F.O. Soup Original Recipe, Extra Spicy

This is by request, it's the same as the last one but this was my original version. Since FO Soup was my first recipe, I had gone back and taken the swear words out when I posted it. I like swearing, and when a swear organically happens I usually leave it, but for my first time doing a recipe I was thinking:

1. I had a few drinks at this point, and the swears seemed excessive,
B. It was sounding a little "Food Renegade" the guy who does those really crazy swearing food posts, didn't want to copy, 
3. Recipe pinners don't seem like fans of swearing, & mostly
D. I didn't want people to think the RECIPE is a joke, it's not. This soup is really good, and pretty easy to make, especially for how good it is. 

Two people said they wanted to see the original post, I had it in Word on my laptop, so voila. You'll see the swearing doesn't add that much, but it does make my immature self chuckle. (This isn't even the whole FIRST version, where I rambled and rambled and had to take tons of crapola out. This is what was saved.)

If you don't enjoy swearing, and you WOULD like to see a recipe for simple, delicious French Onion Soup, a clean version is available here:

FO Soup, Extra Spicy:
Stands for French Onion soup, but it's so freaking good if you piss someone off, just make them this soup and then, whatever upset them? F.Off!

If I am sharing a recipe, you can bet your ass it’s either:
A. Really fucking easy, or
2. Really fucking good.
This is really fucking both. 

You can make a big ass pot of it, and then you'll want to eat just that all day or weekend. It has ancient mystical hoodoo healing powers, and it’s so good you could even eat this as hangover food. Just make it the night before. The next day add a Bloody Mary and Advil, and I guarantee the BEST hangover cure of all time, or your money back, Jack.

This would be perfect to eat while watching Game of Thrones. Pretend like it’s what they made out of the onions smuggled by the Onion Knight. Drink red wine out of huge goblets and dress in suits of armor. Huzzah!

People don’t usually even read the WORDS with a recipe, so I’ll get on with it.

Here is what we use to make a big ass pot. You do whatever the hell you want, but here is what we did, and we thought it was delicious.

What makes this kick all forms of ass is the finishing touch, when you order in a restaurant, they melt cheese over the top. Because CHEESE. If you’re vegan or Plutonion, I can’t really help you. With anything. Well not anything you want to put in your mouth.

Shit You’ll Need:
3-4 Large onions (we use sweet-ass Vidalia)
Beef Bullion/Stock – we used 8 (Salty? Mmm, yeah.)
Worchester Sauce – we use ½ cup (I know, but it's good)
Butter - About 1/2 stick (Worth it)
Pinch Salt/Pepper  - whatever else you like

Shit You Can Add If You Want To:
Bread for Toast – we prefer Polish Rye, no seeds
Cheese to melt over the top – We use Provolone or Horseradish
Red wine – whatever you have, even shitty wine is fine

First things first, obviously open the wine. Pour yourself a glass. I hate cooking so let’s get comfy. If it’s really shitty wine, say the kind you win in a raffle at a charity event, just squeeze some orange/lemon/lime into it, whatever you have. If you want to sweeten it up, add some amaretto or some shit like that, until you’re able to swallow it. Anything is fixable.

Save about ½ cup wine to add to the soup. If you forget, don’t even worry. Sometimes we don’t add any wine, and it’s delicious anyway.

Chop the onions, cook in butter on low. Cook in a thin layer, use two pans if you don’t want to stand there stirring forever like a chump.

Cook about 15-20 minutes on low, until just BEFORE they are translucent, or clear if you don’t speak like my husband. Don’t overcook them. You don't want that onion magic juice prematurely ejaculating into your pan, you need it to impregnate your soup with flavor. 

While they are cooking, boil 12 cups of water in a large pot. 

When the water is boiling, add:
8 boullion cubes, 
1/2 cup Worchester, and 
1/2 cup wine. 

Be sure to hydrate yourself as well, you can drink the rest of the wine. This isn't a Dos Exxis commercial, don't stay thirsty my friends.

Dump the onions in the water, Cook on low for 3 hours or so. If it’s too watery, add stock/bouillon, and if it is too salty, add more water. You can eat it now, it gets better the longer you leave it. Like wine snobs tell you to let wine breathe, but my wine a screwtop is immediately ready.

This is a perfect soup to make ahead of time. Heat it up for company, or leave in a crock pot. This works best for a visit from say a snobby Great Aunt, as onions make people gassy! Might be a good 4th or 5th date soup. Between the gas and the soup making your nose run, you'll get a realistic look at this joker before you decide to make it exclusive.

When you’re ready to serve/eat ladle up ¾ of a bowl of this shit, add toasted bread, and top the whole bowl with cheese. Fuck yeah, cheese!

We usually use Provolone, but we saw Horseradish cheese and HAD to try it, because Booger Season is coming. Soup is good medicine, and horseradish is an awesome decongestant. It tasted wonderful. The cheese and soup that is, not post nasal drip. That tastes like raw oysters, without the sexy side effects.

Broil the cheesy, toasty bowl(s) on a cookie until the cheese is golden and melty. Like this. I know right?

If you haven't already, open another bottle of wine. Be happy, bitches! You made soup. You deserve it. 

When the cheese is golden and the bowls come out, you could throw some fresh basil or whatever the fuck herbs you can score on top, but it’s really not necessary. She’s good to GO.

I think we can all agree I made the right call in taking out the swearing and rewording. Hope it made you chuckle.


  1. I like this version better. But in fairness, I read this one first. Then the other. :D By then, the one where you don't sound like a swearing sailor just looked boring. :D And cooking should at least be made funny since it does suck.

    1. And I read "F.O. Soup, Original Recipe" as "Fuck off soup" in my head, which I know actually means French Onion, but it sounded more interesting. :D

    2. Ha. I wrote FO soup on the paper where he wrote the ingredients and it totally cracked me up!
      I like THIS version better, too! Those reasons though...
      Thanks for reading both! The soup is worth it.

  2. My wife always adds from the 'shit you can add if you want to' list. Sometimes it's good, sometimes not so good...

    1. I do that, too. My husband always tell me to at least follow the recipe exactly the FIRST time, but that seems boring. And it's probably also why I am not a great cook.

  3. Love your version of French Onion soup. You should write a whole cookbook like this!