2013-08-04

Naughty Night Names

We were talking to our 3 year old about nicknames, how my name is Joy, but she and her brother and sister call me "Mom," etc. Today she announced to her father and me: 
"My night name is Lola." 

She had no idea why the words night name set us off giggling and singing "...she was a show-girl..." and whatnot. 

I love when she mispronounces words, it's adorable and I feel like she has 2 whoooole years yet until kindergarten, so that's plenty of time unlearn all the wrong words and swearing, right? 

Given my recent post about strippers, we started giving everyone "night names" including all of her toys, because The Force is strong with our parenting. 

Some were easy, Spongebob NoPants (and of course I found a picture for this on the internet.) 
Spongebob NoPants
Hot damn, I love the internet.
Naked Spongebob? HERE YOU GO.
from advrider.com

Her purple octopus? No-brainer if you're a James Bond fan. 

Here are some others we came up with:

For her Rubber Ducky, my husband said in a gale of giggles that her nightname is Feathers Down and asked "See what I did there?" Indeed.


Mr. Elephant has an impressive trunk, so we dubbed him Max JunkTrunk.
Max JunkTrunk, always happy to see you

If we had a girl elephant, we might have gone with Ivana TrunkaLot. 

This elephant? is clearly a boy elephant.

Alligator is known only as Mr. Mouth after dark.

Yellow Fish is a little boring, Fins McGILLicuddy seems appropriate.

The Red Fish however has some flare, she looks more like a Spicy Tuna Roll. So spice!

We are long time Simpsons fans, so we were looking around for an animal to call Amanda Hugnkiss, ah, the zebra.

Turtle (Mr. Turtle is my father) goes by Slippery Shelly in the witching hour.

You can call her hippo JassHugh Jass, even if you call collect.

Her boy pony is "Charlie" according to Lola, but at eventide he transforms into Shiny Hindquarters.

Big Mack Daddy was campaigning to call her girl pony Sweet Buttercups, but that name will never catch on with the other toys. When we first got her, she was called Ginner, that's how Lola said "Ginger" which is an awesome nightname! (Stop. Tangent Time. Incidentally Ginger is the nightname I assigned to my husband's last car because she was gold, sparkly and shapey.) 

However, Lola played with this poor little pony's mane until she turned her into Nicky Manaj, and like all ComfyTown nicknames, that name stuck.
Her destiny is set with this hair

See what I mean?

Mr. Bear transforms into the clothing-optional dancer known as Smoky the Fur. So hot only HE can prevent forest fires....but will he?! Find out, 2 shows a night after dusk.

Her singing Dog Scout uses the mouth-ful moniker Dirty Dawg Done Dirt Cheap by streetlight, and he also solves crimes. 

It was at this point we realized we should probably stop playing this game before it starts getting really Cinemax, and find out where the kids had wandered off to.

Daddy's night name is Big Daddy, Moon and Stars (because Game of Thrones) and since my actual name is Joy, well that just takes care of itself.

What might YOUR night name be?

50 comments:

  1. This is so cute! I completely agree with the Nicky Minaj/My Little Pony thing. Also, now, I have me some Barry Manilow in my head. I desire for my night name to be Rip Van Winkle; however, my toddler would think otherwise.

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    1. Hahahaha I too would love to let it RIP, VanWinkle style, but once a week or so the baby decides to make HER nightname "Police Siren."

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  2. Bahahahahah!!!!! Not sure why but we have a teddy bear named Long John Silver.... my view of him is forever changed now.

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    1. Ha! Did YOU or your child name him that? Or did he come with that name? Either way, he sounds like a real crowd pleaser!

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  3. Her purple octopus? No-brainer if you're a James Bond fan.

    You have a stuffed octopus named Sean Connery????

    ...I don't have any experience with kids, but I do have experience with a father in law whose first language is not English. So it was hilariously awkward to hear him say things like, "Yeah, daddy like..." after taking a bite of dinner. He thought it was just meant to imply that a father literally liked something. My wife was so embarrassed.

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    1. Didn't you recently go camping with a pantless 3 yr old? That's QUITE the "experience with kids" but that dirty-talking FIL sounds like a lot of fun. Please tell me you bring him things like Nutter Butter and Snuggies, and Suzanne Sommers' ButtMaster for Christmas. If you're looking for a holiday post, I think it just wrote itself.

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  4. I laughed as I read this. The names are so darn cute. My youngest is now five and has perfect pronunciation, but I miss his baby talk so much. Just the other night I was watching video clips from when he was small and the cute factor was overwhelming.

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    1. Thanks. We tried not to go STRAIGHT to the obvious filthy "Hugh J. Dick" and whatnot. I do so love her little says like "Are you so much happy?" we totally encourage those. I get a little sad every time she starts switching to the CORRECT way to say things. They grow up SO FAST! I am glad for the ease of video taping them now, compared to the GIANT videocamera we had for my son, a whole VCR tape could fit INSIDE the camcorder, so it was really huge and heavy! Total pain in the hams.

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  5. That is awesome!! My daughter hasn't named her stuffed animals anything too strange...but she did name our Guinea Pig Twilight Sparkle (from my little pony) which totally sounds like a stripper name!


    What would my night name be???? Oh gosh I don't know!!

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    1. Twilight Sparkle is an AWESOME night name! YOUR night name should have the word "beckon" or "beckons" in it somewhere, I think.

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  6. hahahahahaha, OMG these are BRILLIANT! You definitely need to win some sort of parenting award! My daughter *did* try to name her stuffed cat "Pussy" after watching Puss In Boots (because "Puss" is for a boy, so clearly "Pussy" is for a girl). Not sure what happened to that idea, but I am kind of glad she forgot about that.

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    1. HA! Puss. Every time we watch Shrek, I practically lose my water over Lola saying "Puss." Disney totes did that on purpose. Hilarious. Glad she forgot about it, too. If you're anything like me you would have popped an eyeball trying not to laugh.

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  7. we had Mr. Pup E. Luv and Sir Farts-a-lot who was a donkey but you guys win hands down....

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  8. I had to read this once I saw your lead in on Facebook - night names for the dolls! OMG awesome!

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    1. The title makes it sound much dirtier than it is, or could have been I guess if the kids weren't right there. Or it was later at night or I wasn't as sober or any of the other elements that bring out my inner Larry Dallas. Glad you liked it.

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  9. So cute! Mines only 15 months old so can only say the basics, nothing as cute as "my night name is Lola". His is more like "watch out".... Right before he attacks the dog!

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    1. That is funny, at least he tries to give the dog a warning! Very soon he'll be talking, yelling and saying things like my 18-month old's only phrase so far, which is "Oh no!"

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    2. At least "oh no!" Is a cute phrase! Could be worse.. My cousins only phrase for a while was "bulls**t grandpa". Good thing he's 10 now and over that lol oh he yells.. When he gets mad it's all "rarrhh haarr phhhhh!!"

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    3. hahahaha that is HILARIOUS! OMG. This reminds me of my parents arguing, one of my mom's things was to say something shocking and end with "...how's that?" and one time my dad was especially drunk he screamed "Cow's ass? Bull's tit!" really loud, my brother and I couldn't NOT laugh at it. We knew we shouldn't laugh, but we just couldn't help it. One of those things that just sticks with you. If I heard a little kid say it, I would probably wet myself.

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    4. I cant believe Im just now seeing this response. I suck at internetting lol That has got to be the single most funniest thing I have EVER heard. EVER! In fact, I just may adapt that phrase and start randomly saying cows ass and bull tit...

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    5. It is funny. NOW. I am really bad about the follow up to comments, and my blog is so lame, it doesn't do that thing where you get an email when someone responds to your comment.
      (See how I blame my blog for being stupid. Totally not MY fault!)

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  10. Literally LMAO!! That is some funny stuff!! Very creative too! Its so fun to be silly & the kids not really "get it" Thanks for Linking up on Mischievous Monday :)
    ~Candice @http://mylittlecircusandme.blogspot.com/

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    1. I'm glad you liked it. My husband and I struggle to keep a straight face most of the time, especially while reading my daughter's book about the "one-eyed monster." My kids just think we're silly. Hopefully.
      I will check out that link, thanks for stopping by.

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  11. Dirty Dawg Done Dirt Cheap - hahaha! These are all SO good!

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    1. That name would strike a CHORD with the musician, wouldn't it?

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  12. Good names! Everything from AC/DC mock ups to Rapper mix ups! I'm afraid my night name might be Computer Chair Charlie's Got's To Snooze as I'm always falling asleep at the keyboard. My wife, on the other hand, might be called Lady Snort Snort as her snores fill the city night. lol Loved this!

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    1. Ha! I knew we would get along. It's just the reverse over here, my husband is a were-chainsaw by night and I'm the one falling asleep all over the place. I haven't seen the end (or middle) of a movie in about ten years! I'm glad you liked it.

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  13. This was great! Hmmm...The Mathemagician's Night Name would probably be Cuddles McFartypants. I'd be 'Fro MoFo.

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    1. hahahaha those night names are awesome. 'Fro MoFo sounds one bad MoFo!

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  14. I like the Nikki Minaj My Little Pony.

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    1. I feel bad for the pony, but at least she's getting PLAYED WITH and not donated to Sunny Side with Buzz and Woody.

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  15. Sounds like you all watch too much "Skinemax" over at your house!

    LOL at Nicky Minaj!

    My night name? Stretch Armstrong!

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    1. We don't even have Cinemax or most of the pretty basic channels, like TBS or FX, because we're cheap. I mean thrifty. I was just raised by a pack of perverted wolves. NICE night name, btw.

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  16. OMG this is awesome! HAHA! I really like Ginner but that's obviously no longer original since, well, I read it here first. Hm. My night name...god that's hard. Dirty Dawg Done Dirt Cheap sounds like a cool song!

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    1. Feel free to use Ginner, since we don't have that car anymore and the horse Ginner is now Nicki! DDDDC sounds like a kick-ass anime cartoon. Too bad I'm not a big anime fan. And I can only draw stick figures.

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  17. oh my this is the funniest list ever. i love that big daddy, moon and stars. we are GoT fans here too. And LOL at Nikki Minaj pony!

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    1. We love GoT, we're reading the books. Love.
      I'm glad you enjoyed the post!

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  18. Just what I needed to read while at work at 1:30 in the AM. So funny and creative Joy. You were right on with the Nicky Minaj pony reference. Poor pony!!

    Such a cute post!!

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    1. I know, that pony! We got a big box from my cousin's daughter, I hid a few away in a box so when she's a little older they aren't ALL homeless-looking :) I'm so glad you liked it. Making people smile at work is MY life's work. Well it's my DREAM for that to be my work, right now it's just a small hobby.

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  19. I went on a mad search for the naked Spongebob, and I hit the jackpot!!! This is hilarious!

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    1. hahahaha we're all looking for a little nekked Spongebob in our lives, glad you're on of the few that admit it!

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  20. Here from the Thumpin Thursday Hop and #JUSOFONII !!! No little ones around here for baby talk, and Sweetie's nightname for BB is...well, we are newlyweds so- 'nuff said. Thanks for bringing back fun memories of my trio's baby talk. Hope to see you at my dance;BB2U

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    1. Ha! I LOVE the name, I'll be clicking and stalking for sure.

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  21. So. Much. Awesome. I'm not sure what my nightname would be, but I'm going to think about it. I'll keep you posted. The elephant picture reminded me of what one of my two-year-olds said when we let her try on her elephant Halloween costume for the first time. She picked up the trunk, hugged and kissed it, and said, "Ooh I LOVE you trunk! I LOVE you!" Yeah. I was not my most mature self for a few minutes there. I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard.

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    1. Hahahahaha that's hilarious. I wouldn't have been able to hold it in, just hoping she didn't get why I was laughing.

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  22. My very literal son named all of his stuffed animals: Bluey, Spot, Big Spot, Blacky, Big Blacky, etc. While they're quite easy to remember and identify (like when you're scrambling to find one while the child is crying), I like yours better.

    I think my blog name is my night name: Foxy Wine Pocket. ;-)

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    1. THAT is an awesome name, day or night!
      Those names are funny! My son's favorite toys for awhile were 3 grasshoppers, from Bug's Life, so when he got an aquatic frog, he wanted to name him "3 Hoppers." Not Hopper, as the main grasshopper in the movie was named, but THREE Hoppers!

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