2013-09-06

Man Buns, Like Em?

from magic107.com Yes, Magic 107, me likey the long hair.
this hairstyle was examined by a blog far from the gentrified streets of Brooklyn, the Red Dirt Chroniclesin March of 2011: I somewhat accidentally discovered the continual twisting of a pony tail will eventually roll up into a bun. And double-wrap a hair band around said bun and it is almost like a temporary shearing. Amazing! And, it fits around the inside straps of a hard hat.

In case that sound was NOT your panties hitting the floor, (it was mine) you might be wondering why in the name of garlic balls am I posting this. 

For one thing, I was kind of kicked off of Twitter (good advice, btw, my tweets were mad stupid today) and told to “piss off Twitter and get to writing.” If you follow me on Twitter, you can thank Lizzi ofConsiderings blog for that. She’s quite the motivational tweeter. And you can blame her for this lame-ass post.

The foremost thing on my mind today are the results of my latest chat with my friend Google. We talk often, because you would literally not believe the gaping holes in my knowledge of all things. I needed to know what in the wide world of sports a ‘Katherine Hepburn bun’ is. 

Why? Indeed. For a wedding, in which my 3 year old daughter is supposed to be the “Botanical Disperser” tomorrow. (I am quoting that phrase directly from the wedding web site.) I hear Botanical Disperser and I immediately think THIS:
 
from amystewart.com
THIS, my friends is a freaking Botanical Disperser. Good luck getting my 3 yr old to carry that shit down the aisle. Wearing a freaking bun and sunglasses. Do you have to actually KNOW my daughter to find that hilarious? I don’t know.

But wait, it gets better. 

Just TODAY I received a picture involving a black tutu (the bride is making) and pearls and sunglasses. According to Google, sunglasses are part of this Katherine Hepburn look. That should be nothing but smooth on a dramatic 3 year old. Wait, it gets better.

Also? I may have mentioned the wedding is TOMORROW and we do not have the dress from the bride yet. 

There is a rehearsal today at 4:00, but we’re not invited to that. 

But wait, like an infomercial for something that slices and dices, THERE’S MORE.

My husband refuses to get a babysitter for the baby tomorrow for the wedding and reception, even though she is a virtual shark-nado of disaster everywhere she goes. The ceremony starts at 6:30pm with the reception to follow, and her bedtime is 8:00. She will be a hot mess by 9:00. That is his Exit Strategy. I know, he’s an eeeevil genius and I’m sorry Ladies, he’s taken.
from billerico.com

I will keep you posted if (when) the Fit hits the SHan tomorrow. 

Did you ever see the wedding episode of the Brady Bunch? Where Tiger runs over the cake (or whatever, not getting lost in Google again) and the cat is running amok over all the tables? I picture it something like that, but with toddlers instead of animals.

It should make for a great story, some day, but probably a horrible day tomorrow. 
 from m.blog.daum.com
I hope I am allowed to pack my special large Capri-Sun bags.

Which I empty and fill with booze using a flask funnel. 

Because yes I am. 

You know for the kids, they have to stay hydrated.

With my luck, it will be the ONE day ever the baby actually behaves and then we are stuck for hours at a wedding with a 1-year old and a 3-year old. Which is fine, they are the darling, entertaining fruit of my loins, and I will be packing booze. I hardly leave the house without it. 

You might think there would be an open bar, but based on the circumstances, I am willing to bet it will be a cash bar. Either way, there WILL be booze, and I do have an 18-year old son, who can DRIVE us home. Which is why we are even going in the first place.

At the risking of sounding cynical, it's just that I absolutely loathe weddings with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. They are an All-You-Can-Stand-Buffet of party manners, fake beauty and political correctness. 

I know, it's just me. Normal people probably find weddings fun. What do I know? I'm weird.

Back to something entertaining.

Here are a few other things that Google vomited at me when I searched “Katherine Hepburn bun,” including a scrote-ton of brownie recipes (her fave apparently) and rando cinnamon buns.
Does this look dirty, or just me?
 from bakingintotheether.com
from wwkhd.blogspot.com

15 comments:

  1. How in the world does the glove in the lake fit in?! Oh my word but this is SO FUNNY.

    I said WRITE, not CAR CRASH!

    Love it though, and hope the hairdo and outfit go well, otherwise go with pigtails and a cute princess dress. Everyone will be too busy cooing to notice that she's out of kilter with the rest of the decor (if that even gets done in time)

    The cakes look...disturbing, yeah.

    GOOD LUCK :D

    ReplyDelete
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    1. hahahaha this is why I don't blog on the fly often. Uglier than a fallen wedding cake.
      Lola (3 yr old) will look adorable, and the baby? Will be a tiny, little Taz.
      The glove in the lake, the only reason THAT showed up is because the name of the blog it was posted to is "What Would Katherine Hepburn Do." Because, yeah, I HAD to find out, too!
      Thanks for kicking me off of Twitter, this blog was getting DUSTY from lack of posts (other than the blog hop, which is all thought out and done by someone else, obvy.)

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    2. Taz=Tasmanian Devil, a total spaz character from Looney Toons. You might be too young for that reference :)

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  2. I really hope we get a follow-up post of the wedding!

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    1. Can do. It will be my luck now that she will behave for the first time ever and it will be uneventful, but I'm still packing booze. So there's that.

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  3. The "Botanical Disperser"?! Since when is "Flower Girl" inappropriate? It's a GIRL attempting to toss FLOWER PETALS onto an aisle without having a nervous breakdown with 200 perfectly nice strangers staring at her. And she doesn't even get to practice? And you don't have a dress yet? And you have to figure out the so-called Katherine Hepburn bun and figure out how to keep sunglasses on a 3yo?

    I fail to see how this ends well. Hope the bride takes a Xanax.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. She buttered her bread, as the saying goes, now she can lie in it.
      I'm making it an hysterical disaster in my head, and it may be completely uneventful. Time will tell!

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  4. Oh my....I cannot wait for the follow up post for this! If your little ones are anything like my brat is, this whole thing will end in disaster. Especially when it came time for the flower "dispensing". LOL I am already picturing it in my head. Some brides don't think things out very well, do they? :)

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    1. Certainly not in this case. Today is the day, no dress and no idea what my daughter is to do. I just hope she has fun, and isn't embarrassed or nervous.

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  5. Replies
    1. Thank you. We can use any help we can get.

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  6. The recurring theme of this blog post seems to be booze. Sounds like you're going to need a lot of it!

    You and I have the same thoughts on weddings. Been to a bunch of weddings. Some good, but most boring and annoying. Most of them are divorced now. I "conveniently have a business trip or vacation" planned when we get those invites now. Just send a gift and nice card. Don't ruin my damn weekend! Oh, and a cash bar???? Lame-O!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. hahaha that seems to be the theme of a LOT of my posts lately. Oh wells.
      Good planning on the weddings. If you've been to one, you've pretty much been to them all. Very few weddings I've been to have been actual fun, my sister had a luau wedding in her backyard, that was fun. My 2nd wedding was pretty fun, we went to Vegas. The chapel did EVERYTHING, even sent a limo to and from.

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  7. You've been nominated for the Oh So Fabulous Award. Check it here: http://completeblissblog.blogspot.com/2013/09/oh-so-fabulous-ward.html :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Lord, THANK YOU! I can't wait to check it out!

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