To save you time and clicks, no one wants an EXTRA CLICK these days, jeez! I am taking a note from some fellow smart(y pants) bloggers by combining them. Plus, these particular awards have really funny names, especially when combined. See post title.
These are 3 different awards, obviously none given for proper grammar or say, quality content. The only "rules" are linking back to the people awarding and listing random facts. I can random with the best of em.
The first, in order of timing received, is the Squirrely Blogger award. How could I ignore that right?
Awarded from the funny, lovely Jenn of My Daily jenn-isms, who unlike me actually writes quality content. That seems exhausting, I'm not sure how she does it but I'm glad she does.
I will post links to these blogs at the bottom as well, so you can keep reading about shiny, squirrely sideboobs. Do yourself a favor and check the blogs at the end out.
|Nuttier than squirrel balls in a peanut butter jar, amiright?|
Let's all just pause a moment to bask in the wonder of this picture.
|Sideboob is the new black. I heard that on Fashion Police so it must be true.|
The one rule (besides SHOW THE BOOBIE) was to award another blogger with the Golden Sideboob: I pick, for obvious reasons, Ooops I Said Vagina Again blog. Bam. You have to read that blog to believe it.
I mean seriously, could two awards BE more appropriate? Don't answer that with fecal awards, it's one of those rhetorical questions.
The final is a Shine On award, from the unparallelly funny It's Why You Like Me.
|OH, stars shining. NOT my oily skin. Well, okay then.|
I thought this was awarded for my oily complexion having posting pictures of myself daydrinking in my "How To Make Any Summer Day a GREAT Summer Day" post, a fantastic read by the way, because yeah, I was pretty sweaty in those pictures by the end. Because Summer. And drinking, and I also have oily skin. I don't mind this as much as I should because the women in my family are not wrinkle-prone.
Hey, there's one of the ten random facts that goes along with this post! I think the 10 are supposed to be things about ourselves, because I was thisclose to giving away ten spoilers from the Game of Thrones books.
Kidding, that's all kinds of rude. p.s. EVERYONE DIES. hahaha
In random order, here are the other nine including the first 2 which were questions asked of me on my Facebook page. I stole that idea from The Precious Princess in Bananaland:
1. Felicia asked me my sTrAnGest pet peeve. Strange is subjective, but most people find it strange that I morselize my food before eating. I cut it up into tiny little pieces, and combine things together for flavor optimization, and also because my shifty-ass teeth moved while I was pregnant and they don't line up right. This means if/when I try to take a bite of a sandwich with tomatoes and lettuce, ALL OF THE tomatoes and lettuce slide off with me, because my teeth don't clamp down all the way. I HATE THIS. So hard.
The only fix is braces, to the tune of $5-6,000 which we would have to take out a loan for. I can't make myself do it right now. I also would have a bitch of a time getting to any ortho appointments because my husband works far away and is only home for an hour a day in the evenings. I try not to think about, it's just too frustrating. I just cut up all my food like I do for my baby. Could be worse.
2. Blair asked me if I spit or swallow. My gum. I haven't swallowed gum since Catholic school, because I was dealthy afraid of some of the nuns.
3. Yes, I went to Catholic school for 9 years, you'll be shocked to hear, so No, I do not believe in God, or Santa Claus, or the Tooth Fairy, or Karma, or anything else you try to throw at me to get me to behave. I behave if and when I want to, because I want to. Because humans should all try to take care of each other, and work together. Not because I'm afraid of anything.
4. Speaking of that, I'm not really afraid of anything. Other than my children getting sick, or maybe some sort of deadly weapon being pointed at us. Being a single mom, having to do everything myself, makes you stronger and makes you realize FEAR is stupid. It's useless. Face your fears, kick their ass(es), and own who you are.
5. Not-so-Fun Fact: I don't have any toenails. Well, I guess if truth be told I have about 6 toenails altogether. I'm not even sure why, one podiatrist suggested tight shoes as a child, one doctor said my FINGERnails are jacked because of hypothyroid disease. Also why I hardly have any eyelashes (side effect of the medicine.) Who knows. Who cares. Toenails are stupid. I have bigger fish to fry in life, and try to look at all the great things I DO have. Like...
6. I have 3 kids, they are all wonderful, beautiful, HILARIOUS and giant pains in the ass in one way or another. Just like all the kids in my family.
7. Family: I have awesome 2 sisters and a brother who is a selfless, good man and a wonderful father. We are a big, funny, wonderfully WeIrD family. We are an acquired taste, not without flaws, and we have been through a lot together. We tease each other relentlessly, we own our flaws, and despite our differences, we love each other and we know it's us against the cruel world like it or not.
Plus, when people know shit about each other, like the kind of shit WE know about each other, it's best just to stay on their good side.
8. Despite being a lazy, self-centered slob, I volunteer with certain organizations whenever I can. I can't do much with all the kids these days, but I do what I can when I can. It's important to give back, it's FUN and I have met the BEST friends in the world through volunteering. Try it! Go to volunteer.org or look locally.
9. I really wish I were a better writer. I make myself laugh all dayum day, that's easy, but I struggle to write anything other than ridiculous nonsense. I can edit and re-edit a simple blog post for HOURS if I let myself. Yeah, obvy not THIS one, and if you have read anything I have written on this blog, you know I don't actually let myself do that. Too busy at the moment.
I do love to write though. Deep down inside myself I would love for that to be my paid job one day when I grow big. It's my biggest wish for myself, outside of family, being healthy and happy stuff. Someday I hope to be able to make the time to at least explore that more. The End.
Now I am supposed to pass these awards on, that's the hard part. I love so many blogs, and I know they get TONS of awards, to the point where this becomes like a HOMEWORK assignment. There are so many awesome bloggers, good writers, people creating great DIY crafts, projects for kids, recipes, sewing ideas, actual REAL LIFE stuff, as opposed to my "hey, look at the stripper names I made up for my kids toys" type crap. I couldn't list them all, I would fill the internet, but here are a few:
The blog I nominated, Ooops, I Said Vagina, Again can be found here.
At the risk of making my blog and writing look even worse, here are the blogs of the fine women with low enough standards to AWARD my ramblings.
Click here for the delightfully sarcastic My Daily Jenn-ism.
Stalk Considerings blog here.
Find out WHY you'll like It's Why You Like Me here.
You will like them all.
Dude, I didn't know you were toe nail deficient too!!! The ones I have are dicks and all effed up. Jacked up toenails UNITE!! xxReplyDelete
*fist bump* I wish I had a dollar FO RUL, for every time I found a new reason WHY I LIKE YOU. We'd be so rich we could afford toenail implants. To be invented.Delete
I knew it! I knew you were a recovering catholic! also .....toenails...mine are curled...like you can't even see most of the pinky ones because they are so curled.....ReplyDelete
Yep. Catholics, just like toenails, are stupid. Yes they help when you stub your toe, which I do WAY TOO MUCH, so I just try never to be barefoot. Then I also don't have to see them. I wish we could do that w/the Catholics! Throw a big, stinky Croc over the whole lot of em.Delete
hey! I loved that "look at the stripper names for my kids toys" post. It honestly was what made me want to keep coming back to your blog!ReplyDelete
Ha! Did you catch the stripper and sock puppet post before that? Super serious world topics, people. Oy.Delete
Oh my gosh...I think I am in love with you. Can we get married, I mean...my husband won't mind I'm sure. We may have been separated at birth you and I. I too attended a Catholic school, and I too do not believe in Santa Claus. It's a shame really. AND what the hell is with having a 9 yr.old sit in a room with a priest and do confession??...ah the good ole days...NOT! Anyway...I think you are hilarious, and I too am afflicted with writing nonsense. I can't help it, it just flows through me...the nonsense that is..ReplyDelete
As long as one of us cooks here and does his laundry, my husband will be fine with it.Delete
You are next on this list, lady!
Fan-TASTIC acceptance. I love the supreme credit you gave it by lobbing it in with a couple of clearly inferior awardsReplyDelete
XD You're amazing. And brazen. And I love it.
Also - who're you nominating for the award?Delete
CRAP SALAD w/poo-croutons! I totally forgot I'm supposed to nominate someone else. See? I TOLD you that you are not the only gal to break a rule. I'm nominating "Oops I Said Vagina' again.Delete
Ah...the new sisterhood of the Golden BOOB....thanks lizzie!ReplyDelete
I would love a golden BOOB statue to put on my mantel. And also a mantel.Delete
Ohhh I like that idea :) But men can be awarded it too, if they're not too chicken to accept!Delete
OH I should have forwarded mine to Rich Rumple! I would to hear what he would have to say about it!Delete
I freaking love you. Let's dance baby cakes!ReplyDelete
hahaha well, there's no accounting for taste.Delete
As always AH-Mazing! You keep me laughing all day long too! And seriously, strippers, sock puppets, and daydrinking are important bloggy topics! Keep it coming cus inquiring minds NEED to know! (ie ME!)ReplyDelete
Thank you. I needed to hear that. Sometimes I feel like I am just DARING people to un-follow me. And people on Twitter are taking that challenge :) hahahaDelete
I think I just fell in love with you, and your shiny squirrelly side boob. Good post. I swallow by the way...my gum. And I'm super healthy, so that's just a myth. Until they pull a huge gum blob from my gut. But so far so good.ReplyDelete
If swallowing gum made me look like you, I would eat 100 packs a day!Delete