At The Risk Of Exposing My Level Of Insanity

Here's a little n0t-so-secret thought it's time to share.

I love Junk Mail.

Specifically printed, mailed, Junk Mail.

I know it sounds crazy. Stay with me for a minute. 

So many people complain about junk mail, come up with ways to STOP the junk mail. But hear me out. This will be short. 
Piece of my junk mail from yesterday's mail
Not all of it, mind you. Some of it is amusing, some is annoying, most goes straight to the Recycle Bin, so WHY do I love junk mail?

Besides the fact that
PRINTING = JOBS, as in for people, in a world where humans' jobs are increasingly eliminated and replaced by robots.
from politichicks.tv
I'm not talking about COOL ROBOTS either, like Rosey from the Jetsons or the thing on Star Trek that makes food in 2 seconds, or even a Robo-Cop, a robot that will take a bullet for a human, (get on this shit already, nerds) I'm talking pure metal EVIL.

Let's consider the alternatives. 

There will always be marketing. It will never die. The other options huge companies have to getting you to point your face at their message, instead of Junk Mail, are far more intrusive.

Instead of paper in your mailbox, would you rather receive: 
1. Telemarketing *shudder*
2. Robotic phone calls 
3. Spam emails
3. Pop-up ads EVERYWHERE you go

Suddenly, a printed ad in your mailbox doesn't seem so intrusive, does it?

You could even move a bin just for Recycling Paper to a place very close to your mailbox. Easy in, easy OUT.

Isn't that easier than weeding through ALL THE SPAM in your inbox to get to your actual e-mail messages?  I had to create a whole separate free email account for the companies that make you fill out a user profile, because you know that is just for spam. Now I have that extra task of looking through 877 emails just to find my latest Kohl's coupon code, if I can't find the holy grail mailed coupon that blessedly comes in via snail mail.

Next time you're filling out a survey and you're asked:
"How did you hear about us?"
Fill it/check the box marked:
"Direct Mail"

Mayhaps blinking, popping up ads everywhere you look don't bother you, but for me?
from nicholson.com.au

I would rather get 80 billion pieces of printed junk mail, drawn, written, marketed, addressed, printed and distributed by paid HUMAN BEINGS than one robot:
  • phone CALL on any phone
  • spam message/email
  • pop-up ad

Please spread the word and support humans, despite all of their annoying flaws.

Thank you!
I'm a Human Being and I approve this message.


  1. You made excellent points. Yay for junk mail. And, because I support the post office, I mail back the paid, preprinted envelopes the credit card company sends me- empty of course. Then they have to pay for it to be sent back which generates mail for the post office.

    1. Woo hoo! MORE jobs for humans (for now anyway.)
      I have heard of people putting OTHER junk mail inside those envelopes and mailing them back, and that made me a little sad. Even though those are usually evil credit card companies and whatnot, if they support the (slowly dying) Printing Industry, I hated to think of them losing any money. I guess your way IS supporting human jobs in the way of the Post Office.
      Not just whales, save the Humans!

    2. I wont do it to charities or things like that because they lose money. But...Visa, Mastercard and any national bank taking money in the form of
      "interest" can eat the postal costs. Post office pays people to sort that mail and deliver it, and those companies pay people to open them. Jobs all around!

  2. I'm with you. I don't even look at the ads I get in my mailbox. They go right to the pail. But its the spam and unwanted calls that really get on my nerves. And I can't figure out the mix of spam mail I get either. I just looked and the most frequent ones are titled:
    Nursing Assistant, Limp?, Local Sluts and Christian Mingle. There is no way these can be suggestions based on the activity on my computer. None. Ok, rant over.

    1. Ha! I get boner pill emails, so clearly those don't even go through a level of data management first.

  3. I'm curious. What makes you assume that actual humans send out junk mail? Is it that you're actually in league with junk-mailers? Have you been specially trained & sent out to preach the gospel of junk in an effort to revamp their now-failing enterprise in the advent of online competition? HMM???

    If not, I think it dangerous to assume you're endorsing humans. Every industry is a victim of the technological age. Every. one. Why assume junk-mail industry has been spared?


    Are you trying to trick us into supporting the same robots you profess to be so against. The machines are more devious than I thought!

    1. I'm not AGAINST robots. (We have to say that or they kill us.)
      In the interest of keeping this piston short, and not boring anyone to an untimely death, I did not mention my many SUPER EXCITING (Sarcasm font) jobs in marketing, data management, list management, lead generation, printing, and/or direct mail.
      There are many different kinds of robots at all levels, but the wide nature of companies, that all do marketing of some sort, leave a wide variety of system(s) in place. At this place in technological time, no robot can hold not only all the new versions of systems, bit also the many antiquated systems that low-budget companies slap together to collect and distribute their data. Humans are still essential in at least making the old and new work together. When everything is the same and humans aren't needed at all then yes:
      I will give the signal and we will KILL ALL THE JUNK MAIL WITH MAN'S FIRE. Stand by.

  4. *post not pistons. Stupid auto cucumber.

  5. It's robocall telemarketers who I want to see burn in hell.

    1. I would help you fan those flames for all eternity. In a heartbeat.