Where do I even start? The best of course. My most recent treasure found looking for recipes on the internet:
Thanksgiving gum.
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From amazon, link below because you KNOW you're ordering these. To order:http://www.amazon.com/Thanksgiving-Gumballs-Cranberry-Pumpkin-Flavored/dp/B005QUM0UW |
You guessed it: Pumpkin Pie Martinis.
Also Thanksgiving gum.
Each tin contains 22 gumballs, or ONE SERVING if you're 'Murican. Since they require no cooking, I may even shop for fancy turkey plates to serve them on. Paper, of course.
"How's your turkey gum, kids?"
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| Thanks, Imgur |
Okay, that might be a little ridiculous, only having gum and booze. Think of the children. Anyone know where I can order these Roasted Turkey flavored Doritos? I found a picture, but I don't speak Japanese.
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| http://www.amazon.com/Melville-Candy-Lollipops-Turkey-1-2-Ounce/dp/B003TRL6EU/sheknowscom03-20 |
Washed down with old fashioned pumpkin pie spice potato chips. Just like Grandma used to serve.
Hopefully I can find this in a local store. Even I know ordering ice cream online is a bad idea.
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| Check out the FANCY cranberry can-shaped sauce. |
This day is going to be super fancy. I hope I have something appropriate to wear.
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| Thanks, Pinterest. |
Here's last year's post about Black Friday, funny AND informative. Good advice on how to avoid leaving your house not only on Black Friday, but how to do 99.9% percent of your holiday shopping from your couch. You're welcome, America:
http://www.comfytownchronicles.com/2013/11/black-friday-nope-and-still-give-flying.html
Thanks to everyone for your patience and for reading, and especially those that take the time to leave comments. They're always hilarious, and my favorite part of blogging.
Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a good beer.
I scrolled down and refused to look at pics because I all I can think is, "You're turning violet, Violet!" And now I will scroll back up and hope I was right about the Willy Wonka reference.
ReplyDeleteI had to actually stop myself from posting a ton of Willy Wonka .gifs, you know there are several Tumblr accounts for ALL of the characters?? I could spend hours just looking at that junk. I used to do just that, actually.
DeleteOK, I found Violet Beauregard and will have to be satisfied with that, I guess. Please make that dress and put a photo of yourself on facebook.
ReplyDeletehahahaha I don't know WHAT is more funny, me sewing? Or me in a dress? Both are hilar.
DeleteI'm liking the beer bottle decor, I'll take a pass on the turkey flavored gumballs. What I really want to know is who thought it would be a good idea to make pea flavored soda? I like peas as much as the next person but I don't think I could swallow down a fizzy drink with the aroma of dirty feet. Ugh!
ReplyDeletehahaha that IS what peas smell like, thank you. I could never quite put my finger on the exact scent. Like how Fritos smell like dog paws. TRUE STORY. My niece can't even eat Fritos anymore, which is a good thing IMHO.
DeleteI just really wonder what the DINNER ROLL flavored soda tastes like, butter and flour? Carbonated?
I tried one of these holiday packs one year, can't remember what specifically was in it. I bought it for my nephew and we made a dare game out of drinking them, they were almost all totally disgusting. Fun game, though!
Ah yes, high five to someone else who phoned it in! But at least we phone it in WELL. And by well I mean most of these made me throw up in my mouth, which is an achievement in itself.
ReplyDeleteThank you, kind but nauseated Sir. *tip o' the olde timey bowler hat*
Deletedamn it! Janet!
ReplyDelete(sorry, everyone else already had cool references to movies, and so I felt the need to find my own movie (to reference)... I think it would be the perfect Thanksgiving to have everyone eat food pills and/or mutated snacks! (My favorite image I've come across when writing posts is the zombie Thanksgiving. very appropriate*)
*provided you're as weird as I am
hahahaha funny and timely! As just this past Saturday day night I was supposed to go to a midnight showing of Rocky Horror. But alas, just I've done at least twice during our vidchats, I FELL ASLEEP prematurely. D'oh!
DeleteI would love love LOVE to serve nothing but food pills. I would pay good money for that! Please tell me you have a link, or an email for Willy Wonka.
I think we both know I'm at LEAST as weird as you are, but for me, not in such a good, positive way :)
hahahaha..This cracked me up!!! I think it's a perfect idea to put out the special dinnerware and just have a few gumballs rolling around on the plate. Everyone will look at you, ...and then look at their plate, ...and then maybe decide to leave and get a Thanksgiving Pizza! I mean....Isn't everything open on Thanksgiving now a days? It works out because think of how easy the clean up will be! NO tupperware needed!!
ReplyDeleteI love your visual of fancy plates. I was picturing paper plates. We don't even really have fancy plates. Well, somewhere packed away in the attic is my MIL's China, but I don't think I'm allowed to even touch it out of the hermetically sealed packaging. I'm a thing-breaker. p.s. I love the sound of Thanksgiving Pizza! I picture a flat bread w/marinara from a jar, then shredded mozzarella cheese and hunks of turkey and sweet potatoes. I might have to make that a thing just to take a picture! If I could just find those Roasted Turkey Doritos, I could top a pizza w/those and cranberry goo from a can and call it a day.
DeleteI can't wait for Dunkin Donuts' Seasonal Turkey & Dressing Coffee!
ReplyDeleteAmerica gets the runs on Dunkin.
hahahahahahaha you should really be in marketing. I'll be saying "America gets the runs on Dunkin" for weeks.
DeleteAlthough your whole post made me LOL, this line made me laugh the hardest -- "I'm surprised I'm posting anything other than a manifesto." Hahahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteI know, I'm the worst. I should be all thankful to have a house and whatnot, and instead I'm bitchy whenever I have to clean it. I'm not domesticated yet. Work in progress.
DeleteI was looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner but after looking at these pics I think I'll just have a burger!
ReplyDeleteWell, if you're headed to ComfyTown bring a couple extra for my kids, would ya? I'll be sure to have enough pumpkin ale and pumpkin pie martini. And party hats so you can wear them on your junk like my Spirit Animal.
DeleteHahaha! Feed me enough ale and martinis and I'll also give you a lap dance!
DeleteThat's why you get invited everywhere!
DeleteI just may! Thankfully I'm getting most (probably ALL) of next week off! Woo hoo! Unpaid of course, but I could definitely use the break! It'll all be in my TToT.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine turkey hard candy. I would try it, obvs. I picture bacon being delish. Of course.
I remember saying those exact words, quoted by Violet Beauregarde, to my ex one night. Of course we were eating creamed mashed potatoes at the time...ahem...
ReplyDeleteCreamed mashed potatoes, is that what you kids are calling it these days??
DeleteWell hello there. I have stumbled across this blog thanks to Lily (above) posting about it.
ReplyDeleteThis was awesome and I will now be following like a crazy stalker.... well, more like a lazy Brit who sits underneath his laptop all day and reads blogs... (yea that sounds far less creepy - lets go with that).
Anyway - Just wanted to say I liked your blog and will pop for more once I've found my bacon flavoured car fresherner and had a good sniff!
hmm... bacon. :O)
Awesome, welcome! Any stalker---er FRIEND of Lily's, must be amazing.
DeleteLove the name and avi. Could use some bacon.
As soon as I saw the picture I was thinking about the gum in Willie Wonka... and then I scrolled down and you were talking about it! I was like, "Whoa I'm psychic."
ReplyDeleteNow there's something to be thankful for. A whole three course meal in gum. When I saw that I instantly thought of Willy Wonka & sure enough you put Violet next. I do want to order it. My favorite part tho was this: "I'm not one for posts of thankful on social media, I figure that is reserved for people who know what the made up words on the Starbuck's menu actually mean."
ReplyDelete