Beat The Heat and Husband Meat

Well, it's taken until the END of May, but I finally got some Husband Meat in 2014. You would think being together for 10 years, having his children, cleaning his house, laundering his clothing, I could get his meat anytime I like. If you think that, you're adorable. He works far away, doesn't get home until late, and weekends have been crazy busy, so it took this long for him to finally give it up and grill me a steak. 

I know, right? What are you saving it for?? I should have put grilling steak into my pre-nup. Or looked into a pre-nup. Or whatever. Except at that time he wasn't the expert he has since become. He has Jedi mastered grilling steak. I will have to do a whole separate post about that because SERIOUSLY. Major Thankfuls please report to my tastebuds.
Neither of these are my spouse. At this time.
from kikisrandomness.blogspot.com
I'm thankful for this short work week. Well, for the husband anyway, Moms don't need any shorter weeks or time off because our 'work' doesn't feel like work at all. 
hahahaha sorry, I couldn't resist. 
Wouldn't it suck if I was really like that? 
Let's be THANKFUL I'm not.

Even though this was a short week, here I am thankfuly typing out what will be my THIRD post in a week, like a line worker in a word factory. Lizzi and her #YesAll movement inspired me to remember what an amazing role model my grandmother was/is. I shouldn't need reminding but that's why we invented computers so have a seat. Then I popped my FTSF cherry and linked up to Finish the Sentence Friday talking about Bathing Suit season! Which sort of relates to my post about my grandmother, so great timing thankfully.

Speaking of thankful, this is part of the now YEAR-OLD Birthday Spank-ful edition of the Ten Things of Thankful. Click *here* to saddle up and ride this delightful rodeo.
ooohhh shiny! HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Summer is finally here, I haven't looked at a calendar in awhile but:
sunscreen EVERY day? Oooohhh
It's over 80 degrees, 
It hasn't snowed for 2 whole weeks!
I have a slight sunburn and 
My sister's pool is open, so F.U. Vitamin D deficiency.

A lot of moms complain about summer with the kids out of school, but for me summer was a much-needed major life vacation. So thankful to have this one whole year break in between my first-born graduating high school last year and my middle child starting preschool this fall, and that sounds SUPER weird but that's how the reality show of my life played out. Thankful.

Homework took hours some nights with my son, it was a constant struggle, so summer was the life. I liked it as much as Olaf thought he would in Disney's Frozen. 
If you haven't seen it, this is the best scene. I'm not a musical fan, but this was the best part of the movie. This is a snowman singing about how great summer must be.
From Disney's World of Color
So after our typical 2 weeks of Spring, it's almost 90 degrees and time to beat the heat with homemade popsicles, yogurt pops, frozen fruit and Summer drinks. I haven't posted a drink recipe in awhile, lately I've been in "just add vodka" mode. 
from SouthernLiving.com
This recipe originally said to add "cherry drink mix" (barf) to white cranberry juice, which I'm sure is delicious. If you like that kind of thing. I like to combine at least 2 juices, and then add water and ice. Kind of like that kid who puts ALL THE SODA in one cup at a restaurant. 

Except juice is better than soda to me. It's also good to take any juice and add lemon or lime juice, and/or maybe a shot of carbonated lemon-lime soda (we make our own soda because I'm CHEAP) and again, for maximum results when not operating heavy machinery: 
Just add vodka. 
Or rum, or whatever you prefer.

These 'fancy' ice cubes with blueberries, or grapes or whatever is on sale, are an easy summer thing that cool us off, keep us drinking water and make my family think I know what I'm doing. 
from inkspiredmusings.blogspot.com
We have an ice maker for the first time ever, but I dropped a whole buck on an ice tray to add fruit to our ice. I know, fancy schmancy, we drink it with our pinkies out. 

You can make these ahead of time and then just throw them right in to your water bottes, 
sippy cups, 
wine glasses, 
beer steins, 
coffee mug o' whiskey, whatever you got goin on. Stay hydrated, that's totally a thing health nuts say.

If wine is your thing, here's a pretty easy-looking recipe (4 ingredients) for Wine Slush with Watermelon:

If you're looking for something stronger, and/or a good belly laugh, here's a recipe for The Simpson's "Flaming Homer" 
(later called The Flaming Moe)
from that hysterical episode of The Simpson's. This blogger swears she actually lit it on fire with Bacardi 151 and then drank it
I swear. 
Click it to check it, if I'm lyin I'm dyin:

That has to be 10(thousand) and if not I'm calling it on word count alone. To quote my grade school yearbook:
"School is a bummer, have a great Summer!"


  1. You had me at husband meat, but then it wasn't what I thought. That's okay cuz my hubs is a serious grilled steak master too. Well, he was when we ate meat. My point is, I get it.

    I love your posts, Joy! Your sense of humor is perfection. "we drink it with our pinkies out" hahahahaha

    1. hahaha I like to be perverted, but this is about all I gots lately :) and my husband taught my girls to ACTUALLY stick their pinkies out during their tea parties, it is TOO CUTE!
      We don't have steak very often, but I get disproportionately excited when we do :D

  2. I love your brain. I think you just won the internet.

    And PLEASEpleasepleaseplease put a pic somewhere of your adorable girls drinking with their pinkies out :D

    Glad you're part of this. Glad you're here. Glad I know you.

    Yes this was ten thousand things of thankful and that's totally gonna be the theme for our next birthday.

    1. I will try to capture that cutefullness, they've been doing tea parties in "Room House" as Lola calls it, which means they go into their bedroom and play house, usually while I'm cooking, cleaning or blogging :) I'm really glad to be part of this, and glad we know each other, too! This has been the most fun More Than A Hop ever, of all time.
      I Love "Ten Thousand Things Spankful" that is poetry.

    2. Sounds like the dirty version. You should host that ;) You'd be far betterer at it than I would be :D You and Beth could co-host!

      SO CUTE that they play tea parties. I think I used to give picnics to my toys...

  3. If it werent for the thought of how bad a meat suit makes me want to barf this was the perfect post! I loved meeting your girls last night...so adorable! Looking forward to June! I so want to make the watermelon wine thingy but cant drink right now... maybe I can make a virgin although Im sure not as satisfying.. and was thinking to put the vodka in that would be even better. oh well... next month.

    1. hahaha I picture them both being attacked by lions, flies and then maggots. So yeah, as much as I love meat, I'm not wearing it anywhere except inside my belly.
      If you like wine, our grocery stores have a non-alcoholic wine made by Fre. I drank it when I was pregnant, it's not the best wine in the world but it tastes more like wine than grape juice and it's alcohol free. Sometimes it's just nice to pretend to have a glass of wine, when that's your only option!
      I am also super looking forward to it, it's little more than a WEEK AWAY somehow! I should really start packing, or at least see which summer clothes still fit me...

  4. Sat here giggling like a 13 year old at the words 'husband meat,' I suddenly realized that I need to get out more.

    As always, it's a pleasure reading your thoughts. I'm so glad that meno mama featured you on her guest post.

    1. That kind of shite makes me giggle, too, so I'm glad we found each other! I'm beyond grateful to her for letting me write, she's SO funny! She's on HuffPo today, btw! Thanks for reading, and commenting, I love that.


    You are friggin brilliant.

    Husband meat? Lord of all things juicy and meaty....that put me on the floor!! HAHAHA!!

    1. hahaha I can't take full credit for the ice cube tray thing, I see it on Pinterest all the time, with fruit, mint, all kinds of fresh herbs and spices (probably not spices.) It IS really easy to make them ahead of time, and then when we inevitably and undeniably run out of juice, and fruit, we still have those for quick flavored water. I know, I tried to get #HusbandMeat trending on Twitter, maybe after I write up the post about his grilling I can get it to catch on.

  6. Mmmmm, alcoholic summer drinks. So good. But I'm all into those basil-cucumber kinds of things.
    Loved this post. Too funny.

    1. I have seen those on Pinterest! Cucumber water is pretty good, I'd rather have berries, but it's better than plain water, which to me is so BORING. Glad you liked it!

  7. I thought for one brief moment you might be channeling your inner Beth with the 'husband meat'! I love the fruit in the ice cubes. I'm going to have to go and spring for the ice trays so I can do that. My husband might be pissed if I try to squeeze the fruit into the icemaker. I don't have a good history with major appliances so I have to be careful. Did you know you don't use oven cleaner in a self cleaning oven? Well. You don't. A little tip...from me to you :)
    You have got to be one of the funniest people ever. I know I've said that before but I don't care. I love your posts..always!

    1. I have (vaguely) joked about actual husband meat, only to say that in our relationship, *I* am the Helen Roper and he is the Stanley. Any further details have me blushing like a little idiot. That's the ONE thing I can't really write about. Can't go there. Yet anyway :) I'm totally picturing you trying to put berries in the ice maker! I have no idea how that would work, especially since it took me months to grasp the concept that the little metal bar has to be ALL THE WAY DOWN before it can make any more ice. Duh Joy. Before this house, I never really had "nice things" like a dishwasher. I STILL love my freaking dishwasher AND SELF-CLEANING OVEN an ungodly amount. This was my first experience with it and just because I COULD, I used to push that damn self-cleaning button like EVERY OTHER WEEK. My sister, who knows what an unbelievable slob I am (was/am?) used to always check it when she visited, very impressed at how clean it was. I've gotten a little sloppier over time...

  8. (back in the day, surely you were the one in the back seat, as we drove past the cops, started shouting, "speed up!!! speed up!!!" and, of course, later that evening, when things got slow, would manage to be half out the passenger side window…yelling stuff).

  9. When you first said you got some husband meat, I thought, "Hey, me, too!" but then you said steak. ;)

    I agree. That was the best scene in the movie. We quote it all the time.

    You will never, ever hear me complaining about summer break. I lovelovelove summer break. Fun things with no responsibilities. Except this year. Dang guidance councilor didn't inform my son that the world history class he'll be taking in the fall requires gobs of work OVER THE SUMMER!! Six whole chapters out of the book, outlining and vocabulary and short answer questions and all. Not that I help him do it, but he has to do it. Which takes away from fun. I really don't like funsuckers.

    1. hahaha well CONGRATS anyway! You deserve both kinds :D My kids really only liked the parts with Olaf. (Me too!) They're not at that "watch any cartoon that comes on" stage yet. They get limited time so when they watch it has to be something they really LIKE or they will say "I don't want this! I want to watch Mickey" or whatever it is they like at that time. Homework over the summer is SO NOT FAIR! I'm so happy your son will do his homework by himself, I can't even explain what a blessing that is, but STILL. Not fair! That doesn't even seem right, I would be having a talk with the teacher. Hopefully he can get it done pretty quickly (and not at the LAST MINUTE like we would do!) Have a fun summer despite the work!

  10. Your comment section is ALSO one of the best I've seen around... *grinning her head off*

    1. This was an especially good one. I love a gaggle of perverts all together! Wait...

  11. That drink sounds delicious! Sounds like you're in full-blown summer mode. That's awesome. Summers are the best opportunity for moms to create lifelong memories for their kids, so moms that dread that are missing out!

    1. By the end of the summer I may be ready for the start of preschool for the 4 yr old, but for now we're having a total blast.

  12. HAHA to getting some husband meat FINALLY. Was totally cracking up wondering where that was going and then it led to steak. Which is enough to be thankful for right there allbyitself, but then you added the ice cube idea that I'm in love with because my husband would totally think I was winning at being a mom if I copy you and make those fruity little cubes.
    And hey - my husband's daughter graduated high school a couple of years ago and my little boy is graduating from preschool this month so you're not alone in having the weird age difference.

    1. There's a good reason you don't normally find toddlers and teenagers in the same house. We never were completely sane though so, at least the house is always full of laughter.

  13. There is probably a family of possums living in our grill. My husband (totally not me) needs to get out there and clean the thing out and COOK SOMETHING.
    If you use juice instead of soda in your drinks, then they're healthy and good for you, right?

    1. Mmmmm grilled possum!
      Totally, juice is a superfoood.