Paczki Day in Green-vember

Iiiiit's Mint-vember, or Green-vember, when everything is green flavored! (Sometimes they call it "mint" or "Pistachio" and sometimes things are just inexplicably green.) In Chicago we even dye our already filthy Chicago River green, I'm not sure how this hasn't been shut down yet.
It  really IS a beautiful city, despite these shenanigans. Photo by KM Photography
found on blog.myheritage.com

and sell sickeningly sweet green soda called Green River. 

Is that just a Chicago thing? 

Not sure, but we do love to color everything green. 

Bars dye beer green for St. Patty's, and it seems to me it would be easier to just have green glasses designated for that time of year, but what do I know about running a bar? That would be a badonka-doozie of a horrible idea financially and for my poor already overworked liver.

2. #Greenvember (we should make this a thing, use this hashtag every time you see something inexplicably green) means:
Spring is coming! Soon.....ish. It WILL snow again. Tomorrow. It's snowed in April, not that long ago, buuuut soon! March is always better than Feb-blow-ary, always.

Right Mr. Happy, not-at-all-creepy-looking Turtle? Right.
I will melt your soul with my death eyes. from imFunny.net
3. NEXT WEEK is Fat Tuesday--
wait, can we still call it Fat Tuesday?
Politically Obnoxious options:
Big-Boned Tuesday
Husky Tuesday
Water-Weight-Gain Tuesday
Gland Condition Tuesday
Thyroid Problem Tuesday

Whatever. I can say any of them, as a fat person. Look it up. It's one of the many advantages of membership. That and: 

4. Stretchy clothes. You never feel uncomfortably full in stretchy clothes, and that confidence is dead sexy.
from passyworldofict.blogspot.com 

Speaking of that, being Polish.....well, my heritage is Polish, *I* am as 'Murican as Apple Pie-flavored-vodka infused bacon mayonnaise pannini ice cream sandwich spread on pizza burgers. 

Anyhowdy, my people always get excited about Paczki (pronounced "poonch-ky") DayI just like saying it, and speaking of that I heard this 'joke' on the radio:
How do you get "poonch-key" from "p a c z k i" ?
Take her out to dinner first.
*rim shot*
from gillesvranckx.blogspot.com
You get it or you don't, lost in translation thing, but Paczki Day is universally good.

Some call it "Fat Tuesday" or as I call it, Tuesday. The indulgence before Lent. 

I don't play Lent anymore because I'm not 7, or in a plaid jumper being told my every natural-normal-human thought makes me a filthy sinner, but I do play Paczki Day. You can indulge in anything from booze to King Cakes, complete with plastic baby hidden inside. Legend has it the finder of plastic baby Jesus will have good luck for the rest of the year. After you fix that chipped tooth, that is. (Hint: You can ask them to put the baby Jesus on TOP, or leave it off.) 

Paczki are like donuts2.0. Talk to Google about a bakery near you, they are usually filled with delicious creamy-sugary filling, and you may have to order or reserve some if word gets out. 

5. Especially look for "drunken paczki" which combines a few of a my fav-o-rite things. It means the filling and/or frosting is made with booze. A booze and dessert two-fer. Like a double rainbow without hidden meaning.
RIGHT? from wzzm13.com
5. If you're a witch who can conjure up baked goods in your magic cauldron, this is also Boozey Desserts season. I'm not sure how or why that started, but in Spring-time I notice awesome whiskey and other booze-infused desserts and frostings spreading across Pinterest like obesity across our great nation. Click this link for 10 Boozy Cupcakes - From Beer-Soaked Baked Treats to Luxury Cognac Cupcakes. I always find a reason for the season don't I? I'm a drinktomist.

6. This deserves it's very own entry: Blue Moon Beer. It is not my absolute favorite but it's a good Spring tradition. However, I made the Blue Moon cupcakes and they were dry and not very good. That could just be ME though. It's no secret I am very baking-challenged. 

It's our family tradition on Easter to drink Blue Moon Beer with orange wedges, except for my brother who doesn't like beer, which is fine, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to call him a tulip, because: Brothers.
Do these jelly beans in my noseholes make me look drunk?
My niece and I, Easter 2010 or '11

My sisters and I usually get stinking drunk and act like assholes. Well yes, that is any holiday, but on Easter we drink Blue Moon. I will say this has lightened up a little bit for me since I added 2 more small children to the picture. 

I should probably mention without further ado, and this is chock full o'ado, I should let anyone curious know this is part of my favorite not-so-secret community: The Ten Things of Thankful Community. Click here to join the fun at Considerings blog!
I'm especially thankful this week, and this could have been a list in itself, but the teenager:
Found a job! and there's more...

7. It's somewhere near and dear to his hear, the golden arches! My son would eat their McFood like Chad Johnson if he had the choice, and soon enough he just might. 
I love this weirdo. Ocho's Twitter
They only have him working part-time so far, so he hasn't even gotten an on-the-job break yet, but he's getting himself up, taking care of his McUniform and today, 

8. He helped get the baby ready to go, and we even got there FIVE MINUTES EARLY! I took a picture of my car clock and Instagram'd it. That's huge for him lately.

9. My beloved, adorable 2 yr old has entered her Screaming Stage. Every day, every diaper and clothing change, putting socks/shoes/coat on, she RUNS like Forrest Gump and screams the whole time like a bonnie wee banshee. She's the toddler Mariah Carrey. It used to make the 4 yr old cry, but now we smile and laugh and say "Oh, she's so silly!" I'm thankful for that, and that these stages go by fairly quickly, and that she's not twins :)

10. You didn't think we were going to go a whole week without weird facial hair, did you? I've gotten some... intimidated feedback on beards, so we're heading just North to Mustache Town.
Just a little mustache wax
from cathow.com
Nothing intimidating here
from trupanion.com

These cool cats don't have any extra X's, daddy-o, just some creative fur coloring and maybe some 'stache was.

P.S. Can a sister get a LITTLE credit for not doing "Women with Beards" photo montage because yes, that is a thing but I didn't show pictures.

But if you're curious: http://metro.co.uk/2014/02/17/sikh-woman-ditches-the-razor-to-embrace-her-beard-4307719/

 I did get a kick out of Disney Princesses with beards. Yes, that there is a link to it.


  1. Sooo excited for MINT everything! Forget Fat Tuesday, I have Fat March because I eat EVERYTHING because EVERYTHING is mint!!! <3 Pass the stretchy clothes!

    1. hahaha Fat March! I like mint a medium-amount, but CHOCOLATE Mint, yes please. Hit me.

  2. I've heard of King Cakes for Mardi Gras/Fat Tuesday but I've never acually seen or tasted one. And I've never even heard of Paczki before! They look delicious! We're so boring up here in Canada that all we eat for Fat Tuesday is friggin pancakes. Oh well, gotta get rid of all that maple syrup somehow.

    1. King Cakes are a lot like coffee cake, with the typical Mardi Gras colored topping: purple//yellow/green and they usually hide a tiny plastic baby Jesus somewhere in the cake. Paczki are much better, IMHO. My kids would love Canada, they're huge pancake, and SYRUP, fans! I'm picturing pancakes being your National Meal :)

  3. Okay, these march/Polish terms are new to me, but the bread looks awesome! I also don't do Lent (much to the chagrin of the catholic-boy-hubs) so perhaps I should check out some Jesus bread.

    STFU Blue moon with a slice of orange is one of the hub's favorite!! It is really good.

    You seem like a totally fun aunt. :)

    1. I'm sure you are a good person, without the man-made laws of the religion. Being an adult means GIVING UP plenty of fun things every single day.
      Blue Moon WAS one of my favorites until I tasted Leinenkugel's beer, they're from Wisconsin and they make delicious seasonal beer. In the spring/summer months they make Summer Shanty w/lemon and Berry Weiss made w/berries. If you combine the two it tastes like Berry Lemonade beer, and on a super hot day you can even add ice and it's still delicious. THAT will be a TToT entry in a few more weeks when it gets warmer! CANNOT WAIT.

  4. I don't give a rat's ass about St. Patrick's Day, but that Paczki Day? I could get into that!

    Yay to the teenager got a job! My first job was at McDonald's. It was hard work, and they used to time us on how fast we could take and assemble an order, which has obviously been dropped now, because every McDonald's I go into anymore has workers that work so slowly, you need to make a mark on the floor just to see if they actually moved. Good luck to him!

    1. My BFF and a couple other friends worked at McDonalds when we were teenagers, I used to go there late at night, pay for ONE burger and she would give me all the food leftover. It never dawned on me it might have been sitting there for hours, it was just FREE and delicious! I'm not sure about any other location, we live in a very busy, hugely-populated town and whenever we go through the drive-thru (which is usually the only time I get McDonalds, when we're in a huge rush) they are SUPER FAST w/our food. My son is amazed at how everything is computerized. Even to ring people up, you don't need to know how to read, there are PICTURES of the food on the buttons! He worked in a banquet hall before, where he says they had a "real kitchen" and he calls this a computer kitchen :)

    2. When I closed, we used to get to eat or take home the leftover food. That was in the day of fried apple and cherry pies - yum! They would heat up very nicely in the microwave! And I still have nightmares about taking apart the shake machine and cleaning it and sterilizing it.

    3. I forgot about those pies, they don't have them anyone ey?
      Oh the shakes! I don't know WHAT they add to that stuff, but the Shamrock shakes taste like green cancer. I wrote a whole blog post on it. It's just not the same as it was when I was younger. Probably a good thing!

  5. Officially, from an Irishman, St PADDY'S day. Or St Patrick's Day. Or nothing. 'kay?

    " *I* am as 'Murican as Apple Pie-flavored-vodka infused bacon mayonnaise pannini ice cream sandwich spread on pizza burgers." I think I love you...

    Good GRIEF but you make me laugh, and I'm SO GLAD you're part of this :D

    (y'all dye the river GREEN? Are you MAD?)

    1. Gotcha! I saw the T in Patrick, and I guess I got nervous. Sorry, I AM Polish/Irish (and I think a random German guy thrown in generations ago) and this has never come up at meetings.
      Yeah, I got a lil carried away w/that 'Murican similie, but it also made me a little hungry.
      I'm glad you enjoy my weirdness, and I'm so glad I'm part of it too.
      I know, it has always seemed weird to me. I might have to look into WHO thought of this idea. Doesn't it seem like NOW it would be easier to flash green lights or something, than actually change the color of a river?? I don't know the science of it all. I'm sure it's not dangerous or we would have protest marchers and swimmers like crazy. We have NO shortage of people who complain and/or take action when they feel something is harmful for the environment. And I'm glad we do, because I'm WAY too lazy to even have a chat w/Google about stuff, ya know? I'm glad there are people who are looking out for the Earth and junk. That might be my FIRST TToT item for next week! :)

  6. hey! come on give a clark a break! (I read this post, good post) but the link I followed was to your blog (not just the TToT post) and so I got to read your previous post... actually 'read' in not quite doing justice to my actions. Laughing and telling the person behind me to 'come here...read this' is more accurate.

    you know whats not I sufficient supply in the world today? Danny Thomas 'spit takes' inducing funny shit. (for you non-old people: Danny Thomas comedian actor in the mid 20th mad famous the spit take... something that we all love to do, catch someone off guard and make them laugh and spit (or even better have the stuff come out their noses).

    thank you for a near-Danny-Thomas-spit-take Moment

    1. Sorry if I donked up the link, but it sounds like a good thing. Aside from having to clean whatever you spat upon. The spit-take is still a very real thing, even if Sir Danny Thomas doesn't always get credit, but I know from the vast number of very silly things (like my last post) that I put up on social media, I'll occasionally get a comment like:
      "That just make me spit coffee/diet Coke/wine all over my keyboard" which I take as a compliment, even if liquids and electronics make unfortunate bedfellows. I'm so glad you enjoyed that post, I almost didn't post it thinking it would be very boring. And some of it was boring, but since I was writing it in an EMAIL to my cousin, the pressure was off to sound gramatically and/or politically correct, and you know, I think this may just be a good writing secret for me. I seem to have a hard time sound like MYSELF lately in my writings as times.
      Meaning, when I'm writing emails, people have always told me "This is hilarious, you should write a book about this" and then when I go to write a blog post, I'm too worried about grammar and details like that, and it sounds like LESS of myself. I'm working on it. And believe me, your feedback REALLY HELPS that process. A lot more than I can ever explain, but hopefully you kind of know what I mean, being the Clark that you are.

  7. Paczki and anything green is home for me .... boston area will do that this time of the year... and my home town has the 3rd largest st. pats parade so everyone is drunk in the streets ( well that's not just 3/17...tough town) and on green beer no less. Love the Disney Princesses... couldn't bring myself to the gals in beards... congrats on the boy and the job!

    1. Thank you for your congrats, now if we can just get him working 40 hours :)
      Boston, yes I've heard! I'll bet mid-March is a mini-East Coast Mardi Gras! I'm actually coming out that way in June for a few days, glomming on to my husband's work conference trip. Can't wait to see for myself! hahaha

  8. They dye the canal in Indianapolis green on St. Patrick's Day. I'm glad it's only for a day.

    Yay to a teen with a job! My two teens just took the class to become soccer referees. They won't get the bonus of nasty McD's food, and they'll have to endure horrible parents yelling at them and freezing cold weather turning them blue. They'll be begging to work at a fast food joint in no time.

    1. Do they? Interesting, I didn't know that about Indy.
      Yes, I do not envy their jobs, yikes. If they get through that they can probably survive anything, but best of luck! I'm impressed they would even want to do that, they must be great kids.

  9. Ahh Disney princesses with beards- thanks for the laugh!! And thank goodness for stretchy clothes- my uniform of the weekend :)

    1. I thought they were pretty funny, too. I'm all about the COMFY.

  10. Oh, that picture of the Green Chicago River is so generously touched up. Having seen it a few times I have to say it doesn't look nearly that, uh, green. Probably from all of the dead bodies floating in it. Agreed, still a beautiful city, though.

    Pass the Blue Moon and the drunken paczkis, will you? Those things look awesome.

    1. Agreed. And the outlying beach parts are white with filth-foam and dirty condoms, that we jokingly call "the white fish." It's a beautiful city, and yes, a little filthy too. At least we don't have that New York onion/armpit/whateverelsethatis smell.

    2. Urine, that's what else it is, NYC has a definite BO/urine smell going. Too many people in a small area I guess.

  11. I've heard about Ocho Cinco's McDonalds addiction. He claims that as long as you exercise it doesn't matter what you eat. Let's see how is all McDonalds diet works out for him now that he's not in the NFL anymore and isn't getting paid to work out continuously.

    1. I'm dying to know that myself. I saw clips of "Supersize Me" and I'm not routing for him to be unhealthy, I'm just really curious what all of that junk additives everyone is screaming about does to a more active person. He also drinks like a fish, though, so not sure how that will affect things. He is one to watch no matter what though. He's uh, watchable if nothing else.

  12. omg! #4 is going to give me night terrors, but #'s 5 and 6 more than make up for that. I want to make those cupcakes. I've seen them on Pinterest.

    1. Ha, those guys look like a barrel of laughs ;)
      Blue Moon cupcakes were dry but I did try Pina Colada cupcakes and they were messy but good. Shredded coconut was everywhere! Worth it though.

  13. I logged onto Pinterest the other day, and it was an explosion of green!

    1. Oh yes, and RAINBOWS! I love rainbows, so I love it. And I remember as a kid how I used to get a kick out of my older brothers & sisters putting food coloring in the milk. Weird thing, but it made me happy as a kid. Yeah, we were really weird.