4 People Who Could Write Buzzfeed Headlines While In A Coma

I started this last week, but never finished it. That's how it's going lately. With everything. I've been tired, cranky, inexplicably hurty and not really funny. Yes, even more. Or less. Less is the new More.

Last week was a month long. It was swell and now that the swelling has gone down, mayhaps I can laugh about it. Early wake-ups, post vacation, teenager stress, bad news and weather formed a mediocre storm. 
There's no perfect stormTROOPER either
from veryfunnypics.eu

I don't believe in perfect storms, why set an unrealistic expectation for storms based on superficiality? This is what I'm getting at. I'm starting to make even less sense than usual, and my bar is pretty low.

Last week started out solid, I was well rested from vacation. Timing allowed me to blow through the entire Season 2 of Orange is the New Black in less than a week, which is a weird thing to brag about, but usually I have tons of shorties around and it takes me all week just to get through a couple 1/2 hour programs. So anyway, Season 2 was much more fun and I finally finished my post comparing it to Facts of Life. It's a long story, but if you only read ONE mashup of a prison show and Facts of Life today, make it this one, click HERE.

Between the Life and waking up at 4am, things started to take a Southern turn humor-wise. I needed to write a guest post, high pressure situation for me. It's one thing to suck balls full time on your own blog, but when someone asks me to bring the funny to their blog, especially when I'm sleep-deprived, I worry. I can usually get the ball rolling with some hashtag games on Twitter. 

Don't know what in the world wide web that is? That's when someone lays down a word challenge like:

#FoodAthletes - combine a food and an athlete.
I came up with: Ball Park Frank Thomas and some others.

Last week I saw #AddSausageToAMovieTitle and came up with some that seemed funny at the time. 

And added horrible pictures, that made me laugh even more.
Sleep-deprived Me?
Found this hilarious

This should have been a red flag. 
This cracked me UP
for whatever reason
I had to write a guest post, but what kind of post can you write in this frame of mind?  

Well, I see the Buzzfeed churning out "8 Reasons Condiments are Like Forest Animals" and other ridiculous bullspit every day, so I tried it. 

I wrote "6 Reasons My Kids Are Crappy Burglars" and it was okay. Click that title if you want to judge for yourself. 

Now at least I know if times were tough I could churn out shitty numbered lists for Buzzfeed to pay the rent. 

I know, I know, so could your Great Grandmother.

"4 People Who Could Write Buzzfeed Headlines Unconscious"
Your Great Uncle Don, post head injury
Your Slightly-Racist 100 yr old Grandfather
Your Cousin in Rehab on Anti-Psychotics, big hit actually
The Medical Cat Who Predicts the Next Person to Die, if you placed a keyboard on the ground so he can walk back and forth with his paws.
from 02varvara.wordpress.com
I think I sprained something brain-wise. I haven't had any real inspirations since then, and thankfully so because I haven't had time to put anything together and/or be a real part of the blogger communities. 

Speaking of that, this is part of my favorite community: The Ten Things of Thankful community. Click *HERE* to link up and tell us some things you're thankful for!

I saw that Harrison Ford broke an ankle on the set of Star Wars Episode VII, but thankfully he's only expected to be out 6-8 weeks. They have plenty to film during that time so they don't expect any delays.

This week was a little better than last week. Thankfully we got our new doors, though they took from 9am - almost 7pm to install. And of course the Universe scheduled us on a day when it was rainy and I had a ton of kids here, and Lola was not loving the loud noises of the power tools, and blah....
but I would've been disappointed if everything went smoothly, ya know? 

You wouldn't believe, unless you've done it, what all goes in to just replacing a door. It took us MONTHS to pick some, get them ordered, then there's the locks, hardware, etc., AND if you don't have someone do the installation, well I don't even KNOW what all went in to that, but it sounded painful as it took the guy all day.

They're here, they're installed and I don't need to hip-check them to close them! The front door also has a window and it's SOO MUCH more bright in here.
What a difference a door makes! And that little window.
There's a mirror on the opposite wall, so light is reflected.
We DO need to paint them, and who knows if that will ever happen...

I'm just thankful we don't have a funeral this weekend. We are helping a friend clean out his deceased father's house, and we have no baby sitters so we're trying to help clean, fix-up and haul stuff out WITH 2 toddlers so it's not exactly a jamboree at the end of the rainbow, but I'm trying to stay on the thankful side. Thankful we're healthy and able to help a friend.

Next week I'm thankful we are going on vacation, trying to focus on that. I have to get through two 4am wake-ups, then Thursday night we head to my sister's lake house, which is better than Disneyland because NO LINES.  
Love Disney but THESE CROWDS though!
from nytimes.com
I'm thankful my 2 yr old is better in the car this year than she was last year. She scream-cried almost the ENTIRE 3 hours in the car last year. My son's friend will probably never have children because of that. My son? Slept right through it because he's part bear, apparently, so he hibernates when he sleeps. 

We usually stay the week, but since the 4th is on a Thursday we're only staying for a long weekend this year, but it's better than nothing. The kids are so thrilled, they've asked about it every day.
"How many MORE wake-ups?!"  
Less than 7, kids, hang in there.
My sister says THIS is waiting for us. Because: MURICA!
It's heaven for my kids: Dogs, horses, barn cats, tractors, boats, cousins, my sister who dotes on them, their dreams come true for a few days! Plus, mom gets a little help, they love to play cards and games, and I get to see my husband more than 2 hours a day, so it's Heaven for me, too. Holla.
My siblings and me on the lake. I think we have wax lips, though I don't remember why. Other than: Weirdos.
We're doing a weird thing w/our hands, that's how my dads fingers were cut off. He was a Press Feeder.
And it doesn't hurt they have Showtime so we can get caught up on Shameless. Haven't seen it in a long time. Someone also suggested Penny Dreadful, not sure if we'll have time but it sounds nice and creepy.

Then when we come back the husband took some time off so we'll do Staycation stuff, mostly projects around the house we've been neglecting. They need to be done though.

That's worth more than 10. I had hoped to come back and add more funny, but I'm spent and about out of time.

I did find this awesome-looking recipe for Beer Popsicles! 


Hope everyone is having a wonderful summer so far! Happy 4th of July in case I don't post anything before then, which is entirely possible! 
Found on Pinterest
it didn't say WHY


  1. Totally fun even though I feel your pain as well! This is a great post! Thank you!
    jean xox

    1. Beginning of summer is always rough, the schedule change for parents and graduations, weddings, etc. Hopefully we'll party our butts of for America's birthday and everything will be magically okay :)

  2. As a stormtrooper, I take offense to your meme and the caption below. Just when I thought we were going to be good friends, too....

    1. You HAVE to know how bad your teams' aim is! Who is your shooting coach, Shaquille O'Neal??
      Okay, now I'm just salting the wound.

  3. Where do I even start with this post! I did click on the "Here" link. Not having watched tv since last year, this was a really cool post comparing OITNB to FOL!
    Damn I'm missing out on some good entertaining programs:)
    Beer popsicles!!! Wow LOL

    1. Thanks for reading! It's not the best show ever, but that's all subjective.
      I have to get more popsicle molds, the lemon pale ale pops look really good! I always make juice or yogurt pops for the kids, so I'm pretty sure if I made BEER pops, they would be mad unless I shared.

  4. Wow, what a week! I'd have snapped and killed somebody by now. Enjoy your lake vacation -- sounds like it will be a super time! And you deserve it.

    1. The 4am wake-up is rough, can't even lie. It might be easier to take if I made money doing it, but let's hope I never find out because it's an awful time to be awake, no matter what the reason.
      Thanks, Debra. I can hardly wait.

  5. YAY! I'm so glad we're your favourite blog hop :D

    Sounds like the week has held some immensely tough stuff, and I hope that the time away at the lake house (in spite of the early start and potentially tricky journey) will restore your soul and give you time to relax and chill out a bit.

    Well done for getting the new doors sorted, and for making the guest post happen. That's great :)

    Hoping medium for you this week, my dear *hugs*

    1. Favourite and ONLY right now! I can barely get a post UP, must less hop around and follow all the rules. I dabble when I can, but THIS ONE? Always worth it! Good people, good fun. Now if I can just stay awake to join the vidchat again....Probably not going to happen next week, we'll be in Michigan.
      Thanks for the "hoping medium" which sounds hilarious, but also DELIGHTFUL. One normalish week would be so great right now. I used to hate when life was boring, but sometimes I CRAVE a "medium" kind of week! So, for you too!

  6. I write content for a living, but I always turn down jobs that require a story to be told by images. Those jobs are more about your image-gathering ability than your ability to write a well-crafted article. They're creative, for sure...just a different kind of creative than I am! All that stuff is designed to go viral on social media because they know someone will share it.

    1. You're doing it right. When I'm pressed for time, I usually have a bunch of cheesy pictures in my posts, and yes, they TOTALLY get attention, especially from the Facebook-mentality. I've learned a lot about social media 'types' in the year and a half I've been doing this blog and the first thing I learned? Facebookers are lazy, they want EVERYTHING all in one picture, coming right at their 'Murican face. They don't like extra clicks, and usually WILL only click for something like a Buzzfeed list. Sad, but true. We all have social-media-induced ADD. At least you're not making it worse by playing along! Good on you.

  7. I havent even read the rest of your post yet but I always thought Cheezits of Nazareth was a good idea... Okay gotta go finish reading....

    1. How bout.... THe Day After Sausage, or They Saved Hitler's Sausage????
      New doors! I remember your old door post! No more hip checks and warped casings!
      I have been so unable to write for months now.. driving me crazy... dunno what I would have done in your place but the burglar post was awesome!

    2. Cheezits of Nazareth hahahaha that reminds of the cartoon that went around about mice going "mousehole to mousehole" and saying "We'd like to talk to you about cheeses."
      The Day After Sausage! Why do I immediately picture the ultimate Walk of Shame? Oh yeah, because I'm a perv.
      I'm glad you liked it. I hate those Buzzfeed lists, but at least mine was true and had a little reality thrown in. And I didn't make a dime for it so I don't feel like a sellout! Thanks for the constant support!

    3. Oh no worries it was meant to sound as if it was totally perverted... and Hitler's Brain was just made for sausage comments...

  8. Replies
    1. RIGHT? I usually don't go for beer in the scorching summer, I usually need a drink you can add ice to, but this? PROBLEM SOLVED.

  9. The Day the Sausage Stood Still. Three Men and a Sausage. Sausage of Wrath.
    I am envious of your door. My front door is probably the same age as the house, which is about 90. And it's a weird shape, so we can never, ever afford to replace it. So hip checks it is. And painting it? Pah! I put a coat of primer on some louvered doors (a horrible invention, louvered doors) between our living room and family room exactly 9 years ago, and they are still just that - primed.
    I love lists. I need to do a list post.
    I love popsicles, but you're not going to sell me on beer ones.

    1. Those are great sausage movies! Now I want to make the pictures.
      I had NO idea how much goes into replacing the doors, it was seriously an all-day installation and that was AFTER multiple trips to Home Depot (and other places) to pick them out, pick out the locks and hardware, etc. and we STILL have work to do. Oy! 90 years is a LONG LIFE for a door, so you must be taking really good care of them! Our house was built in the 50's and those wooden doors, even though they were painted, were all swollen, rotten, cracked and disgusting looking. We do get really bad weather here, but we also have screen doors on the outside of the doors. I guess those don't really do too much.
      I would love to read your list "Top 8 Reasons To Do A List Post" and GO.
      Yeah, if you're not a fan of beer I'm not sure the lemon and sugar will save these popsicles for you. HOWEVER, Leinenkugel's makes a Berry Weiss beer that tastes like berries. It's delightful, even when I add ice in the summer.

  10. Wow! You really were in a way this past week, huh? Girl, you should have said something....I could have waited for the guest post! It was a fun post. You did good. I hope you have an amazing time on your vacation. Get some rest, have a few beer popsicles, and RELAX!

    1. Oh, it was fine. I see people posting almost EVERY DAY and they have kids, dogs, jobs, I seriously don't know how they do it! They have the GIFT that I must not have. I have to work at it, and sometimes my posts still stink. Oh well, so I'll never do this for a living, but it's FUN! Plus, it's good to shake things up and do something differently once in awhile, it was all good! I definitely WILL do some relaxing, I promise! Thanks.

  11. that looks like some kind of tow line attached to the front of the floating thing you are on with your sibs… was there anything at the other end and what was the outcome?
    (these are serious questions, but the 'deep fried money' is quite obvious…who wouldn't want to try that, provided the oil was boiling and the dough (or whatever the hell it is you do to things to deep fat fry them) was available.
    (Speaking of deep fat fried vacations, in the Summer at Martha's Vineyard, they used to sell french fries and put them in these totally heavy wax coated boxes (like chinese take out only more impermeable) and within 5 minutes the sides of the box would be dark with the grease coming through. very good summer food group

    1. Ooooh, that's how they judge a good Cheesesteak Sammich in Philly:
      Is the bag coated in grease? Then it's probably a good sammich!
      Deep fried money, no IDEA WHY! Money is filthy, so other than risking Hep C, I don't see what could come of it.
      We have been talking about how BEAUTIFUL Martha's Vineyard is since we got back. Definitely want to return!
      Yes, the float is attached to my brother in law's speed boat. His thing is to pull people on floats, or in little boats, or on wakeboards, boogieboards and/or these little wakesurf boards and try to KNOCK THEM OFF. It's exhausting and my hands are super sore afterward, BUT if you've had a lot to drink then landing in a lake is not so bad all in all. I've done far worse things on vacation, that's for sure.

  12. I love Disneyland, but I avoid going in the summertime. Crowds and heat do not a pleasant trip make. Your vacation to your sister's lake house, on the other hand, sounds like lots of fun!

    1. True. Especially when kids are out of school! The only way we survived Thanksgiving week was with the Park Hopper pass. We spent most of the week in Epcot, thankfully most of the kids were in the Magic Kingdom and the new Naturey one, whatever that's called :)

  13. Deep fried money? Why would someone waste precious money like that? Not like you could really hand that to some checker person a piece of deep fried money. They'd be like, "WTF? I'm not taking that greasy shizz."

    1. Exactly. Why deep fry money? Murica!
      We're so weird. Gotta love us *shrugs*

  14. I'm still laughing at "8 Reasons Condiments are Like Forest Animals." Have a good weekend on vacation.


    1. Hahaha I did really want to write that list, especially w Black Forest Ham in mind! But I already babble way too much off topic!
      Thanks! You have a great 4th!

  15. oh my god, i think i've been using twitter all wrong (full disclosure, i don't really use twitter. but i know i should). i love your word game genius and the photoshopped pic!!