Xfinity = Evil, Pt 2: Comcast Kills Puppies

This is the conclusion of last week's rant about our cable company. I know, how dare I lay down a hashtag-First World Problem during the month of Thankful posts, but that's where I live and apparently how I roll. Besides, this company is uniquely remarkable at being terrible. 

Call this a review of Comcast/Xfinity's service and specifically their new X1 product. Spoiler: It's Gold >VIP< Level not worth the money and aggravation. Don't be tempted by the devil's favorite new fruit: Technology. They may offer the latest and greatest, but you'll be sorry you got sucked in.
I'm sure every area has their own evil cable company, so evile that you pronounce it 'ev-eeel like the fru-eets of the deveeel" but Comcast especially takes the cake. 


An antenna company called Antennas Direct SENT them a cake for all the business they sent to the antenna company. Customers so SICK of Comcast, they sought out and paid for antennas.  
from comcastsucksballs.blogspot.com
Mayhaps you heard about the viral customer service call that was an Xfinity 18-minutes long? An employee of AOL called to cancel service and was kept on the phone for an Xfinity, and verbally assaulted. If you click the link, you can hear the last 8 minutes of the call. The caller started recording after 10 minutes of verbal abuse. 

I can't get into every bad experience I've had. There are too many. My horrible experience starts from the day they were supposed to connect my service, which I took a half day off work given their time frame, and wound up having to take a whole day. When it eventually did work? It was wonky at best. I spent hours and hours on hold trying to report problems, the many internet and cable outages, and ask about the never-ending price increases. I too was eventually abused when I cancelled service. 

The call itself was torture, eventually ending with them saying they said they would send me a box to return their equipment, and they never did. I called a few times. Luckily I didn't go "Office Space" like I wanted to and smash the cable box. I packed and moved it, because when we tried to active service at our new house? They tried to say we owed them over $500 in equipment we never returned. True story.

There are locations where you can drop off equipment, and the lines at those locations? Make you miss the lines at the DMV. At least the DMV have chairs. The employees have chairs, which makes you wonder why they're so angry when you finally get to the front of a line, holding their equipment. Hey man, you're sitting down AND getting paid. I think they pay them anyway.

In fairness, one guy was delightful once. One guy ever. The rest? Must be serving out their karmic community service as punishment for a lifetime of pure evil before waiting their entry into Hell. 

If you type "Comcast sucks" into a search engine, you will have enough reading material to never require a television until the day you die.
Google response:
About 1,240,000 results (0.66 seconds)
But if you click "images" you get beauties like this. margotsmiddlefinger.com
When you try to call to report a problem, you may as well take a personal day from work and start drinking. You could write up a Kickstarter campaign, raise your own money, hire your own crew, MAKE your own show or movie in less time than it takes to resolve an issue with Crap-cast.

They offer additional "products" like On Demand, for one example. The idea of this is fantastic. You can go to there and allegedly see shows and movies whenever YOU want, you don't have to wait for a certain time or channel. Genius right? 

Except they managed to make that horrible. You can't watch EVERY show, meaning mostly not the shows or movies you would ever actually WANT to watch. I get that a lot of that has to do with the networks, but even the shows they offer OnDemand don't appear right away. They are anywhere from 1 week to 3 weeks after the date they aired. 

Also? Commercials. 

Not only are there commercials on a cable network, wait isn't that why we PAY for effing cable? 
To not have commericals? 
They do not allow you to fast forward through the commercials. 

If you pay them extra additional money for a Digital Video Recorder, or DVR (like Tivo, but worse) you can fast forward through commercials there, but with X1 it magically doesn't seem to always work. Sometimes it immediately brings you to the end, or back to the beginning of the show in endless loop of insanity.
from cherrybombed.com
And again, DVR is an extra charge. For EACH box. Every month. And it goes up. Almost every month. 

Every month or so they raise their price just a little bit. Sometimes just pennies. You hardly notice it. Until a year or so goes by and your bill has suddenly gone up substantially. 

You're not getting anything additional, you're just somehow paying more. You can call to complain, and if you hold out for the time it takes to get to a human being, they will actually lower your bill. That is relatively easy, other than waiting on hold for an Xfinity.

Why do they play this game? 
They're gambling you won't call. 

Most people don't have the patience. They're like a kid who stole money out of your wallet and when caught, just shrug and say,
"You got me!" and give you the money back. 

Well, they don't give you the money back, they will never give you any money back. They will just lower your bill moving forward or give you more channels. AFTER trying to talk you into a bigger package, always that. So you call to complain about they are ROBBING YOU, but yes let's totally hear about additional ways you can steal my money. This must work or they wouldn't continue to constantly do it. 

After they called to offer "their best customers a sneak peek at their latest product" I promptly listed several reasons why I didn't want to give them any more money. My lovely a-hole husband actually called them back and agreed to GIVE THEM MORE MONEY. Are we on a tight budget? Yes, yes we are. 

Is this a huge waste of time and money? Yes, yes it is. He and they were bragging how their brand spankin (oh, it spanks us all right) new service x1 is SO GREAT. We get hundreds more (crappy) channels for only $8 more every month. 
Plus tax. 
Plus rate increases. 
And it will be even more than that in a year when their "free HBO for a year" deal is over. 

Oh and we also get a landline for that price. Yay a phone that never stops ringing with telemarketing calls DURING AN ELECTION YEAR. That's just what my sanity needs. Great idea. At least we're spending MONEY on it.

So while he keeps telling me how many more channels we have to watch, I continue to experience the bugs of their new service. Here is a screen shot of just one of their very helpful error messages.
Really? I hadn''t noticed.
We have problems "connecting" at times...

...and watching recorded shows, and several with OnDemand shows on channels we're supposed to have. You try to watch and they want to CHARGE YOU to watch what you're supposed to get, or you get an error.

We also had to call because yet again we could not get Sesame Street anywhere OnDemand. That's right, the 40+ year old show Sesame Street that is literally made by public broadcasting, whose mission is NOT to make a profit, but instead to educate children around the world. 

Crime-cast is CHARGING people, people that already pay them for cable, to watch this FREE SHOW.

We now have at LEAST two channels that show Sesame Street, PBS and Sprout, but when we try to watch it OnDemand? They want us to PAY EXTRA TO WATCH IT. 

You bet we called and ripped em a new one. We were on hold so long my husband's mobile phone battery died. In order to try to avoid a brain tumor, we then started an online service ticket about it. Over an hour of back and forth later, sending us downstairs to check the downstairs box, which also does not work right, they told us they would get back to us. 

4 days later they left us a voicemail to check it, and *voila* it finally works. We can FINALLY view a show that airs on Public Broadcast Television. FOR freaking FREE. 
I KNEW IT! from iap-tv.com
Another great (horrendous) new tech offering? Their phone app. Get this, the idea is that you can watch shows on your phone, on the go. Forget that you have to have a strong 4G signal or it doesn't work, we do and it doesn't work well in OUR BACKYARD, and forget that of course not ALL the shows are on it, because OF COURSE THEY AREN'T. 

Guess what you can watch?


Product commercials, cable commercials for their channels and their shows. And no, of course you can't fast forward through them. OF COURSE YOU CAN'T, America. 

I tried to find the show "2 Broke Girls." This is a show that's on regular network television. cbs or abc I believe. Any hooker with rabbit ears in a cinderblock apartment can get this show. 
But can we? 
We, that agreed to pay them yet MORE MONEY for this crap? 
Show not found. 
I tried Colbert Report on Comedy Central: Nope. 
Daily Show, etc. etc. etc.
Show Not Found.
Screen shot b/c my husband didn't believe me.

They brag that you can download recorded shows from your cable box to your mobile device to watch anywhere. Unless of course, you have my phone, or any device on the long list of devices that are NOT COMPATIBLE with their software.

When you start to type "x1 app" into a search engine, know what automatically comes up? You guessed it. It fills in "...not working" before you even finish typing.
Notice 1: I only typed "x1 app" and the first 2 things that pop up are "sucks" and "not working"
Notice 2: The 2nd tab opened to "Comcast Sucks Balls" 
My husband, in his never-ending attempt to drive me insane updated the O/S on my phone so I can watch all of these commercials 'on the go' and my phone is completely screwed now. Not only did my contacts get deleted, the app doesn't even work. I can't take a screen shot of it because every time I try to do anything it locks up my entire phone. 

I can occasionally watch "live" TV by literally scrolling through channels live. With commercials. Even that has an unnatural amount of "Buffering" that makes you long for Netflix buffering. 

Okay, I have to wrap this up. There is plenty more, but you get the idea. Don't bother. Don't be one of the first to fall for their new product, and then be the guinea pigs working out the many bugs.

Watch Netflix, read books, read my blog, avoid the Comcast Xfinity blood pressure-raising nightmare. At all costs. 
For television I recommend streaming Netflix. We've never had a problem, except the occasional lag time during high traffic times. To avoid this, you can pull Netflix through something like the Wii, it downloads ahead of time for less lag during whatever you're watching.

We tried Hulu and Hulu Plus and I never heard of 90% of the shows and movies, plus there are commercials.

NO COMMERCIALS ever on Netflix! You can't really rewind or fast forward with any degree of accuracy, but there aren't any commercials to fast forward through, and again it's less than $10/month WITHOUT COMMERCIALS. 

I'm Joy Christi and I fully endorse Netflix.


  1. I find it funny (as in odd) that someone who works at AOL bitches about customer service. :)

    Dear God in Heaven,

    Comcast takeover of Time Warner Cable. A plague of locusts or Spiritual Warfare by the Prince of Darkness will do just fine.

    Fearless Leader

    1. I would recommend ANYTHING over going that route, including an Etch-A-Sketch.
      I find it funny AOL still exists! I have one friend who still has an AOL email, I giggle every time I send her an email. I also don't expect a prompt response. Naturally.

  2. I like Netflix too but in Canada we don't get as wide a selection as on American Netflix. Still good though.

    1. Oh that stinks! Did you try streaming? Or the disks by mail? I wasn't a fan of the mail service. Some of the disks we got were scratched. I love the streaming though.

  3. I just love that line about the guy being on the phone "for an Xfinity." That's gold.

    I have nothing to add to this, as I already mentioned being pro-streaming, but just want to remind you that my post today WAS said by someone who is a full time Comcast employee. Just let that sink in.

    1. Wait, YOU are a full-time Comcast employee?? How can that be? You don't seem evil.

    2. No, not me - I'd never work there. Candi with an I. All of those things said in today's post were said by someone who is a full time Comcast employee (she told us). And we wonder why they can't even troubleshoot basic equipment. Most days they can't even troubleshoot themselves.

    3. That makes more sense. Wow, I wonder if Candi w/an I will continue to work at Comcast when she's President of the US. I mean, she can still take calls, and just leave people on hold all day. I doubt anyone would notice the difference.

  4. Hahaha you are so hilarious even when you are being fugged by an enormous prick like Comc*nt. I binged-watched Sons of Anarchy all weekend long. Four hours on Saturday and 9 on Sunday and guess what? No commercials, no lagging, no disconnecting. How did this miracle happen? Why, I was watching NETFLIX all weekend, that's how.

    1. Woohoo! You're actually pretty lucky, a lot of times on Friday night - Sunday night, we'll have some buffering unless we pull everything through the Wii. STILL better than Crimecast!

  5. I just signed up for Netflix this weekend after going a couple of years without.

    1. Netflix is so much better. We didn't have any cable or anything for years before my husband took us to the dark side. Looking back, that was the HAPPIEST time of my life.

  6. AT&T just raised my bill for internet and cable to 240 bucks a month after the 1 year contract...I was considering going back to comcast, which I left because it sucked then...now it sounds even worse...ugh.. I guess I better call AT&T and ask for a new deal or something before I go to hell...i mean comcast!

    1. YIKES!! I would call both and make them fight against each other. You can usually negotiate anything. Comcast will give you a great deal for one year, if they raise your price too high after that, call AT&T and see if they'll make it worth your while to call back. It's a hassle to switch, but it beats paying those crazy prices!

  7. "Any hooker with rabbit ears in a cinderblock apartment can get this show."
    lol… the visual made my day (no, now that I read this in print, I'm not quite sure why that is…) (oh well)

    market share… that is the benefit of the new economy (new economy motto: 'we have customers, who gives a shit? we want only new customers!')
    ayiie… thank god for the blogpshere and books

    1. Ha! I should probably tell you the hooker and apartment I was describing was ME in my first apartment that I lived in all by myself. I talked about it in the first part of this post. It was THEE crappiest apartment, but because it was MINE and just MINE, of course I loved it. And had NO cable TV! And it was the happiest time of my life!
      I'm with you, thank all the gods for books and blogs!

  8. Comcast is definitely evil. I call them every time they randomly hike my rate and threaten to go to Verizon Fios until they bring it back down again. I've also gotten secret code which programs my dvr remote to skip forward 30 seconds (the length of one commercial). Greatest thing ever.

    1. That's the secret, you have to call them and make them lower it. Like a deadbeat dad w/child support.
      I Googled that code! I couldn't make it work w/my new system, but it's hard to concentrate on anything w/all these little screamers around.

  9. I'm retaining my right to smugness #NoTv

    1. As well you should. You published author, you!

  10. Is it wrong I enjoyed your cable troubles so much? I almost don't want them to stop b/c this post was was too fucking funny. One of my favorite lines: "If you type "Comcast sucks" into a search engine, you will have enough reading material to never require a television until the day you die." Or that you could launch a Kick Starter campaign, hire a crew, make a movie & watch it all b/4 you get a representative on the line. Why? Why did your husband call them BACK? You don't call back. Ever. You narrowly escaped. You don't call them to torture you after you've gotten away! But I will say my husband has to have ALL the channels. Out of that, I watch maybe 3. (Oh, and, FB make me grumpy, too. I saw ur post on The Next Delusion. And I was like "Me too!" I'm happier w/o FB. IT drives me crazy except for the cat video parts & the parts about Shane at Walmart. Did u see that? Shane will make u laugh: http://www.dailyviralstuff.com/the-hilarious-story-of-shane-the-walmart-deli-guy-told-through-notes-from-his-boss/

    1. It's not wrong, I have to laugh at our issues as well, which is why I shared them. My husband, other than determined to slowly drive me insane, thinks having ALL THE CHANNELS will be beneficial to me during the day. I'm a work at home parent, I watch extra kids and in the winter we're stuck inside most of the day. However, what he fails to realize is that no kids, and especially not OUR kids, are going to actually let me just watch a show. That isn't animated and/or containing a muppet. So, his whole thing was getting another DVR so I can watch shows in the basement in the morning on the treadmill, and his IDEA was that I could watch shows on my phone when they're playing outside. However, as you can see from the photos, my phone app not only rarely works, it doesn't get any shows I actually would watch. He's always defending Comcast, so now he says that's just my phone :)
      I have to look into Shane from Wal-Mart. I did see Alex from Target, which I still don't really get, but Shane is probably hysterical.

    2. Yeah, I didn't get Alex frm Target either. He blew up b/c someone took a photo & posted it & girls thought he was cute? Ok. Shane is hysterical (although u never see Shane. You just see the notes his bosses at Walmart leave him about his antics.) I love how your husband thinks ur gonna be able to watch shows WHILE the kids are w/ u. I didn't start watching TV again (seriously) until my older kid turned 10. There's a whole decade of my life lost to popular culture. I didn't see a movie or even know what was playing for 10 yrs. Basically I have no memory of the 1st decade of this century.

    3. Those notes to Shane are hysterical. Shane is my spirit animal. I pinned & tweeted that page. Too funny! I need more Shanes in my life. I hear you on pop culture. It's another reason I avoid FB on Monday, people put spoilers in their statuses of shows when I'm 3 years behind. Makes me want to comment with everyone I know of that died in the Game of Thrones books! Hahaha

  11. Wow! I felt stressed just from reading your post! Thank god they don't exist here.
    Here, it's T-Mobile that are eveel incarnate. I'm on the phone to them so many times that I should be allowed shares in their company..

    1. I've seen some people.post on hold times to tagtalk to their mobile carriers, nutso! One was 47 minute call! Ugh.

  12. When I was visiting my cousin, he had Hulu and Netflix instead of cable. (well, I guess he still HAS it, not like he just had it for the three days I was there.) We pretty much watched movies the entire weekend. When I get my own place, that is probably what I will do. However, at my parents' house, we cannot, because their TV is about 40 years old.

    1. I think they could still get Netflix if they can set up a BluRay player. There is something called Roku that will pull it through too.

  13. I'm thinkin' we should start a support group for Comcast survivors. I had them when I lived in Colorado and experienced the same $500 charge for unreturned equipment when I tried to re-connect . . . on equipment THAT I RETURNED, in person, at the Comcast place, where I specifically asked if there was anything else I needed to do and was told that "Nope, you're good!"

    Now here in Tampa, we have Brighthouse (an offshoot of Time Warner). It isn't bad. No "bells and whistles" and seems to be fairly affordable and the only major problem is that when the power goes out (it's Florida, so that is frequent) it takes two days for the system to get fully back online and you watch shows that randomly pause for ten minutes at a time, only to resume ten minutes further ahead causing you to miss half the show.

    Maybe an antenna isn't such a bad idea.

    1. I'm down for that support group! If you're in Florida just don't get the damn dish.

  14. I remember Comcast drama from when I was living in Philly. Myself and pretty much everyone I knew chose to go entirely without TV because we could not deal with Comcast. And as for boxes being returned, one of my buddies made the guy at the Comcast dropoff sign an affidavit in front of a notary (his friend he brought with him) stating that he had dropped off the cablebox.