2013-12-05

Rejected Kardashian Christmas Cards

By now your eyeholes have probably been raped once again by the Krapdashians, as my friend Brian calls them, and they're post-modern all-woman (including plastic Bruce Barbie) holiday card. 

I don't know when this became entertainment, especially since no one I talk to is ever entertained by them, or even knows why the Christmas fudge they're famous.

They are extremely amusing to make fun of however. You may not want to add to their buzz, but since, like Joan Rivers says, I'm a "good friend" of theirs, I thought you might want to see the card ideas they REJECTED before choosing.
faces from sandrarose.com and jonbenningtoninterviews.com
These two have split up, so they didn't want to send a mixed message. Their fans are really stupid.
Kim's face is brought to you by Dow Chemical Company
and Hollyzood.com

Kim always wants just herself in the picture, but since the others are allowed to speak now, they voiced their disapproval.

That sound you hear is her trying to reach a lawyer that will reverse this decision.
 They played around with this fun, "lower middle class" type scenarios for awhile.

They all hated every single moment of this charade.
They couldn't get over the fact that a WHOLE FAMILY lives in a house this size, with no walk-in closets, so we had to get them out before their make-up'd heads exploded.

The first place anyone's mind goes with this group is straight baby-got-back to Badonkaville.
Theme from Jib Jab. Photo credits: DailyMakerover.com, OKMagazine.com, eonline.com, huffingtonpost.com
...but they didn't love the Busy Twerking Elves theme as much as we would have hoped.


Photos from imnotobsessed.com, primebeautyblog.net, justjared.com, weheartit.com, perezhilton.com
Festive reindeer are always cute, but Kris didn't like what Khloe did to her photo so we had to scrap the whole thing. Dang it, Khloe, why do you ruin everything?


Then, DP. Deutsche Partei
Photos from plasticsurgeryexamples.blogspot.com, , sandrarose.com,  sinnersarewinners.blogspot.com, huffingtonpost.com, ifitandhealthy.com ironically.
Kim once had a bad dream she went on a blind date with Chevy Chase, so this adorable Deutsche Partei is outenzee.

Sorry if we offended animals or animal lovers.
From Zazzle.com
No, no, no, just NO. Too on the nose. And offensive to orangutans, who can actually LEARN to do actual things. I mean things other than dress in drag, point at clothes other people design and say "Yaay, pretty" or "Eeew, gross" in a robotic voice and stand still for long periods of time having their picture taken. 

I really liked this Dance Party theme shown below, but Bruce was trying to scream something about Kanye suing their asses off, it's hard to understand him since his mouth doesn't move anymore, but they wouldn't go for it.
Then, DP. Dance Pawty
Photos: OKMagazine, celebitchy.com, perezhilton.com, primebeautyblog.com, plasticsurgeryexamples.blogspot.com
Adorable, right? Look how happy Bruce's face is trying to look.

Ummm....mooovies?
"I don't get it!" They all cried
same pics except Kim's is from morefm.co.nz
So, in the end, for lack of any better ideas or anything they might not be sued for, or anything Kim hadn't had a bad dream about, they went with this. All women. Plus Mason.

This is more realistic looking than Bruce's face looks in person.
from scallywagandvagabond.com

This is how I picture their card in my head.

All these weenies are missing is BUNS, hon.


We can't HELP IT, Pigeon.
from HuffingtonPost

10 comments:

  1. Did they really split up? That's how out of it I am. How embarrassing. Can't stand the Krapdashians. Love to hate 'em though. I ran into this guy who had a photography booth out at Round Top (giant antique fair thing) and he is actually an editor for the show and gave me all this behind the scenes dirt on them. Says Scott is actually a nice guy and they've played him up as a douche-bag for ratings for years! He told us he's asked whatsherface to marry him many times, and all the "drama" in Paris and Vegas (when he goes and supposedly drinks too much and flirts) is all staged. Interesting, eh? He said they'll break up when the show ends.

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    1. WOW! That is good scoop! My son started watching the show one day, we were wondering HOW they got famous (turns out Robert Krapdashian Sr. represented OJ in his trial. His murder trial. I might have to get more specific: The trial in which he was accused of murdering Nicole Brown Simpson. Oh, and Bruce won on Olympic medal back when it was held on Mt. Olympus. No one else has ever been credited with doing anything. Ever.)
      I told my friend Brian about the show, it was semi-fascinating to me for whatever weird reason, I think we were between Project Runway seasons, so we started watching and making fun of them together, and kind of got hooked for awhile. He read somewhere that Scott was the nice guy now. I mean, low bar in that group, but they used to make him seem like the absolute devil. He's got to LOVE all the buzz about Lamar Odom smoking crack and whatnot. Interesting. Almost.

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    2. Oh, and according to Chelsea Lately, yes, they are separated. It might be for ratings, though.

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  2. The "Stop Laughing" gif... that one is a WIN! I also love Kim's face for the first few cards! BAHAHAHAHAHHA!!! The twerking elves seems to me to be the most realistic one! :)

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    Replies
    1. If you want a good laugh, google "Kim Kardashian ugly cry" there are seriously millions and millions and MILLIONS of pictures, just from their family photos alone! She's a spoiled brat.

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  3. Krapdashians, LOL! Dear Lord, when will their 15 minutes be up?

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    Replies
    1. I KNOW RIGHT?! Are we at least rounding the corner on 14 minutes??

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  4. Replies
    1. No one is. Especially If you ask them.

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  5. I can't stand any of them. A bunch of vapid no-talent people who became rich off of trash tv. Why they are famous I don't have a clue. I refuse to watch or read anything they are in. They just all seem so fake. I bet the people of Walmart love them!

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