However if you hate giant evil corporations that constantly swindle good people out of their hard-earned cash, please help me spread the word.
In a word: Comcast.
2nd word: Sucks.
Implied: Balls full time.
|This is THEE MOST RAPEY van ever, but they rape grown people with their service and rates.|
From a blog called ... wait for it...Comcastsucksballs.blogspot.com
That is a link for more glorious, and totally TRUE rants about Com-crap.
Because that is what is even LONGER than INFINITY.
Which is how long you'll wait for them to:
Do what you pay for;
Provide any kind of service;
Update their gee-dee OnDemand suckhole;
Put you through to a person on the phone, when inevitably one or more of their products doesn't perform as promised, and you have to starting the long process to try to get what you already paid for.
They recently swindled my husband for yet more money on their latest hoax: The X1 whatever it is. What it actually is, is an even more advanced way for them to control what you see, when, and how you watch, and also throw more commercials at your face. How can a cable company force you to watch commercials? I'll get to that.
My husband just thinks I'm a cheapo, and admittedly I may be a bit jaded against this particularly expensive secret satanic succubus of a company. I started thinking about why I hate them so very much. I mean, I like the concept of television. I like high-speed internet. I'm generally a fan of technology. That is to say, I like it when it actually does improve our lives as it promises while steepling it's fingers and dreaming of stealing our hard-earned money.
I feel like I should provide a little bit of personal history before I go all Dave Savini and expose their shoddy business practices, and thinly-veiled robbery. That's only fair, right?
I'll admit the entire concept of paying for television hasn't sat well with me for decades. I've never had much of what marketers call disposable income. In my adult life, I never had cable most of the time before my husband. As a single mom it was not something I ever cared about.
|Our first "remote." You could NEVER lose this remote! It was always on the coffee table. |
It was the only thing that would FIT on the entire table. from blog.tulsatvmemories.com
|Right?! from 8tracks.com|
Also? While we're strapped into the way-back machine and my old wrinkled hand is turning into a fist to shake, can I just point out that back then MTV had music videos.
And only music videos.
Well, a little bullshittery labeled "Music News" from the VJ's, but no reality shows or pregnant teens or anything else I hear about today. Eventually they had silly game shows kind of about music, but mostly music videos. It was a great time to be alive.
I could spin yarns about the awesome 80's, it's TV shows and candy disguised as breakfast cereal all damn day, but I'll save those stories for my grandkids. Or maybe at least just until I finish my rant about the cable company.
At some point in my early 20's, I knew a guy that 'knew a guy' and we had this magic black box that would get us every single cable channel for free. It also magically-slash-illegally unlocked every Pay-Per-View movie and fight! That was awesome. Cable television is worth every single penny when you're stealing it. Morally it's not stealing, it's a drop in the Karma Bucket of how this company needs to be painfully penetrated in every possible orifice.
He eventually got sick of slumming in my cinder block prison style apartment, where technology and cell phone coverage came to die. It was a tiny, cheap place that I had to paint myself when I moved in because I didn't have enough in my savings account to cover a deposit. They gave me the paint though! Bonus.
Cheap tip: You can negotiate ANYTHING.
Anyway, this apartment was about the worst. I literally chose it because it had thee cheapest rent in my son's school district. I've talked about the registered sex offender 2 buildings over, the horrible tiny laundry room, and how it backed up (10 yards away, tops) to a strip mall with a bar.
Most nights you could hear a loud clattering of broken glass when the bar emptied the garbage cans of beer bottles into the dumpster. Having music or TV on to drown out that sound a little was very helpful.
I loved that crappy apartment though. Because of reasons that would take up a whole post, at least, mostly because it was ALL MINE. My name alone was on the lease. It was just me and my son for the first time since he was born.
I could do whatever I want, as long it was appropriate to take a small boy along, whenever I wanted. We could come and go as we saw fit. We went everywhere, did all the things, visited everyone, I took him volunteering and felt like a long-term parolee finally out of prison and into the sun for the first time in decades. Prison being my first marriage.
I felt like we didn't need to pay for cable television because when we were home at our apartment, we spent all our time either working on his homework or finding any other place to do our laundry. Also, everything in my apartment was crap. It was all previously owned and thrown away by someone else.
Remember the old toaster that would SHOOT the toast in the air? Yeah, that was rad. I'll post a link to that at the end if you missed it, it was fantastic. It was the Dream: The Toast Dream.
We borrowed DVDs from the library, which were FREE! And also Lion Video, which was cheap, and ALL KIDS MOVIES WERE FREE with a rental of a non-kid movie.
The other tiny TV, like everything else I owned, either came from a resale shop or my dad found it in the garbage. Probably the latter.
|Like this, but my TV was older and smaller.|
It fit on a corner of my dresser. from sodahead.com
The TV had the rabbit ears with tin foil on the top, yes post-Y2K, and we got 2, sometimes 3 channels on a clear day.
It seemed beyond ridiculous to pay for cable for these tiny televisions, for the small amount of time we would actually watch television.
But oh yeah, my manfriend. I didn't have a land phone line or internet connection, so my boy-man-friend was unable to track his four - yes 4 - fantasy football leagues.
Talk about the real hashtag-struggle. White guys, right?
Anyway, I guess he was feeling cocky after finally being able to meet my son, SIX MONTHS after we were dating, or else mayhaps he always wanted to play Sugar Daddy so he paid for cable. But only during football season. Let's not forget my Prince Charming was/is a pretty huge a-hole. I'm not saying I'm just saying. I mean, we wouldn't have fallen in love if he wasn't.
Well, by the time football season was over my lawyer was finally able to squeeze blood from a turnip and I finally got my divorce settlement, and I had bought my own condo.
In hindsight, if I had co-habitated with the manfriend, I would have saved myself a giant pile of money. Not only on cable, but also the thousands upon thousands it costed to buy and sell a condo at the worst possible time in human history.
This was right before the housing market crash. No one saw that coming. I don't care what your sketchy uncle says that never could get a loan to own anything for himself: NO ONE SAW THAT COMING, Bro.
Anyway, once Daddy Warbucks stopped paying for cable, I decided to cough up the dough myself and we got used to having cable again. I was almost glad to be hooked to the Boob Tube. I could use the appeal of television to bribe my son to do his homework a little faster.
Also, being a homeowner meant budgeting, and not going out as much. It was nice to have choices of entertainment while home in my OWN HOME that I owned, and beamed with pride about. I bought a clearance computer and we even had INTERNET ACCESS. I felt like an heiress.
|Not THAT heiress. Well, not that far actually....|
I did have only ONE male companion. At that time.
image from landoverbaptist.net
|F'real, Dory. from allaboutgiulia dotwordpress dotcom|
When I was newly single, my mother and I rented a townhouse and she had THE DISH. Have you had The Dish? It's a good idea, until it rains or there's so much as a light breeze. Then the picture gets all fuzzy or just doesn't work at all.
Somehow the picture went fuzzy at the end of baseball season. When our Chicago White Sox were in the WORLD SERIES. I thought my husband's head was going to explode.
|These thieves also cancel whole networks without warning.|
Somehow I didn't 'know a guy' who could get us an illegal box, or maybe I tried to convince myself I was better than that (hahahahaha) so I sucked the Comcast overpriced teet. This started my hate/white.hot.hate relationship with C*ntcast.
This picture b-the-w is from Finding Nemo, a very popular Disney movie. The only way you can see this movie on Comcast? Is if you pay them $20. That's $20 ON TOP of your monthly subscription fees + pay cable stations. They say then you OWN it, which is hilarious because you can ONLY ever watch it on a Comcast box. Until you cancel service. Then it's gone forever.
This reminds me of a window company trying to charge you to look at rainbow because you're watching it through their window.
But hey, now you own a rainbow.
TO BE CONTINUED.
I will tell you how my relationship w/them went down (and I mean down, as in straight South) and developed a callous of pure, unadulterated rage against the machines in my next post.
My flashbacking kind of derailed the rant train, and this post is already biblically long though not as full of lies. Hopefully I'll get time to finish before next Monday morning, but somehow I doubt it. This is a crazy week.