Dear DVR, I love and hate you

Today is Tuesday LINKUP at Honest Mom. I pink puffy heart Honest Mom. Yes I'm known to love the adrenaline rush of lying, but I also love reading about REAL LIFE stuff, and venting about my cra-zay. I mean, sometimes crazy is funny. 

She had ONE RULE about the post to share: It has to be honest. Most of mine are honest….except the part when I lie (exaggerate.) I started this post below awhile ago and keep blowing off finishing it, thinking “This is too embarrassing to post.” Well, that must mean it’s HONEST. Sounds like a weener.

I need a bigger DVR, or at least a DVR Butler. Is that a thing? If it’s free, it should be. Mine is ALWAYS FULL. I know that you can prioritize, and set stuff to be auto erased when you need space, and set your GOOD shit to save until you MANUALLY delete it. I just never seem to actually WATCH the stuff I do record. I mean it’s TV, it’s all crap.

from mediabistro.com

Except my cooking show, The Chew. This show is the bomb diggety but I don’t seem to be mentally penciling it in to my day. 

Yeah yeah “pound-sign-FirstWorldProblems,” I get it. But that is where I live, I’m allowed 1^st World Problems. Besides, what do YOU rant about? Litter? That sounds like a fun fricking read.

Every few days I get a message that it’s almost full and I have to “clear it out” and figure out what can go, only to get it ALL THE WAY DOWN to 40%. That’s because it’s always at LEAST 40% full of Sesame Street. Wait, wait, simmer down, it’s MOSTLY just a pre-bed/naptime ritual. TV’s off most of the day. A lot--SOME of the day. I do play music and talk radio. (Honey, I get lonely. These babies do NOT get me.)

Adventure Time from
kaboom-studios.com

So I go in to the DVR and look at what is clogging up my shit. 

Standard 5 or so episodes of Adventure Time, that’s gold. Most of those can stay. Not for the kids, the teenager and I effing LOVE THAT CARTOON.

There is a unicorn made of rainbow so if you don’t like Adventure Time? There is NO HOPE for your black, dead SOUL. Die in a fire. As they say.

There are usually also some Law & Order, mostly SVU because let’s not even mess around. I can never tell from the title if I’ve seen them, they all sound the same, so when I get a minute I start watching and go “Oh yeah, saw it,” and I can delete it, but I don’t always do that. 

from fanpop.com

So when my DVR is 90% full, old L&O can go, there is a freaking SVU marathon every other day.

Baron Von Sush simplywallpaper.net

Toy Story 3 from Disney Channel has been on the DVR since November. How do I know?  Because there’s a commercial for a Disney show with the words “Honey I shrunk the turkey!” My 3 yr old does a kick-ass impression of it. 

The movie has commercials and takes up a LOT of room, but shit that’s gotta stay. We LOVE that movie. I should buy it. But I never do. That stays.

Then there are those crazy-ass shows my teenager records and tries to pawn off as funny. Your Duck Dynasty and whatnot. 

from pinterest.com

Sometimes he’ll watch something and SAVE IT for us to show us a funny part. 

Shutup, watch the Christmas one where Si is dressed like an ELF. I don’t CERR who ya ERR, that’s funny RAIGHT THERR.

Hey, he’s a teenager so at this point? That’s bonding right there. You wait and see. Anyway, if there are tons of those, the older ones can go.

Then we have the memory sucker, those 20 episodes of Sesame Street. 

Thing is, we mostly just watch the last 10-15 minutes, Elmo’s World. We try to only save the BEST ones. Don’t act like you don’t critique that shit. The camera one? Hilarious. The girl’s baby sister looks like she’s in a COMA and the mom? Don’t get my husband started.

Elmo's World "Cameras" I THINK that baby is just sleeping (not sure though)

We all get the “Doctor” song stuck in our heads for days. That is my daughter’s JAM. But we have a bitch of a time remembering which episode has which Elmo on it. WHY is there NOT a mothereffing APP FOR THAT?  

from muppet.wikia.com

If the DVR Butler could clear the ones we hate, and the rest of the episode out (and leave Bert & Ernie and Super Grover 2.0 b/c my toddler LOVES that shit) everything else? Can go. Unless it’s cool visual counting or letters. I like to force that into her brain.

I know they have Elmo on DVD but that costs MONEY, and we get them from the library and all that, I just have a tough time returning library movies on time.

Sooo I just keep some on the DVR. It’s also a lot easier and in case you’re new here, we’re all about that. To fire up the DVR you need what my Lola calls the “grey mote” (GREY universal remote) which we have two of. Those big ole S*H*I*N*Y things are like Visa, they’re everywhere you want to be. Boom. Right there. If they’re out of reach, Lola will run like Speedy Gonzalez and get one and fetch it for you.

To fire up the DVD or Netflix you need the elusive “black mote,” and that shit is ninja. 

Yes, it's RIGHT THERE

Maybe because it's black and our recliners are dark brown, I don’t KNOW, but it's hard to pin down. 

Yes. I DO know how LAZY this makes me sound, you don’t have to tell me. I’m sitting on my hams right now typing about finding television remotes. Know what YOU are doing right now? Sitting on your hams READING about television remotes. So we belong together.

She said this post had to be HONEST. It didn’t say anything about intelligent or thought-provoking. Phew.