Nothing exciting to report, we spent all of last week outside because Monday was SEVENTY degrees. Today it's snowing ass because: Chicago. Well, probably all of the Midwest and other places too, but I'm in #Chibera and that hashtag is large and in charge on Instagram today.
It was semi-warm Saturday so we fired up the grill and threw every animal we could find on it. Apparently we left our napkin-holder and some other assorted items outside and now they're covered in snow. Hashtag Spring Problems.
I have no idea what's going on in the world because I've been reading and reading and reading the words to the wedding ceremony I'm officiating. That word, "officiating," is that the right word? Makes it sound like I'll be ref'ing a Battle Royale, doesn't it? Well, I will be wearing black and white and sensible shoes, so I'm ready for whatever breaks out.
The first 100 or so times I read the words they made me choke up, because being a woman is some Major Bullspit. I just keep reading them hoping they'll lose their ability to manipulate my woman parts. Like when you say a word so many times it loses all meaning,
"Gum gum gum gum gum gum gum gum" what does that even mean anymore?
Just in case I did get some waterproof mascara. I have no idea how/if that works but the lady at Target said to "practice," along with a bunch of other words I couldn't hear because she had SO MUCH make-up on I couldn't stop looking at her spider-leg eyelashes. I'm lowkey jealous of people with eyelashes. I don't care if they're real or fake. I got nothin. If I don't wear mascara at least 37 people ask me if I'm sick.
Soooo I'm not sure if she just means practice applying it, or applying it and then making myself cry. Which sounds like a freaking blast. I asked Alex, so being the Ever HELPING Husband, he took it upon himself to tell me increasingly sad and depressing things after that. Buuut we've been together for over 10 years so my ability to ignore his words is about at an Olympic-level.
Any suggestions for what would help me practice crying this week? Don't say the weather, I've lived here my whole damb life so I know it snows in March. Sometimes it snows in April. Everyone loses their minds, and we all go marching on.
|How terrifying is this? Also, NO EYELASHES.