegas to be married.
|My FIL, me, Husband, coked-out Elvis, my Diane-in-Law|
All that pressure is way too much for me.
My idea of a fun day would never involve white clothing. Just never, ever. Or the Chicken Dance, or any other synchronized dance. A giant pink gorilla? Apparently because this picture exists. I have no idea at what point I acquired a tiara or what happened to it. It's one of those Life Mysteries.
|From my wedding night. I have NO memory of this happening.|
I also think we're at the point in our society when we can pull the trigger on Online Weddings.
They already have wedding web sites. Why not have an option for people to follow along from home?
At least have that be an option.
People can watch short videos of the Big Day, some before, DURING and after, at the reception, from their homes if they can't make it to the actual wedding. Out of town family can laugh, judge your clothing choices and Toast the Happy Couple from home!
This could be an option for funerals, too. Because while we're at it, we really need to do something about funerals. I know, that will be a little more difficult for people to accept change but seriously. I know funerals are supposed to be
My BFF and I were talking about funerals in the super long line of people waiting to stare at the body, and it occurred to me....WHY?
I mean, I know WHY people need a wake/funeral for closure.
Humans needs some sort of Last Time you have to get dressed up and have people judge your looks, because PEOPLE, but why does it have to be so painful?
Can't we come in, talk to each other and have the deceased at the center or something? View as you please, along the evening.
Why do they all have to start with waiting in a GIANT LINE wearing uncomfortable shoes?
I've seen a news item on a funeral home with a Drive Through viewing window. Laugh if you will, but this is genius.
|The Robert L. Adams Funeral Parlor has had drive-through since 1974. from reuters.com|
We came up with the perfect funeral for any 80's kid. Stay with me here, but:
People can come in, talk to each other, have some nachos. What the hell isn't better with nachos?
You know what eases the pain of losing a loved one? Roller dancing to the hits of the 80's. Also Open bar. And candy for kids.
Some can skate, bring your own or use the rentals if you have the ankle strength. You don't have to skate, I mean we don't want Grandma causing a double-funeral, but you CAN.
And what's in the middle of the rink? The deceased.
Everyone can see him or her, under the beautiful strobing light of a disco ball. The way nature intended for us to leave this world.
|So beautiful. from xtcian.com|
The body could be in a big coffin, or something more original like Lionel Batiste, New Orleans drummer, who was standing straight up for his funeral. Much respect for this, Lionel.
|THIS is a man you'll never forget. from dailymail.co.uk|
After the eulogy words, anyone can share their own stories and whatnot. People who chose not to skate could come down on the floor and say their good-byes to the deceased, get a look at the final make-up and whatever people do when they pretend to pray while viewing the body.
Then all join hands and do that conga line thing in circles around the guest of honor.
|Aunt Sally would want this. from sierratoday.blogspot.com|
Then: It's an All Skate.
Wouldn't you be happier on your deathbed knowing this is what your final party would be like?