I mean the whole legality, or I guess ILlegality for some people, and the especially the ceremonial parts of it, have become so....expected?
Lame as Hell. Yeah, that.
Who decided these ceremonies have to be so damn boring? Why are we all just playing along like we like this?
In my defense I come from a big family and I've been to hundreds of weddings, and stood up to weddings in many different-colored lace, taffeta and other uncomfortable, non-flattering fabric dresses.
Once I even had to wear gloves AND carry a parasol. It was end of June, hotter than Haiti and guess what happens when a young child gets sweaty and is expected to carry a parasol wearing wet, slippery fancy gloves for HOURS of pictures? It's the recipe for Wedding Rage. And decades later I'm still a rage-aholic when it comes to boring weddings.
I know that people like traditions, but why do they all have to be exactly the same? Why can't we switch it up a bit, NOT do the same things ad nauseum?
Sure people have their themes, but they just go through the same motions in different clothes.
|Their vows are like, Leah: "I do." Han: "I know." from johnmichaelboling.com|
Would it ruin someone's life to have a Harry Potter wedding JUST ONCE? Would the very cable-knit sweater of society unravel if there was a Fiesta Wedding with a freaking taco bar?
Why can't we just stop it already with the bouquet and damn garter belt? You never even find these fake garters anywhere outside of pornos and weddings anymore. NO ONE WEARS THESE. They're stupid. How do I unsubscribe?
Well wedding-wise I Opted OUT by running away to Vegas to be married.
|My FIL, me, Husband, coked-out Elvis, my Diane-in-Law|
All that pressure is way too much for me.
My idea of a fun day would never involve white clothing. Just never, ever. Or the Chicken Dance, or any other synchronized dance. A giant pink gorilla? Apparently because this picture exists. I have no idea at what point I acquired a tiara or what happened to it. It's one of those Life Mysteries.
|From my wedding night. I have NO memory of this happening.|
I also think we're at the point in our society when we can pull the trigger on Online Weddings.
They already have wedding web sites. Why not have an option for people to follow along from home?
At least have that be an option.
People can watch short videos of the Big Day, some before, DURING and after, at the reception, from their homes if they can't make it to the actual wedding. Out of town family can laugh, judge your clothing choices and Toast the Happy Couple from home!
This could be an option for funerals, too. Because while we're at it, we really need to do something about funerals. I know, that will be a little more difficult for people to accept change but seriously. I know funerals are supposed to be
My BFF and I were talking about funerals in the super long line of people waiting to stare at the body, and it occurred to me....WHY?
I mean, I know WHY people need a wake/funeral for closure.
Humans needs some sort of Last Time you have to get dressed up and have people judge your looks, because PEOPLE, but why does it have to be so painful?
Can't we come in, talk to each other and have the deceased at the center or something? View as you please, along the evening.
Why do they all have to start with waiting in a GIANT LINE wearing uncomfortable shoes?
I've seen a news item on a funeral home with a Drive Through viewing window. Laugh if you will, but this is genius.
|The Robert L. Adams Funeral Parlor has had drive-through since 1974. from reuters.com|
We came up with the perfect funeral for any 80's kid. Stay with me here, but:
People can come in, talk to each other, have some nachos. What the hell isn't better with nachos?
You know what eases the pain of losing a loved one? Roller dancing to the hits of the 80's. Also Open bar. And candy for kids.
Some can skate, bring your own or use the rentals if you have the ankle strength. You don't have to skate, I mean we don't want Grandma causing a double-funeral, but you CAN.
And what's in the middle of the rink? The deceased.
Everyone can see him or her, under the beautiful strobing light of a disco ball. The way nature intended for us to leave this world.
|So beautiful. from xtcian.com|
The body could be in a big coffin, or something more original like Lionel Batiste, New Orleans drummer, who was standing straight up for his funeral. Much respect for this, Lionel.
|THIS is a man you'll never forget. from dailymail.co.uk|
After the eulogy words, anyone can share their own stories and whatnot. People who chose not to skate could come down on the floor and say their good-byes to the deceased, get a look at the final make-up and whatever people do when they pretend to pray while viewing the body.
Then all join hands and do that conga line thing in circles around the guest of honor.
|Aunt Sally would want this. from sierratoday.blogspot.com|
Then: It's an All Skate.
Wouldn't you be happier on your deathbed knowing this is what your final party would be like?
Ah, this could not have been posted at a better time. This is the EXACT reason why I, as reverend of Brandon's upcoming wedding, wrote a fun ceremony. It's lighthearted, it's funny, and best of all - it's 10 minutes. Really. I mean, if I wanted to listen to someone drone on and on in a monotone voice using a dialect of English that hasn't been around for 150 years I'd just go to church.ReplyDelete
I'm waiting for that interpretive dance portion video to go viral. I'll be marrying some friends in March. As a reverend I mean, not becoming a polygamist. So I'm looking to you for example.Delete
These are the best ideas to ever happen to the two most expensive events in a person's life. I love you even harder now that I know that you were married in Vegas. I mean, my favorite place and you, together, doing important things and hanging with a pink gorilla. That is such a Hell, Yea! FUNerals; They need to be drive through. Then we can judge the cars people drive.ReplyDelete
You are so hilarious. From Fiesta Wedding w/ Taco Bar to respecting Lionel to All Skate I laughed like a crazy woman all the way through.
I knew I loved you Patti! And I hope when the day comes for my roller funeral you can be there! Or at least watch it online.Delete
Online all the way. That way I can toast you and drink like crazy in your honor.Delete
I hate weddings. I've been a bridesmaid in so many weddings. 27 Dresses ain't got nothing on me. I was even the maid of honor in my husband's ex girlfriend's wedding. Can we just stop with all of it? I mean now that we have facebook, instagram, and all of the other social media outlets, isn't that enough for the narcissist in all of us? I mean them. I'm married. I'm done with all of that. But just yesterday, my nephew got engaged...so now...another wedding. Dammit!ReplyDelete
I'm not sure if I respect you or pity you or what for going to your husband's ex's wedding. I can't wrap my tiny head around that. I hear you on the 27 crappy dresses. Didn't watch that movie because I lived it. My sisters dresses were hooker red lace and the bottom looked like it was ripped. I should find a picture, it's like a costume for a Western hooker in the worst porn ever. And again, they're ALL THE SAME CEREMONY!Delete
After working for a party/wedding rental place last year, I decided that when I finally do get married, it will be simple. My folks would KILL me if I went to Vegas, but I want simple, I want as cheap as I can go while still maintaining my dignity.ReplyDelete
Good luck with that! Hopefully no one will give you guilt trips about inviting certain people. And then if you invite THIS person, you just HAVE to invite THAT person, and so on!Delete
We went small, less than 10 people. In my BIL's dining room. I'm an ordained Dudeist priest now. So, I told the BFF that I get to do her wedding. We're not doing funerals either. When my guy kicks it, I'm taking his ashes on an epic road trip. Maybe he won't hate hotels as bad after he kicks it.ReplyDelete
I like your style! For our Vegas wedding, we invited family but told them we couldn't afford to pay for their trips, maybe just buy em dinner. Surprisingly people actually showed up! A perfect group, super fun.Delete
I got ordained online. Friends from my charity actually trust me to do their wedding this coming March. I'm nervous for them, but I shall do my best. I like your idea of a Road Trip, that's awesome. Maybe I'll copy that and do the same thing I did for my wedding, just tell everyone they're welcome to join us....on their own dime ;)
I'm just trying to picture a roller skating funeral, with the Bee Gees 'Staying alive' playing in the background.ReplyDelete
Btw, posted a post with the same title...it bombed spectacularly.
Nice song choice!Delete
Really? Sorry, didn't mean to copy you. Sorry it bombed, but I bet it still got more clicks than any of my posts! I stopped looking at those numbers a long time ago. I don't get it. A lot of it is timing, etc. I just post what I can when I can, and if 11 people see it, well THANKS to all 11 of you :)
My first wedding we did the whole nine yards. That marriage lasted four years. My second marriage we didn't tell anybody and just went down to the courthouse and had a judge do it. That marriage lasted 12 years. There will be no third marriage. I'll just live in sin, IF I decide to live with anyone. That's FOREVER!!ReplyDelete
And I told my family that if my funeral doesn't have at least one keg at it and somebody lighting farts with a blowtorch by the end of the night, I wasn't going.
Yay SIN! It's my color. My first marriage, same deal. I didn't want a big wedding, but as with everything I had NO say in what I was involved in during that whole relationship. My 2nd marriage? The WHOLE thing is a partnership, where we BOTH get to discuss what we want, what we need, what we can live with, it's a whole different way of life that I really love. The only reason we brought paperwork into it and actually got married is because we wanted to have kids and yes, I know you don't HAVE to be married to have kids, but take it from a single mom everything is a lot more complicated in our world right now, unfortunately.Delete
If I'm invited to your funeral, I will make sure that happens. Even if I have to take one for the team. You're welcome.
My wedding was fun! It was over in less than 40 minutes (which was 20 minutes longer than we really wanted it to be). No kids in it. No solos. No unity candle. (We were old when we got married, and we just wanted to cut to the chase.) Our reception was a brunch and it was fun and relaxed.ReplyDelete
That sounds awesome! Very different with the brunch, and being relaxed! Good for you.Delete
I think you should become an Events Planner. Seriously! I'd hire you!ReplyDelete
And for YOU Debra, I would fly to Canada to plan your events. Yes, I know we could just as easily talk about it via Skype and whatnot, but it gives me an excuse to go to Canada. Always wanted to try Tim Horton's.Delete
Great post! I think you should be a funeral planner...is there such a thing? You're right on the boring traditions of weddings. Mine, in 1987 was terrible and no fun at all at least for me. My groom showed up half cut. Well, it ended in divorce, big surprise. I had to stop over and say from michelle's rubber shoes blog. :)ReplyDelete
Thanks, glad you liked it. I can't even tell you HOW MANY weddings I've heard the bride and/or bride's side of the family complaining about the groom & groomsmen drinking BEFORE the wedding. These events are obviously NO FUN for the grooms. Glad you came by, nice to 'meet' you, kind of.Delete
We don't really do the viewing thing over here in the UK... at least, I don't think so. We're big on closed casket... sure, it means it's really easy for everyone to fake their own death and then cremate and empty coffin as proof BUT we don't have to look at dead bodies so often. And any day where you don't see a dead body is a good day in my book.ReplyDelete
Loving your ideas though, think you should get that intellectual property protected FAST and then head on down to Dragon's Den with that shit... Oh wait, do you guys have Dragons Den in the US? ... I just looked it up, you do, it's called Shark Tank. Shark Tank? REALLY?! Okay, anyway, you should totally go on that show with your ice-rink 80's disco nacho bar funeral parlour idea :)
Another reason we're so weird here. Whenever I've been at a closed casket funeral, I can't STOP wondering what the fudge is going ON under there that we can't see. No matter how bad a corpse looks, it seems like we NEED to see that for our closure, or something. I know, weird.Delete
I have NO idea WHY we call it Shark Tank. Sharks don't seem to know a damn thing about investing money or start-up businesses. I like Dragon's Den much better. At least in fairy tales, dragons guard large amounts of gold, that makes SENSE. My husband plays the lottery every week, the same lottery numbers that his grandfather played his whole life, under the "it could happen" principle, so I feel like if this is meant to happen we will win that lottery. And MAKE it happen!
Boooooo! I'm sad that this isn't going to become a reality that someone then makes a documentary about or writes a Huffington Post article about. I can't fault your reasons though, it does sound like a lot of work when compared with just winning the lottery.Delete
Well in the unlikely event that I ever magically wake up and don't feel like garbage in the morning, mayhaps I will put something together just to go on Shark Tank. It could be a fun story, and probably a pretty good blog post. But since I can barely get dressed and get my kid to school these days, not likely. Sorry. You just missed being the 1,000,000th person I've disappointed this year, not that it would have come with prizes.Delete
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We saw those drive-through weddings and thought about it, but we had JUST a couple too many people with us to fit anywhere but a stretch limo. Plus I REALLY wanted an Elvis impersonator for some reason. Ours was super coked-out and didn't even get the songs right, but it was funny. 'MURICA!!ReplyDelete
A funeral home near where I live actually DOES THIS! So flippin' disrespectful, if you want MY opinion! (Which I am SURE anyone in their right mind WOULD...!) LOLReplyDelete
There are certain people, mostly in my family, that avoid these kinds of things. If they had a drive-through option, THOSE kinds of people would actually go, and get their closure.Delete
The way I look at it, depending on the couple, weddings and funerals are pretty much the same thing considering most of those marriages will be dead within five years anyway!ReplyDelete
Also, my gal's brother and sis in law did the Vegas wedding thing. Best everrrrr!
hahaha that is true far too much of the time. Life gets busy, people stop putting effort into the marriage, and life in general. It's hard, people forget that a relationship takes work. Like Life. Exhausting.Delete
Vegas rules. That is my kind of reverence.
I hope you're warning your loved ones to invest in some roller skates at some point. Nobody wants to wear rented skates when they are grieving.ReplyDelete
You're a wise woman, Kate. My sister works at a resale shop, so hopefully she can start stocking up. I got my favorite pair there for Halloween, and even though they were 2 sizes too big, I wore the crap out of those for years.Delete
I need an 80's theme funeral when I die. But definitely not the drive-thru viewing. Bitches need to get out of their cars to come see me!!ReplyDelete
And I'm SURE they will. They'll want to get an up-close look at your final hair color, see if you've made a return to the GROOVY machine, and all that kind of thing!Delete