2013-01-29

Mother Nature’s Period Must Be FIERCE.

Here in the Midwest this January, it’s been nipple-sword cold as usual, until yesterday. Today it’s 60 degrees. Not six, SIXTY. In two days, it will be zero again according to the forecast. Blah blah global warming, but I’ve lived here all my long life and the weather has always been a sporadic whore. In summer, we bring sweaters to baseball games or else you freeze your sunburned hams off. 

If you’re not from here, you wonder WHY people live here. Daniel Tosh explains that the middle of the country is for people who gave up on their dreams. As good a theory as any. We do have great food here with which you can build a nice, protective layer of blubber for the winter months.

You learn to adjust. You set your bar lower. You change your wardrobe with the seasons, you layer yourself in between, but ALWAYS leave a few things about for those all-four-seasons-in-one-day days. 

You pack clothes away for the season, but leave a sweater and/or some shorts easily reachable! As a Midwestern Mom I never packed all my shorts away. 
  • Hormones. I don’t care where you live, if you’ve recently had a baby one minute you’re free-HEEZ-ing, the next you’re dripping with sweat. Dear loved ones around us, this is a big contributor to the crazy. Talk to Mother Nature about it. Sooner rather than later please.
  • SAME reason I never put all my winter clothes away, the crazy freaking weather. Either Mother Nature is always having babies, or her period is FIERCE. With everything Mom's Nature has put us through? I kind of hope it IS.
  • We might want to exercise again someday. Just don’t push it. Tell us we’re beautiful and walk away.
  • Less material means less chance of a stain. Everything from coffee to vomit washes right off the skin.
  • Shorts take up less room in the washing machine than pants. With shorts it’s easier not to wear socks, ergo less laundry. (Ergo? Who says that?)
  • It’s easier for our children to cling to our legs. At least down there their noise-making holes are farther away from our ear holes.
  • I heard that in some European countries, you can be denied entry to a church if your knees are showing.


It's January, I’m wearing shorts right now, and even though my laptop is burning my right leg, it’s totally worth it.

Mayhaps Mother Nature just has a lot of bad hair days?

from popsugar.com

8 comments:

  1. "the weather has always been a sporadic whore"?? WHERE did you COME from? I'mma hafta share you.

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    1. Chicago, where you go e-HEV-erywhere with a tank-top AND a sweater and coat, because you NEVER KNOW!
      Please do share me. I enjoy meeting people that aren't easily offended by my swearing ;)
      STAY COMFY!

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  2. ha! you should see south. I kid you not 90 times out of 100 we will be running the ac on Christmas day and layering in long johns and sweaters the day after. Most people down here wouldn't know a real winter if it came up and bit them on the nose.

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    1. hahaha we heard stories of people in Southern California full-on FREAKING OUT because it was 32 degrees there! They had to go buy their kids coats, etc. If you're not used to that, I guess it's pretty cold.

      Today in Chicago suburbs, it was 32 and I got so excited I spent a LOOONG time bundling the kids for a walk! I seriously spent more time setting up and cleaning up for that walk, than I spent planning my wedding day! Of course, it was Vegas so the "Little White Chapel" pretty much handled everything, but STILL!

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  3. and still we have 4 seasons in one day....
    Thanks for hooking up to the Hump Day Hook Up

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    1. My pleasure, it's one of my fave hops.

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  4. Ha! Want hormones, try perimenopause! That's some hormones! All the fun of menopause AND you still get your period. Yay!

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    1. I can't wait! hahaha I sure it comes complete with hot flashes. My whole life I'm always cold (hypothyroid) and when I was pregnant I got a taste of hot flashes, TERRIBLE!

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