Anyway, I was/am a Star Trek geek and I know everybody loves Spock, but I connected with his character in an extra nerdy way. Vulcans are purely logical people. I first thought, as everyone did, they didn't have any emotions. That sounded really awesome to me.
Later I learned that Vulcan history involves a lot of violence, and they consciously chose to suppress their very intense emotions. After generations of training, they learned to replace their emotions with pure logic. Amazing.
I envied them as Captain Picard later envied Data in a TNG movie, when he told the Captain he was going to deactivate his emotion chip.
"Spock, Vulcan name unpronounceable."
I learned that Mr. Spock has a more emotional struggle than most Vulcans, his mother was human. The show wasn't afraid to tackle difficult cultural issues of the time. Throughout the course of the show he does show emotion, and a lot of humor. Nerd humor, but that was the target market.
Little did I know I already was doing that. Having 2 brothers made me tougher than I may have been. Anyone with siblings quickly learns to hide their fear, and to a large part their happiness. If someone knows what makes you happy and sad, it makes all that much easier to torture you.
That's not as devious as it sounds, Only Children of the world. Sibling torture prepares you for the bullies of the real world, who are often more cruel and usually much more stealthy with their intentions.
Speaking of family drama, even Mr. Spock, the allegedly all-logic Vulcan, had a strained relationship with his father. We're forced to assume this comes from his human half. He also consulted Bones, the ship's doctor, quite often to check if his behavior was appropriate throughout the show. He continues to struggle and grow in terms of emotions throughout the show and the movies.
If you haven't watched the show, you should look into either The Original Series (TOS) if you are a fan of fun, campy SciFi, or The Next Generation (TNG) if you're more a fan of pure Science-based Fantasy/Fiction. TNG is less campy, much better geek writing. Unlike many, I liked them both for their various reasons.
I'll always love both Captain Kirk and Captain Picard, and I still do. I tell my husband I would still hit it, for both captains, yes even now. I have a special place in my shriveled grinch heart for Spock. I think a lot of women, and certainly some men, can really relate to and respect the concept of suppressing emotions, and replacing with logic.
I know I'm pontificating a fictional character, I know that.
To some Fiction is more important than a story being told. For a lot of people Fiction of all kind is an escape. I feel like you either get that or you don't. If you do, I'm sorry you felt you had/have something to escape but in terms of your choice, it could be a lot worse. Take it from me. There is no return from some kinds of escapes.
When I watched TOS, I was young and it was a fun escape. When I watched TNG, I felt I really needed a mental escape from my life. It wasn't as easy for me as a non-Vulcan to suppress my emotions.
Prescription (and some not) drugs helped with that, and created a myriad of other problems, too many to get into during this post.
Thanks to all of those distractions, and the beginning of a very long journey of counseling, I was able to successfully suppress all emotions so well that I stayed in a horribly oppressive marriage for years after I should have. Conservatives and religious zealots would consider this a victory, and as always they can line up to SUCK IT.
Considering the very dark place it brought me to, including violent thoughts, it could have been very disastrous.
It's also taken me decades to start realizing, feeling and and even acknowledging my actual feelings, let along trying to deal with them. This is what the teen years are supposed to be for. I'm beyond emotionally immature. The dick jokes are Just the Tip.
My point is, it was a really bad situation. Humans aren't Vulcans, because we're real. We exist. Beings that exist cannot possibly suppress every human emotion. Not without dangerous results. Eventually your feelings are going to surface, in a variety of ways.
Maybe you'll be lucky and all that will happen is you have a harmless little nervous breakdown. These often come at inconvenient times, and without much warning.
Maybe you'll develop intensely bad habits while using all of your energy to hide your misery. You could become addicted to an unhealthy substance, or even too much of a healthy one. Once you're an addict, to whatever it is, do you think anyone is going to appreciate that this was a result of wanting to "stick it out" through a tough situation? No, they won't.
If you have a breakdown and anyone or anything winds up getting damaged, do you think it will be in your advantage to mention the struggle you were going through at the time? It won't.
Once the situation has finally broken your spirit, and it will, all anyone will remember is the bad thing that was the result. The lives you hurt. The money spent to fix the situation. The damage you've done.
No one will care that you tried so hard for so long to get along. Not one person will appreciate the enormous effort it takes to put on a fake happy face and trudge through misery day after day. Believe me. Not your family, not your children, certainly not your Significant Other.
The longer you pretend to be happy when you're not, the more betrayed everyone will feel in the end. Allow yourself to feel your feelings, you're human. You're supposed to have feelings. Find a safe person, a safe place to explore those feelings.
Figure out what you want, often the most difficult line of thinking a human can do, and then take small steps to get yourself to that point. No matter how long of a process that is, the journey will help you. Each step will be enough to get you through to the next. A community of support will help, but you have to be true to yourself in the end. Nothing good comes of pretending.
I can't offer advice on how to be happy, that's up to every individual. I can tell you how to deal with utter misery.
Don't fight it. Don't suppress it. Don't try to replace it with logic. We're not Vulcans. Being Vulcan is not logical. Not for humans.
Quick mini-tribute to the real person, Leonard Nimoy:
I learned there was so much more to Nimoy than Mr. Spock. (I keep wanting to call him Dr. Spock, totally different guy.)
I heard about him directing, but did you know he wrote poetry and was a pretty amazing photographer? Though my novice eyes are easily impressed, his photographs seemed to have deep meaning.
The poetry? Don't ask me, and I really mean that. Do not ever ask me to read and decipher poetry, it makes me cranky. I never get the same meaning as other people when I read poetry, at times it's downright embarrassing so I've learned to avoid it. I have a fear of poetry, and developed an Intolerance. It's a medical condition okay Karen, so no, I do not want to read your daughter's poem for school, I'm sure it's beautiful.
His photos however, are very artistic. There is nothing to puzzle and decipher, you look, you're touched. Or not. Art is subjective, and usually I hate most of it.
|Self portrail from cbsnews.com|
And, okay if the art is really good, I also feel a dollop of jealousy (I'm only human) that I don't seem to have the same resources, or use of my lame limbs as these other-wordly super humans that are just here to make us feel inferior. These photos don't make me feel that way.
The photos I've seen of Nimoy's are mostly of people.
If you're thinking "Big Whoop" I'm with you and we should totally *fistbump* and go make fun of an art show sometime.
Some of his photos did make me stop and look for a minute.
I am always fascinated with pictures of him smiling.
|Do your eyes go straight to the ears? Just me? from fanpop.com|
One amazing project that moved me is The Full Body Project. This was a book that he did with real-life women. That is to say, real life real sized curvey women.
I'll put a link here, the pictures are totally Not Suitable For Work. They're also extremely artistic, which yes means some are NEKKED. They are also very empowering photographs for women.
According to the author, the aim of the book was to showcase the average American a woman, someone who “weighs 25 percent more than the models selling the clothes,” and to go against Hollywood’s “fantasy” ideal of what females should look like. The collection received rave reviews, with critics applauding Nimoy’s respectful approach to the photographs and his sincere attempt in demanding change within the industry.
Live long and prosper, he certainly did.