2014-04-12

TToT: Sexy Storms, Appliances and The Floppy Spider of the Sea

It's been an overwhelmingly busy week. One of those "just try to get through this day" but every day kind of weeks. I'm thankful for things we have now like dishwashers, washing machines, and frozen dinners even though.....
Followed directions very carefully
This was yesterdays dinner. It kept us alive, but barely. If I were a food critic, I would call this dish
"GLUTEN for punishment" 
and really let me have it, with info about preservatives.

Thankfully, being a mom, like being a blogger is a job without a paycheck which means I CAN'T GET FIRED. Wait, am I really thankful for that? Yes, yeah ok, yes I am. And I'm super thankful that our insurance covers mental health, we started with family counseling this past week for all the teenager stress, and we'll see where it goes from there. I hope I can still post to this blog from whatever rubber room they lock me up in, we'll see how the wifi is.

I'm thankful to the moon and back Tinny, my son, started another job this week. He already quit. However, at least it means he's still actively LOOKING and APPLYING to jobs to supplement his part-time gig. This was door-to-door sales-type stuff. It sucked but he's a kid that needs to learn things for himself, so this lesson: Done. And I didn't tell him that his quitting means I blessedly have a few days where I don't have to run him to TWO JOBS, this last one never knowing when/where he had to be picked up, but he always had to be picked up AFTER the busses stopped running. Barf.

Kaley Cuoco (not sure how you pronounce that but when I heard a radio DJ talking about this article, the sounds he made trying to pronounce it sounded like whale song. I was waiting for Dory & Marlin to 'just keep swimming' by.) 

Anyhoo, the blonde from Big Bang Theory did an interview with some shiny magazine whose name escapes me, and she apparently said that her decision to get breast implants 10 years ago was quote "the best decision of her life." The DJ went on to feel sad and sorry for her for about half an hour, and I found the whole thing hilarious.

I'm sure she cares about your pity, being so busy finding banks big enough to cash her giant TELEVISION show checks, with a drive-through window for riding her unicorn. 

Second, good for her for talking about and not trying to be shady. Do whatever you have to do, gurl, get you some bewbies if that makes you a better you. I would donate mine if I could, they're a huge waste in my life. I've blogged before about needing a "Give a boob, take a boob" tray. Take mine, please.

Third, if she were an average everyday very young girl and not a Hollywood star, I might feel that she should look within to make life better using her mind, but she's in a very shallow industry in a very shallow country, and she did something quite a lot of people in that industry do, and you can't argue with the results. 
Before                                           After
Yeah, I know. Know what I can't? EVEN.
Pity need not apply. Pity can have a bus-full of seats.
from herinterestcom
I laughed my hams off when my husband told me years ago that he thinks plastic surgery and water bras are "false advertising." This is coming from a man who wears green colored contacts, ladies and gents. It's all marketing, we do what we do when we do what we do. Make-up, high heels, hair dye, hell even figure-flattering clothing, let he or she who has not used any of these cast the first Spanx. 

But they can't because the Amish don't read my blog. I'm not all about carrier pigeons or whatever. One thing at a time.

This post is part of a hop, that's more than a hop about Ten Things of Thankful. Click there to link up and tell us anything you're thankful for.

Last week one of the hostina of that blog hop, Lizzi of Considerings blog took a secret mission and wrote a story to fill in the blanks of a dream I had. I only remembered a few seconds of it, and she did SUCH a great job! I ate up the story, and it left me wanting MORE. She's a genius with fiction. Here's the link, I apologize for when you get to the bottom and you want to read more. That's what good writing does. Not my writing, where you start skimming to get to the bottom and you're exhausted and like "OH thank gods that is finally over!"

Speaking of my weird ramblings, I did a super weird post (yes, even for me) this week about my toaster.
Yeah, it's weird
Whatever you're thinking, it's probably worse. That's a link if you're not easily offended by the objectification of sexy household appliances.



Last week my bloggy friend, writer of Jeneral Insanity blog, which I HIGHLY recommend, posted this video on Facebook. I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats. I'll watch it again and again. True facts about the octopus, the floppy spider of the sea.

I'm thankful for the Spring weather we finally had, two whole beautiful days of partly to mostly cloudy with no rain, which means of course now we must PAY. This weekend's forecast calls for thunderstorms, hail and "damaging winds" because as I've said before, the Midwest is Mother Nature's bastard stepchild that she secretly hates. 

Peruse this phallic weather map if you don't believe me:
This johnson brought to by Lake & McHenry County News Facebook page
We're going to get SO SCREWED the weather forecast contains a giant penis.







30 comments:

  1. We're a society concerned with objectifying and appearances..it's scary!!

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    Replies
    1. I know, and my sexy toaster post doesn't help, does it? I'm not part of the solution I'm part of the problem. But you know what they say, if you can't beat em......

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  2. lol

    (I'll be back with the rest of my commentationing)

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  3. I went looking for the lyrics to Prince's homage de toaster... don't think I can work them into this Post lol

    (For the record, something has changed and I find the most delicious of toast to be the burnt to a crisp variety. Maybe it's a charcoal deficiency, I don't know, but since my toaster doesn't go to 11, I simply watch for the smoke. lol, when you put butter on toast in this category you can actually hear it sizzle....)
    missed you last night at the vidchat... we had some rather cool new visitors and the reglars too

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    Replies
    1. I hard never heard this toasty poetry! My sister and Iron Chef Michael Symon introduced me to the concept of charring, meat, cheese, veg, it definitely has it's own unique flavor. Especially in chili and tacos, the charred meat adds another layer of flavor. The toast thing? I like hiatus theory on charcoal deficiency.

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  4. I LIKE THIS. And I read all the way to the end, with penis-rain and the floppy sea-spider (don't get me started though - I adore octopuses, and they're SO SMART and just awesome, incredible, mind-blowing creatures. So there)

    GOOD FOR KALEY CUOCO (kwo-co). Because if I had the money and wasn't saving to come visit y'all, and if I could somehow convince myself that I really *should* be finding my happiness inside myself (wait,,,that sounded...) I would TOTALLY GET MINE DONE. Ack. Especially since all this exercise, they've turned into crappy shrivelldy NOTHINGS. So I'm definitely in the queue for the 'take a boob' tray...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. there you go again! did I (or did I not) proffer the compliment based on being an octopus (aka Sea Huggers) last night? I totally meant it in all of the positive qualities that the Beatles iterated so many years ago!

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    2. They ARE smart! I originally shared a story about an octopus in a MI aquarium, he kept trashing his tank display, until they started doing things like putting his food inside jars with LIDs! Turned out he was just bored. When they challenged his mind he stopped trashing his tank.

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  5. did he say praiiiiignant and bebeeees? That video is very funny... Missed you last night... I finally made it back to vid chat... when is the trip in June?

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    Replies
    1. I knew I forgot something... I couldnt recall what I wanted to say when I got to the comments so you have to put up with my return... Have you read Cannery Row by Steinbeck... wonderful book and has a lovely sort of thing about the octopus...

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    2. The trip is right around June 10. I'll have to email you the exact info and we can chat.
      I have not read that book, sounds very interesting!!

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  6. Replies
    1. penile formation... the pissiest of all weather fronts...

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    2. Hahaha this guy is throwing around his giant package trying to intimidate us, and they name storms after women!

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  7. My boyfriend recently found those True Facts videos on YouTube. He can't stop watching them.

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    Replies
    1. The voice is amazing, and the writing is really funny.

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  8. Giant penis! Breast implants! What goodness this contains!

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    Replies
    1. The bad kind of goodness, my favorite.

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  9. Hey do not knock the water bras. Sometimes you need a little something something to perk them babies up in a dress. Speaking of boobs...penis...hahah!!!

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    Replies
    1. I'm not knocking the knockers at all! I say do what you have to, if it makes you happy it can't be that bad. Mine are nothing but trouble but if my jugs got me a job with Sheldon Cooper I would be titilated.

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  10. I'm a stay at home mama too so I to am thankful for dishwashers, slow cookers, and frozen meals because let's face it, we can't get fired so we gotta do what we gotta do.
    ....and holy crap flying condom on the map. Yikes!

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    Replies
    1. True. Some days, in any job, are better than others. There are always times when one child needs extra attention/action, etc., and then you have to cut some corners to make up for that time. They'll survive, and learn to roll with it. That penis must be upon is, as there is a ton of moisture coming from the sky :)

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  11. Joy, you have got to be one of the funniest people alive! I love reading your blog because I know, I KNOW I'm going to leave it laughing! Good for Kaley! I'm glad she's happy with her girls. The penis on the map...too funny!
    I absolutely loved what Lizzi did with the few moments of a dream you gave her! I think you should send her more!
    "Clams are stupid. There. I said it." Ha! Do you realize I just left your blog to watch true facts videos on You Tube?
    Well, I did.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The voice alone is worth the price of admission! Lizzi did do a great job. She has quite a talent with fiction. Like all of my favorite writers, I always want to read MORE.
      I'm so glad you enjoy it. Nothing better than a chuckle or a laugh, IMHO.

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  12. "Cuoco" is pronounced "caca." Oh, sorry, I'm just thinking about the Big Bang Theory...

    That poor, poor beautiful blonde girl, having to put up with not-gigantic breasts. As a guy, let me tell you how many times I've kicked a woman out of bed because her breasts were not big enough.

    (Zero. That number would be zero. Seriously, boobs are boobs. And if they're in your face, then you're probably gonna be pretty damn happy no matter what size they are)

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    Replies
    1. If only Hollywood shared your accepting opinion of sizes and shapes!

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  13. Are you trying to tell me that your sexy toaster hasn't had any cosmetic surgery?

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    Replies
    1. No not at all. Her color, like most of my various hair colors don't exist in nature. I'm saying, use any resources available in self marketing. It's all fair game.

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  14. LOL. I'm always thankful for penis apparitions, especially phallic weather maps.

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  15. Thank goodness the weather penis was erect; otherwise, the forecast would have been very bad for us....

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