Fanny Paddles and Firenado

Something I saw reminded me of the Fanny Paddles we had hanging all over the house (even in the garage) as a kid. It never dawned on me to wonder WHY we had these, I mean we had 5 bratty kids, and my father was a huge brat. I just figured people gave a gross of these to my parents every time they had another child. They were well used.

Found on Etsy, all sold out! 

I posted it to my mom's FB wall and she explained:
"They were made at the company we worked for. Dads dept printed the label and my dept glued it on the paddle."
It's strange, and now quite pleasant, for me to think of my parets as young, working together, or any time they actually got along. I don't remember a time in my life when they didn't fight. They always had separate bedrooms as far back as I can remember. Obviously there were plenty of times they got along (they had 5 kids,) but my brain doesn't seem to remember that far back. 
Anyone else remember Fanny Paddles?

This week I wrote a guest post, that's a link if you want a laugh at teenagers' expense. I don't normally do guest posts, because of reasons, but it went fairly well. I wrote about REAL crappenings in my life, my least favorite subject, whatever you call what my son is going through. Thankfully the situation isn't getting any worse, we're doing things. I wrote some things about how I'm motivating my teen. People came, read and commented. I felt like a real blogger. For a couple days anyway.

Speaking of REAL bloggers, this is part of a new age movement to turn all the garbage the week has thrown at you into Ten Things of Thankful. Click hErE to join in.

I'm totally thankful I found this HEEEELARIOUS video of someone talking about my fave Game of Thrones character, Tyrion. I'm Chico, Tyrion is The Man. If you're not caught up on the show, there are SPOILERS so you may want to sit this one out. Also if you don't like SWEARS or HILARIOUS knee-slapping laughter with a side order of madcrazy joy and happiness, then you shouldn't watch...or read anything on this blog.

I know, right? I LOVE HER. I watched this 3 times.
"....if you don't watch Game of Thrones, I don't know what in the criminey F^*# is goin on with your life...and your strength of character." 
"Tyr-EEE-ON is the Mutha-F__in' truth."
I'm subscribed, send me all the issues/videos of her talking every minute of every day.

I had some medical tests, all the results are in and the bad news is: I'm going to live longer. 
Kidding. 
I mean I am going to live longer, kidding about the real actual bad news, which is not going to shock anyone: 
I need to live a more healthy life. 

I know, I can hardly believe it either. You should have seen how shocked I pretended to be. An Oscar-worthy performance, but I didn't submit my performance to the academy. If they snub Leo, they'll snub me too. Jerks.

They sent me a list of (*audible gasp*) low-cholesterol foods, and suggested...*fanning myself* exercise. Seriously. Can you imagine? That goes against everything I stand for, and the whole philosophy behind Comfytown. My shelf life will be considerably dicey until I get my cholesterol down a little, and activity level up. So I do apologize in advance for all the swearing and bad moods you might see posted in the near future from me.

Oh Twitter, I can tell you anything. Mostly b/c my tweets are almost all ignored.

Thankfully I give zero sh|ts about fitness, muscles, thinness, fitting into sexy (hahaha I can't even) clothes ever again, so I don't need to go on an all-kale diet. Have I told you lately how much I freaking HATE kale? A LOT. I would rather eat a live spider. I don't need to EVER hire a personal trainer (I'd rather you just kill me) I only need to eat lower cholesterol foods, and increase my activity level from my current

from melissamcclone.com

"Coma Patient" 
to at least
"Elderly Physical Therapy Patient." 

For starters anyway. 

Don't worry, I won't be posting obnoxious workout selfies and movitational vomit. Maybe just funny 'action' selfies, walking while tweeting and/or holding a beer. Come ON, I need some motivation.

I'm thankful to the moon and back for my 20 yr old basement treadmill, that's twen-ty, not two, the longevity secret is hardly using it. I can't afford a gym membership right now, and our weather is bi-polar: either South Pole or North Pole.

It took me from 9:00am until almost 3:00pm to log a whopping total of 30 minutes on the treadmill on Friday. If you have small kids, you know. 

.

The view behind me on the treadmill, BOTH kids wouldn't stop playing and throwing toys onto the treadmill

Unless you can also afford a gym membership, and/or daycare, nannies, or are some super-human workout obsessed goddess like Maria Kang. 

This is the poetry you're missing if you don't follow my Instagram

I was thinking about Maria after this week when Michael Jackson's Xscape album dropped. Yes, in case you're wondering Michael Jackson DID die 5 years ago. He hasn't let that stop the music.

I don't know if you remember Maria Kang, she's the "Fit Mom" that pissed off millions of regular moms with her photo of herself and her ripped abs straddling her 3 kids with her (obnoxious) motivational message: 
"What's Your Excuse?" 
I don't have issue with her, I can ignore a LOT of obnoxiousness, but I was so ready to Kickbox Ultimate Fight her to the Death this week. Or at least tell stupid jokes with her in them.

Even more entertaining are the comments below this video on YouTube, a sneak peek at the recently dropped album.

Some actually commented "This is so fake, Michael Jackson is dead." True, but he's still putting out never-heard-before music. He still proves: There is no such thing as bad PR.

A new Godzilla movie is out, and I'm so thankful people keep making these crazy movies. I don't care if they're campy or corny, bring it. I've never been a fan of reality anyway.

from cnn.com

Action movies are my favorite, and I especially love all things fantasy, comic book, and super over-the-top crazy characters. THIS GUY looks amazing. I cannot WAIT to see this!

In 2-3 years when it comes to our $2 video store.

Speaking of our crazy weather, Friday morning Chicagoland had SNOW in certain areas and in the forecast, causing my entire Facebook feed to be put on suicide watch. 


Snow in May sucks, but at least we don't have wildfires, like they're currently having in San Diego. 

And we will probably never have a Firenado. 


You guessed it, that is the combination of Fire + Tornado.

When I saw the word "Firenado" I immediately thought, that has to be media hyperbole, it can't be REAL. Oh, it's real. Ground-level wind can carry flames UP INTO THE air like the devil's projectile vomit. Only in California could you have tornado-like winds without enough rain to put out the fire, because God hates California especially. You could not pay me enough to be a fireman there, can you imagine seeing this? 

You graduate the Fire Academy, it's your first gig, you're all excited and gussied up in your fireman costume, you arrive at the scene to see THIS?! A TORNADO of freaking fire? Oh no, sir, no thank you. I quit. I'll be talking to Flow from Progressive about selling insurance in a safe, boring cubicle under florescent lighting if anyone needs me, thanks. Peace out, homies.

This might be awesome in a horror movie, but in real life? This is terrifying. I hope no one is badly injured, and the air quality is not as bad as they expecting, with winds changing from over sea to over the land. 

I'll just be over here quietly shivering in ComfyTown SHUTting all of my UPs about a little snow.  

This has to be 10 things. Probably more like 30. Sorry. 

from revjohnhill.org

This bird reminds me of my Aunt Mernie's bird, Jonathon, who used to wolf whistle, cat call, imitate people on the phone and say rando cray things like 
"Wanna pizza bagel?" 
That sounds a lot more funny in a bird voice.

Failure To Launch: Motivating Young Adults

I knew raising a teenager wasn’t going to be easy. I tipped a dinosaur or two in my rebellious hayday. What I wasn’t prepared for was raising an adult. Well, an 18 year old anyway, who still needs raising.

The handbook on raising ADHD/ODD adults (adults in-age anyway) should be called "50 Shades of Nay." The Netflix-only series would be "Orange Is The New No Freaking Way."

We’ve taken to family counseling after drinking heavily didn’t magically clear up all the stress-induced acne. My acne, I mean. My teen’s skin is as clear as tumbler of vodka and angel’s tears. Our counselor made an analogy to different types of young adults, and I like it.

He said there are young adults that are Launched and In Orbit. They know they’re path, they’re following goals, they’re on their way.

Some are Launched, but Not Yet In Orbit. They have some idea, they’re doing things,  learning from mistakes, trying.

Then there are young adults who are Not Launched, Not In Orbit. They don’t know their path, they’re not sure what to do, or particularly seem to care where to go, or how to get there.

I call my son’s first semester after high school Houston: We Have A Problem. Instead of reporting to the launch pad, he was at the bar with the astronauts of the 60’s, having a high ball to calm the nerves.

Today I’m at Menopausal Mother’s blog to talk about how I deal with this unique individual approaching adulthood. Check it out, click below:
http://www.menopausalmom.com/2014/05/wacky-wednesday-writers-guest-post-by_14.html

Find out what THIS has to do with it, unless you remember this moment from my Facebook page.

Showering at the Park and Disney at Hogwarts

I love a good mashup. Ever been curious to know how Disney characters would be sorted by house at Hogwarts? 
You are now. Click *HERE* to read the full story.

from hitfix.com 

I had some non-superbig-fun but non-invasive medical tests this week, thankfully nothing serious. I'm somehow low in vitamin D despite a mulitivitamin, extra vitamin D pills and drinking milk. My body needs the D! Ooor it just doesn't work right. Thankfully in the waiting room I got a moment to FINALLY crack open Janet Evanovich's "Takedown Twenty." 

So there goes writing and/or blogging for the rest of the week until I'm done catching up with Stephanie, Lula (my spirit animal) and crazy Grandma Mazur.

Except for this post, which is part of the Ten Things of Thankful. Click here to join in and tell us what you're thankful for this week. Even if it's sarcastic, we can take it.

Warmer weather, being outside, the new trampoline and parks are keeping my kids busy and wiping them out. 

They're exhausted at the end of the day, and they've been sleeping in! Well, kid sleeping in, which is 7-7:30a.m.

Wednesday we were at "Sunny park" you may remember as the closest park from Lola's Park Reviews, and somehow, someway the water fountain was broken/rigged/upgraded depending on how you look at it, to spray water a few feet up in the air. It was my kids' best day in a long time. They got soaked, hydrated and bathed all while playing. Bonus.

Their sleeping in Wednesday morning allowed me to an extra timely post about my (ranty) thoughts about Mother's Day. 

And that post allowed me to find THIS mesmerizing picture, of a bologna rose. If you need to swear but you can't swear, say "Bologna roses!" You're welcome for this inspiration for your next fancy brunch centerpiece-slash-entree, and/or your next tattoo.

Thanks Pinterest. Stay classy.

I'm thankful that since my mother doesn't make a huge deal of our birthdays, we don't feel obligated to make a big deal of Mother's Day. My sister, Moe, has a fantastic cookout at her house, thank all the gods. 

Thankful to the moon and back for my sisters, who have helped me more than I can express and given me good examples of modern Mom-ing, with style, flair, booze, cigarettes and taking ZERO crap about any of that. From their kids or anyone else. I wouldn't have made it this far, with everyone in tact, without that. That is fo' sho'.

Anyway, now on Mother's Day we meet up, smoke, drink and whatnot, but we don't have to buy elaborate (or any) presents. In fact, in 2008 I got married to my husband Mother's Day weekend in Vegas. 

If you want to plan a Vegas weekend, hotels and airfare are pretty cheap that weekend. Surprisingly people who fly to Vegas tend not to go as often that weekend. I know, I was a little shocked too. So that makes May 10th our SIXTH wedding anniversary. Somehow he can still stand me. Or he puts on a good show anyway. Meh, either way.

I'm also thankful our anniversary is by Mother's Day or I would completely forget. Actually I still do forget. I'm not a dates person. Plus it's just the legal part of it, who cares? We had already decided to start a life together, that's all that counts.

Counts for more than 10 in and of itself. 

This is our wedding picture, with my FIL, my Diane-in-law (FIL's girlfriend) and Elvis. Because OF COURSE Elvis was there. I love how the king is looking at my husband singing.

Hope you had a great weekend, whatever it means to you.

My Thoughts On Mother's Day: A Work In Progress

Warning: This is a bit of a not politically correct rant.

Guess whose mother hates Mother’s Day?

Probably a LOT of Moms, but you guessed it: my kids' mom. I like the IDEA of Mother’s Day, any family-based holiday can be whatever you make it. Besides my own issues between my ears, what is next-level annoying is the American tradition of taking a potentially meaningful situation and over-marketing it into Sharknado of Shame.

For years, I could not even be on the internet on days like Mother’s Day thanks to the barrage of eye-raping pixilated flower bouquets and empty wishes from every single corporation that ever existed just to get their BRAND in front of your face another time. Oh, and also ‘celebrate Moms,’ because nothing says “You deserve the best” like a picture on the internet of lunchmeat rolled into roses.

Sadly this was found on Pinterest, with instructions. Some PERSON, not named Oscar Meyer, actually wanted to do this and wanted you to know HOW to achieve it. 

Thanks for thinkin’ of us, Land O Lakes, I’m sure that rose-shaped butter blob really turned the whole day around for the people who haven’t spoken to the women they came out of for decades. How did you know?

Kudos Miracle Whip, I’m sure every person that wanted to have children and still hasn’t for whatever reason, feels all warm and oily inside from seeing your “Happy Mother’s Day” greeting spelled out in mayonnaise.

That is what 'Murican Mother's Day is all about. Spending your hard-earned cash on something Mom doesn't need and probably won't even like because marketing told you that you have to. And everyone else is doing it, so you'll feel bad if you don't. Then Mom has to pretend she likes it, because that's what mothers do.

Literally nothing sums up Motherhood more than Mother's Day morning. Mothers nation-wide pretending to love their crappy breakfast and whatever trinket they receive, so the gift giver(s) don't feel bad.

Don't get me started on the jewelry. I know what the intention is, but to me it feels like: 

"You only have TWO? I have FOUR!"
Thanks Zales, for adding the names
so everyone knows they're real.

"Give her the gift she's always wanted, and finally deserves, something with the birthstones of her children, to wear as some creepy merit badge to the world: 'Look, I went through with this many pregnancies.'

She can wear it every day as a constant reminder these children are the only reason she exists, and the only thing she could ever possibly be interested in ever again." 

Barf. All the vomit that was ever projectiled. 

I know, most Moms actually love these life accomplishment trinkets. If you do, you're normal. I'm the weird one. I'm guessing I'm not the only one, but you don't have to out yourself to the internet. Let me do that.

Like most other holidays I hate Mother’s Day for the same reason anyone hates any holiday, it makes me feel bad. 

Whether it’s true or not, I feel like Mother’s Day is yet another day for normal people to celebrate the normal awesome moments of their normal lives with their normal kids. Meanwhile, I have always just smiled and pretended like I belong in some part of this because I have a child.

I know it's much more than that, but when you’re the mother of an ADHD/ODD child, your Mom moments aren’t the same as other Mothers’ moments. When you’re the single mother of this kind of child, and you’re the only person in this kid’s life who stands up to the challenge, and fights to teach them consequences despite how difficult that really is, you don’t feel proud on Mother’s Day, or any day. You’re just glad everyone survived another day.

You have to think about HOW you survived, even though you don’t want to, because there’s a new game/battle/war starting tomorrow, and somehow you have to survive that day, too. You know you can do it, but you have no idea how.

You also know this is not how you’re supposed to look at parenting, but for the longest time, this was the reality of it for me. I want to say “people like me” or “people like us” but one of the bonus prizes that comes in the package is feeling like you’re the ONLY parent in the entire universe that feels this way, and goes through these feelings.

There’s no way all these happy Moms on Facebook, posting pictures of their fancy breakfasts, prepared by their adoring children, feel the way I feel. Nevermind that Facebook is just the Highlight Reel of life for most people, I know that. Yet every year, seeing the parade of those happy, proud Moms and their offspring-made treasures used to make me feel even worse.

Yes, I have some trinkets and treasures from some years when I wasn’t in a giant war of wills with my son on Mother’s Day. I treasure those. They are hidden so my younger children don’t break them, like they have done with all of my makeup and jewelry. Those things are replaceable. What can’t be replaced are the reminders of the precious moments when my son and I got along, when he took the time to give a token of appreciation, even if his father made him do it because HIS mother told him to.

I have to stop this train of thought here, and hopefully pick up where I left off later. There is much more to say, but I have very little time and these posts are the most difficult for me to write.

However, don't worry for me, like the brave women who smoke Virginia Slims cigarettes, even in public, I've come a long way, baby.

from standord.tobacco.edu

I will say that I’m getting much better. I continue to do the best I can, regardless of how increasingly difficult that becomes every year. And it’s tripled this past year. My son is going through another stage that I don't understand, and like all of his stages, what works with other people doesn't work for him. We're working on it.

The good news: These days I have a partner who supports me emotionally, if not in a parenting sense, at least having emotional support is a huge improvement and gift from the universe. I do have younger children that don’t seem to be blessed with the unique challenge my oldest child was blessed with.

For Mother's/Father's Day, my husband and I have agreed not to shower each other in ridiculous overpriced cheaply manufactured crapola. We let the other sleep in, because that is really all that mothers of small children want any day, to SLEEP. We make each other breakfast "in bed" (usually in couch) and just enjoy what we have. Each other, and these children. These human, flaws-and-all, lovely, funny, exhausting children. That's the gift.

Four years ago and change, he gave me another chance at motherhood and another attempt at a normal life. We've since decided to abandon any attempts at normalcy, and I've literally never been happier. It turns out, all you need to lead a normal-feeling life, is that one person who makes your normal be the norm.

Instead of buying each other gifts we can't really afford, I make him dinner every day whether I like it or not, and he goes to work every day to pay for our food, whether he feels like it or not. I don't need the head-count on a piece of jewelry, I have the gift every day. 

Plus that annual bonus of breakfast in couch.

I may even post my runny eggs and crayon drawings on Facebook. Stay tuned.

10-Hour Shift! A Peek Into My Process

I received a writing assignment awhile back on explaining my writing 'process' which may prove hilarious in itself, but if not I'll share a funny story at the end to thank you for sticking through it. 

I try to be fair. 

The Tigger-slash-Mermaid who writes Considerings blog wrote an eXpository on her writing process, very different from mine, and asked me to do the same. I don't really have one, but I will gladly describe what happens because what does Misery love? Company.

This is her process, bee-tee-dubs, click HERE to read what a real writer does. Her blog is well-written, she gives good fiction and it's lovely and British-ey with extra "u"s in words likes colour and flavour. Love-r-ly!

Read below to see what a rookie who has no training, no patience, not much time, and no business writing does to get words on a page. 

The questions are in bold, my answers are...what they are. Because of reasons.

1. What are you working on?
At any given time, I have about 87 blog drafts started, and not finished. Once I get interrupted, I either don't come back to the idea/inspiration for awhile or when I do, I lost my mojo and can't remember where I was going with it. Stella can't get her groove back. I can't for the life of me remember why this would be remotely interesting to anyone else. 

I'll bet you thought I never think about that, didja? You should see the crapola that I don't post.

I do have one post I keep coming back to right now, it's for a guest post and I try to put actual effort into those. I know. There is one coming soon to Menopausal Mother, she's hilarious so I really need to step up my game. Stay tuned. 

Good luck concentrating on work this week from the edge of your seat.

from photobucket.com/Shinigami_Suzi

2. How does your writing differ from others of it's genre?
I imagine when this question was written it wasn't intended for me, but I'll try to answer it anyway. My writing is chock full o' slang, silliness, honesty, tangent stories whose tangents even go off on their own tangents....which is not to say other writers don't have those things, but I seem to really revel in it.

Meanwhile your real writers sprinkle their word soup with seasonings of:
Proper grammar
Punctuation
Interesting Content
Editting

I feel like you can get those things anywhere. 

You can't even read about the gahtdamn circus workers who fell from their Human Chandelier in the circus this weekend without being assaulted by proper grammar. 

The internet, well at least the libraries, are full of complete sentences. Know what they don't all have, though?
Crazy nicknames for everything
Words like "pajayjays"
Decades-old movie references
Cartoons pics and jokes
Specific advice on successful daydrinking
Impossible levels of imperfection, and yet somehow
Acceptance of self, weirdness and all
LOL'ing at people who put in actual effort
Something new and DIFFERENT
Stuff specially designed to manufacture smiles

3. Why do I write what I do?
I mostly crave adult interaction while I'm home with my kids. My little ones are adorable but they do not get me, or my 80's television catch phrases. It is adorable though when the 4 yr old delivers a well-timed,
"Whatchu talkin' bout Willis?"

I need something to focus on, distract myself with at times, and keep my mind on things besides how stinky my 2 yr old's feet are at any given time. Spoiler: In the summer? VERY. Any other time? Not at all, but she squeals with delight if you tell her that yes, they are stinky. Who am I to interfere with her happiness?

I tire quickly of most things on television, I abhor shiny magazines and their thinly veiled attempts to make me feel inadequate unless I: 
Purchase the latest snake-oil to make me lose weight, 
or 
Spend money on the latest fashions, just because some designer came up with a new-shaped boot heel this season, or the newest shade of pink which absolutely MUST replace all of last-year's pink because it's "sooo last season," 
when meanwhile the clothing I already have is perfectly fine, whatever decade they were designed in; 
and/or
Buy greatly overpriced products targeted at concerned parents, filled with fear from all the shiny magazine articles about the dangers of pesticides, GMOs and whatever else these new organic products are supposed to do to save our families from their total and swift demise.

I would rather spend time creating my own ridiculous content than fall prey to the complete bullshittery raping our eyeballs today.

Right on. DON'T believe it. from en.wikipedia.org

4. How does my writing process work?
hahahahaha Oh, I guess you're serious. I don't really have a writing process, I'm trying very hard to write at least a little bit every day. To get in the habit, to see what comes out, to vent. 

I don't post most of my venting, but somehow it helps to get it out, then go back and read just how ridiculous I sound with my irrational fears about my kids. This writing is usually not funny, not interesting or well-written. I may one day go back, spit-shine it up and share some of it, but it's intensely personal and the backstory is long, boring and painful at times to write. 

I don't have a lot of free time for 
writing, 
thinking, 
finishing what I start 
at the moment with my very young children. I imagine once they are of school age, I'll be looking for actual paying work, as our credit card debt is slowly mounting to terrifying levels each additional year of living on mostly one income. 

Anyway, almost every morning, and every time I have a moment I either start a new post idea, or look back at old one. If I have enough time/energy/creativity/luck, I can polish up an old turd and make it post-worthy. 

Once in awhile I get lucky and inspiration hits and I can sit down and type it all out at that EXACT moment. I may have to go back and edit out some ramblings and whatnot, but those are the times that are the best. When I can get it all down when it's fresh. There are only a few of those so far in existence. The rest are polished up turds.

Thanks for enduring that, here is a personal story I found hilarious from this weekend. This happened Saturday night. 

Ten-Hour Shift

Backstory: My son works at McDonald's and like any teenager, whatever job he has at that time is the HARDEST job on the planet, because "You just don't get it." In high school I was a waitress in an Illinois Bell training facility, but no, I don't in fact know the McStruggle.

They typically schedule him for 4-hour shifts about 4 days a week, which is harder than it sounds, because as I'm reminded, you have to deal with crazy people and you're on your feet THE WHOLE TIME. 

On Saturday, I'm guessing people called off work with Saturday Night Fever and they asked my son to stay late, twice. 

roflcat.com

He wound up working a:
"10-Hour Shift!"

I heard him say those words 
no 
less 
than 
8 
times 
that 
evening. 

When he got home I asked him, 
"So how was it? Do your feet hurt?"
His response:
"My feet are the least of my problems."
Me:
"So what are the most of your problems?"

Tinny: "My back is killing me, my legs, everything hurts. I just worked a 10-Hour Shift!"
Me: "You should take a hot bath with Epsom salt an----"
Tinny: "Yeah, I'm not doing that."
Me: "So, you're going straight to bed? I know you work again tomorrow morning."
Tinny: "No, I just worked a TEN HOUR SHIFT! I'm going out."

Ah, to be 18 again. 

I, on the other hand, went straight to bed, exhausted after this conversation. I wanted to post this story to my Facebook page on my phone, but I was too tired to do that. 

And I didn't even work a TEN HOUR SHIFT!

Funless fact: 2-3 times a week I put in an 18-hour "work" day, which in his opinion doesn't count as work because I'm home and I don't have to be on my feet. Not the whole time anyway. This is taken from an actual conversation we recently had, where I almost sprained my eyes from rolling them so much.

Then I heard him talking on his phone to his friends, I can never make out what he's saying, he's a bit of a mumbler, but I kept hearing him say, 
"....TEN HOUR SHIFT!" 
hahaha 

Welcome to the world of working for a living, son.

The moral of the story: Stay in school, kids.

Snozzcumbers, Peter Park and Christmas in May

Whatup with the Whatup:
A movie is being made for The BFG, one of my favoritest Books of All Life! By Books of All Life, I mean books I can read again and again, at any stage of my life, because I get that much enjoyment out of them. They are THAT GOOD. 
This includes: 
Harry Potter series
most Stephen King and 
almost all Dean Koontz books 
Game of Thrones inspired books 
and most Roald Dahl books 
especially my favorite:
The BFG (Big Friendly Giant)

Spielberg, The BFG (from the book) and Sophie found at craveonline.com

If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it for children of all ages, 2-202. 
(Probably once people live past 202, they would like this book also, but I needed a number and 102 doesn't seem old ancient anymore thanks to whichever show says "Happy Birthday" to all those people over 100. There are a LOT! )

Snozzcumber. From the BOOK, not movie

I read this book in middle school, high school, and many time as an adult, and again many times as a parent with my kids. 

This story is an amazing Dahl tale of a friendly giant, who comes from the land of giants, to blow dreams into childrens' bedrooms. This books gives us snozzcumbers, their effect on giant and human bodies, and the native land where they grow. 


Not to be confused with snozberries. 

 "Snozberries?! 
Whoever heard of a snozberry?"  
-- Veruca Salt

I cannot wait to see this movie, even though I already know it can never live up to the book, or anyone's imagination. 

2. I'm not sure how many (if any) of you have girly girls that are also SpiderMan fans, but all BOTH of you might be pleased to see these GIRLS SpiderMan 2 Happy Meal toys. 

My adult head is too big :( if I let go, it pops off

I'm not a girly girl but my girls like Star Wars and whatever super violent action-packed crap we make them watch, so now they can accessorize.

Blah blah blah unhealthy Mcfood and gender roles, "girl" and "boy" toys, you can still ASK for whichever toy you like. Uh, I mean that your KID likes. 

Can't wait to wear this to Spiderman park! That's what we call a park by us that is red and blue and webby all over.

They could've at least named this park PETER PARK. Right?

Lola wrote Yelp reviews this and other nearby parks this week, click HERE if you're curious. I translate Toddler to English.

What is all this Thankful nonsense? It's part of a Thankful movement to look at the bright side of life.

Click HERE to join in and give us 10 or any thankful things.

We were exposed to a stomach flu, after having a whole-house flu bug this winter, I was even inspired to CLEAN and disinfect, by soaking everything in gasoline and lighting it on fire. Thankfully, no one has any symptoms yet. Thanks to House Targaryen Cleanser.

4. It's Magnolia bloomin' season. And by season, I mean the tiny precious window of time in between the blooming of the flowers on our favorite magnolia tree, Angie, and the time when the bitter Chicagoland wind rips them all violently from their branches. It's about a week or so. But what a week!

After much searching (online) and tours and meetings, we decided on and started the registration process for Lola for preschool in the fall. Bittersweet, but mostly sweet because she loves the idea of school, she's always playing school, she needs more stimulation and kids her age. And less just baby and Mom time. 

Sunday is Star Wars day. May the Fourth be with you.

from socialvixen.com

There are TONS of Star Wars drink recipes, desserts and ideas for celebrating. We usually just watch the movie, and now that our girls are budding little geeks we'll do something like blue milk and these easy chocolate preztel lightsabers.

from bensbargains.net

This was our breakfast, watching Empire Strikes Back.

Darth Spatula finds our lack of syrup disturbing

Sunday is also our annual Polish Christmas party. In May. My family gathers in a Polish restaurant to sing English and Polish Christmas songs, exchange presents, and confuse waitstaff, patrons and passersby. I'm just not sure if I will dress my girls in Christmas dresses, or Princess Leah costumes....

Have a great weekend and Merry Christmas!