Both involved working with children, but in an office situation you get lulled into a false sense of adult security by all the computers, uncomfortable business attire and coffee breath. But then before 10am, you've been called away from the nearly impossible billing magic trick you're trying to pull of, just to watch freaking cat videos and break up a fight about marked or unmarked food in the communal refrigerator.
My former co-workers (the alleged adults) had disgusting bathroom habits from not flushing to not washing their hands to not cleaning up their pumped-out baby food, and worse biohazards you REALLY don't want to hear about, but at least in an office I wasn't in charge of wiping anyone's anything.
My new co-workers never go way over deadline gossiping, or talk about American Idol until I want to jam sharp office supplies into my ear holes. They do sing "Let It Go' from Disney's Frozen after I caved and rented it from the $2 video store down the street. 3 times now.
Yes, I know that eventually it will be cheaper to buy it, but also if we own it? I can't say, "Sorry, the store's closed." Can you put a price on THAT? No, no you can't.
I miss office pranks something fierce. In my old jobs I could for example, let off some steam and simultaneously remind someone of their least favorite client by wallpapering every single inch of their cubicle with returned mailers from that client. Also inside all of their storage shelves and desk drawers, any anywhere else I could get into.
|No, this is not mine unforch. It was like this, only with client mailers. |
The HOFF pics ARE better, though. from Pinterest
Working with toddlers, pranking is generally frowned upon. They also never fall for that whole,
"Your credit card company called to verify a $7,000 charge today."
One guy really yelled at his wife over that one before I had the chance to explain that it was just me, just kidding. Whoopsy.
Toddlers on the other hand? It's a scientific fact that toddlers are the LEAST funny individuals on planet Earth, despite maniacally laughing at their own evil destruction. You might think wearing a cute clown mask to greet them in the morning would be funny, but you would be dead-on-balls wrong. And definitely greeted with screaming tears. And possibly tiny fists of fury. Toddler humor is a very oddly specific art, where only adults being in actual, physical pain seems to make them happy. Say, bumping my head or falling on the floor, or fighting off a nervous breakdown. I'm not playing to that room. Not on purpose anyway.
Managing projects is quiet different in my new gig. I used to arrange a meeting(s) of all people involved to lay out a general timeline, making sure everyone is on board with their part. All team members were clear on their individual goals, and we would have follow-up meetings to see how things were coming along (or not.) Now my projects are handed to me, like it or not, without so much as a pretense of pretending to care about my opinion.
I'm told what the goal is, and when the light is green, even if it couldn't be more red. Or yellow and brown in the case of Force potty-training (and I'm not talking Star Wars) a 2 year old, who can't talk or even pull down his own pants, much less control the muscles responsible for holding in his bodily fluids. The Father wants to stop paying for diapers, so now it's my problem how to make that happen with someone who can't even get their junk, much less their fluids into a potty hole once I've placed him on it. That's all I'm going to say, except:
If you feel like you get dumped on at work, walk a mile in my bathroom.
The pay is much different, even how I'm compensated. Instead of my pay being directly deposited into my bank account, so I can cover the expenses of the job, in my case feeding other human beings that eat several times during my work day, now I have to actually ASK (beg at times) for each and every payment. Half the time I'm put off for a myriad of reasons no adult person would ever offer instead of payment in any other situation anywhere else in the adult world.
Imagine your mortgage company calls you to ask for your house payment, and you casually walk away telling them you forgot your checkbook. Or you're running late, you'll get them later. Or listing a bunch of things you recently had to pay for that have nothing to do with them, that made you come up short.
How do you think the electric company would respond to that one? That's right, after they hung up on you, you would be trying to dial them back up IN THE DARK because they would turn your crap right off. Assuming the phone company hadn't already turned your phone off for not paying because you didn't feel like it yet, even though the service you pay for WAS ALREADY PROVIDED. If you were at a restaurant, ate your meal and upon the waiter giving you the check, you rattled off everything you had to pay for that week-----okay, I think you get the idea. Point is, PAY people who provide services to you. It's literally the least you can do. It's what you agreed to do.
This job does come with benefits I have never had before, smiles, giggles, hugs, nine thousand crayon drawings every week and even "Thank you"s at times. I'm glad I'm able to work from home, don't get me wrong, even if it means making a LOT of sacrifices financially, and not having a lunch break, or bathroom break alone, or any break, or 5 seconds to be allowed to finish a thought or speak like an actual intelligible adult.
This whole post probably doesn't make any sense, as I have yet to be able to read even a single sentence all the way through to try to proof-read it. Am I going to publish it anyway? Yes, I am. Interacting through this blog is 95% of my only adult interaction, so THANK YOU for reading, and especially those of you who comment and remind me THERE ARE GROWN UPS out there. Somewhere.
Enjoy your lunch breaks if you get em! I'll be over here oooh'ing and ahhh'ing over my stick figure drawings.