Dear DVR, I love and hate you

Today is Tuesday LINKUP at Honest Mom. I pink puffy heart Honest Mom. Yes I'm known to love the adrenaline rush of lying, but I also love reading about REAL LIFE stuff, and venting about my cra-zay. I mean, sometimes crazy is funny. 

She had ONE RULE about the post to share: It has to be honest. Most of mine are honest….except the part when I lie (exaggerate.) I started this post below awhile ago and keep blowing off finishing it, thinking “This is too embarrassing to post.” Well, that must mean it’s HONEST. Sounds like a weener.

I need a bigger DVR, or at least a DVR Butler. Is that a thing? If it’s free, it should be. Mine is ALWAYS FULL. I know that you can prioritize, and set stuff to be auto erased when you need space, and set your GOOD shit to save until you MANUALLY delete it. I just never seem to actually WATCH the stuff I do record. I mean it’s TV, it’s all crap.

from mediabistro.com

Except my cooking show, The Chew. This show is the bomb diggety but I don’t seem to be mentally penciling it in to my day. 

Yeah yeah “pound-sign-FirstWorldProblems,” I get it. But that is where I live, I’m allowed 1st World Problems. Besides, what do YOU rant about? Litter? That sounds like a fun fricking read.

Every few days I get a message that it’s almost full and I have to “clear it out” and figure out what can go, only to get it ALL THE WAY DOWN to 40%. That’s because it’s always at LEAST 40% full of Sesame Street. Wait, wait, simmer down, it’s MOSTLY just a pre-bed/naptime ritual. TV’s off most of the day. A lot--SOME of the day. I do play music and talk radio. (Honey, I get lonely. These babies do NOT get me.)

Adventure Time from
So I go in to the DVR and look at what is clogging up my shit. 

Standard 5 or so episodes of Adventure Time, that’s gold. Most of those can stay. Not for the kids, the teenager and I effing LOVE THAT CARTOON.

There is a unicorn made of rainbow so if you don’t like Adventure Time? There is NO HOPE for your black, dead SOUL. Die in a fire. As they say.

There are usually also some Law & Order, mostly SVU because let’s not even mess around. I can never tell from the title if I’ve seen them, they all sound the same, so when I get a minute I start watching and go “Oh yeah, saw it,” and I can delete it, but I don’t always do that. 
from fanpop.com
So when my DVR is 90% full, old L&O can go, there is a freaking SVU marathon every other day.

Baron Von Sush simplywallpaper.net
Toy Story 3 from Disney Channel has been on the DVR since November. How do I know?  Because there’s a commercial for a Disney show with the words “Honey I shrunk the turkey!” My 3 yr old does a kick-ass impression of it. 

The movie has commercials and takes up a LOT of room, but shit that’s gotta stay. We LOVE that movie. I should buy it. But I never do. That stays.

Then there are those crazy-ass shows my teenager records and tries to pawn off as funny. Your Duck Dynasty and whatnot. 

from pinterest.com
Sometimes he’ll watch something and SAVE IT for us to show us a funny part. 

Shutup, watch the Christmas one where Si is dressed like an ELF. I don’t CERR who ya ERR, that’s funny RAIGHT THERR.

Hey, he’s a teenager so at this point? That’s bonding right there. You wait and see. Anyway, if there are tons of those, the older ones can go.

Then we have the memory sucker, those 20 episodes of Sesame Street. 

Thing is, we mostly just watch the last 10-15 minutes, Elmo’s World. We try to only save the BEST ones. Don’t act like you don’t critique that shit. The camera one? Hilarious. The girl’s baby sister looks like she’s in a COMA and the mom? Don’t get my husband started.

Elmo's World "Cameras" I THINK that baby is just sleeping (not sure though)
We all get the “Doctor” song stuck in our heads for days. That is my daughter’s JAM. But we have a bitch of a time remembering which episode has which Elmo on it. WHY is there NOT a mothereffing APP FOR THAT?  

from muppet.wikia.com

If the DVR Butler could clear the ones we hate, and the rest of the episode out (and leave Bert & Ernie and Super Grover 2.0 b/c my toddler LOVES that shit) everything else? Can go. Unless it’s cool visual counting or letters. I like to force that into her brain.

I know they have Elmo on DVD but that costs MONEY, and we get them from the library and all that, I just have a tough time returning library movies on time.

Sooo I just keep some on the DVR. It’s also a lot easier and in case you’re new here, we’re all about that. To fire up the DVR you need what my Lola calls the “grey mote” (GREY universal remote) which we have two of. Those big ole S*H*I*N*Y things are like Visa, they’re everywhere you want to be. Boom. Right there. If they’re out of reach, Lola will run like Speedy Gonzalez and get one and fetch it for you.

To fire up the DVD or Netflix you need the elusive “black mote,” and that shit is ninja. 

Maybe because it's black and our recliners are dark brown, I don’t KNOW, but it's hard to pin down. 

Yes. I DO know how LAZY this makes me sound, you don’t have to tell me. I’m sitting on my hams right now typing about finding television remotes. Know what YOU are doing right now? Sitting on your hams READING about television remotes. So we belong together.

She said this post had to be HONEST. It didn’t say anything about intelligent or thought-provoking. Phew.


  1. No judgement here. Being able to park my kids in front of Sesame Street sometimes was my version of Xanax. And it also allowed me to shower once in a while. Everyone was a winner.

    1. Amen sister! Plus my Lola knows a triangle has 3 sides and 3 angles thanks to Elmo. How can that be bad??

  2. I don't miss the DVR days. We have basic TV (and that's only because it's cheaper to have TV and internet than just internet) and HULU/Netflix/Amazon the shit out of everything else.

    Also, I dated a guy who looked like Elliot from SVU. *drool*

    1. First of all, HOLY BALLS Elliot from SVU?! HOTNESS. I don't know his real name, I FF through the credits, but he was on Scrubs as a real smart-ass pediatrician, hilarious. That guy must have been a REAL jackass if you broke up w/him ;)

      We are doing much the same, we have the next step up after basic cable, so we don't get Nickelodeon or whatever channel Walking Dead and American Horror Story are on. We tried Hulu Plus, but we never even HEARD of those shows and movies. Now we are streaming Netflix, and it's better.

      Our problem? We don't know what to look for. I have to hear about a show from a friend (how I found The Middle/Modern Family) or read about it online. If I ever get time again (when the babies are bigger) I'll look at AV Club and stuff like that. For now, when I get time? I'd rather read my fave bloggers!

      I wound up cancelling a lot of recordings for the shows I never watch. I figure I'll catch them later on Netflix. Or never. Either way.

    2. Nice plan!

      "Elliot" or as my friends referred to him, "The Old Guy" or "The Divorced Guy" is a really great guy, but twice divorced with 3 kids. I was closer in age to his oldest son (who was 7 years younger than me to his 10 years older than me). I want to get married and have babies, and he's done with all that. So it didn't work out. But, damn girl. I went back there MANY times in between boyfriends.

      As far as TV stuff, here are my faves: we're big on Once Upon a Time, Dr. Who (which is on Netflix!), and Game of Thrones (Think Lord of the Rings, but dirtier and gorier with less magic and more crazy).

      I love catching up on blogs. Love it.

    3. Dang, that Elliot sitch is a punch in the junk. At least you got to play, that's solid gold.

      I LOVE Game of Thrones, read the first couple of books before the last two kids. We did watch all of Season 1 and I think all of Season 2. Hopefully the rest will come SOON to Netflix or the $2 video store down the street.

      We used to watch "Grimm" which I liked, but we just never find time for it. It's another recording I just wound up cancelling. I'll watch it when the kids are older or when I'm in an old folks home or something. So I have that to look forward to, which is nice ;)

  3. Sounds like you need to invest the six bucks a month in a 2nd DVR. We have one for the playroom that is constantly 99% full and it's ALL kid shows. I don't care - my 2 year olds can count to 10 in English, Spanish AND Chinese. Stick that in your pipe and smoke "child experts." Nick Jr. both rocks AND rolls and I'm not afraid to admit it. (and I'm secretly happy that my kids *never* liked Sesame Street - I hate Elmo.)

    1. hahahahaha dang, CHINESE? Nice!
      Sesame Street doesn't bother me at all for some reason. Their "Shape-O-Bots" episode is HILARIOUS. I hated Barney and Caillou. And probably others that I can't think of right now.

      I AM liking Netflix, there are a COUPLE of actual Disney MOVIES on there, Fox and the Hound. Hulu Plus can suck my junk, I never heard of most of the crap on there. When you're ready to relax and turn your brain off, you don't want to spend TWENTY minutes reading what everything is and trying to figure out what is any good. Most of it? Sucks. Opposite of relaxing.

  4. DVR? I am so in the stone age. I can't find the reason to get one. If we don't see it we just don't see it. Although if someone messes with my Doctor Who,Lost Girl or Game of Thrones time slots there is hell to pay.

    Netflix is awesome, we did it for a very long time. We decided to drop it for a year and try Amazon Prime but I am not liking it as much.

    1. I got hooked when my mother had a dish and you could pause and rewind, meaning you could then FAST FORWARD through commercials. This makes an hour show take half an hour to watch. Plus, we suck at keeping track of what is on when, we'd miss EVERYTHING. Which is not much, just television, but this way whenever we have time, the kids are napping or otherwise engaged, we can find what's new on there to watch.
      Game of Thrones is everything! That and Merlin (BBC) were my faves. We don't have those channels, but keep an eye out at our $2 video store.
      Does Amazon Prime have new(er) shows? We had to get rid of Hulu Plus b/c we didn't know what anything was. It took TOO LONG to find anything. Waste of time/money.

  5. My guilty (not guilty) pleasures are supernatural and true blood (I only pay for hbo when its on season and they have a special price rate) I want to start game of thrones but the hubs is easily distracted by boobs on tv so I would never get through one episode with him there LOL!!!!!

    1. hahahaha I LOVE LOVE LOVE Game of Thrones. Like so much that I bought the card game for my husband. It's really complicated, but we play. It's the ONE reason I wish we had HBO. We will see them eventually, we do Netflix and just have basic cable now. We couldn't wait though and we are listening to the books on audio.
      We started to watch True Blood, but when they got to the Fairy Godmother stage, I started to tune out. It was getting re-DICK-ulous for me.

  6. When I babysit over at the Major's, she has 12343 remotes. Since OC was old enough to walk I've simply said "Honey, Gwamma wants to watch XXX" and the little shit start grabbing remotes and poking buttons and whalaa.. I gots me some good TV...

    If they left it to me, they'd come home to OC tap dancing on the piano and Gwamma half way through a bottle of gin. Tech shit pisses me off!

  7. hahahaha I'm sure he's more than happy to accomodate Gwamma!

  8. Back in the dark ages of my childhood, we kids were our mother's remote control. It didn't matter where you were in the house, when she yelled for you to come change the channel, we ran. I gained a lot of free time when my parents finally got a remote control device (which was not wireless). (I came from the Hump Day Hook UP.)

    1. Ha! That is hilarious. Your mom sounds like a baller. I'm sure my mother did that.
      Somehow we got this big, giant wonky breadbox of a "remote" on a very long string when I was young. The cord kept it from getting lost at least! It sat on the table and had a dial on the side for UHF/VHF and whatever the 3rd thing was. When we got cable channels we just had to memorize where everything was, when we had "legal" (probably not at all) cable.

  9. I am constantly cleaning out our DVR. My shows should take priority, yet my kids record Disney sit-com crap that they've seen a million times. Oh, and one episode of iCarly featuring One Direction from almost two years ago, which will never ever be deleted.

    1. Ha! Not looking forward to those days! ONE teenager is bad enough, can't imagine when my girls are older. I guess that's why parents cave and get each kid their own iPad. They can watch their own annoying shows without bothering anyone else :)